(Closed) Divorcees – did you have doubts walking down the aisle with ex?

posted 4 years ago in Encore
Post # 31
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had some gut feelings but I was pretty young (21) and I didn’t yet trust myself. My mom knew it was a mistake I think. She asked me if I was sure that it was what I wanted. It lasted a few years before I left him the first time. We were legally married for 9 years but we were only together for 4 (with a few breaks in that time too). 

This time, I didn’t have any doubts at all. It just feels different.

Post # 32
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I didn’t, but it was really because I wasn’t “reading the signs.” Like… I wasn’t excited about the wedding date. How screwed up is that, right? I just… wanted to get it over and done with. My poor bridesmaids had to pull and force me to make decisions about my own wedding date. I didn’t go wedding dress shopping, I just wore the first dress I was offered to borrow. I was a crying wreck because I was so stressed. I should have realized that there was something OTHER than the wedding planning stressing me out. Lord knows I didn’t have anything to do with the wedding planning.

He eventually turned physically abusive (after the wedding). Prior to the wedding, it was just emotionally abusive things and I brushed it away saying that I was being “overemotional” and “hypersensitive” and things like that.

If anyone is reading this, please don’t ignore if you’re stressed and crying all the time. The last few weeks prior to the wedding, yes, are going to be busy and lots of calls to vendors and things going wrong — but you should always feel an “excited stress” like before you go on a roller coaster — you can be nervous, things can feel overwhelming, but still be excited. If you ever just feel plain stress and just want to “Get it over with” something is really wrong.

Post # 33
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Well I didn’t have doubts but it appears that the higher spirits did… lol Everything went wrong…  the ceremony flowers being delivered to the wrong church, the best man forgetting our rings… The limo picking me up at the wrong house… The priest calling me by his EX Girlfriend name (no our names aren’t even similar)… The power going out at the reception… Him getting food poisoning from the food in the hotel (so we did not consummate the marriage)  and to top it all off we were robbed just prior to leaving to go on our honeymoon so we only has the clothes from our carry on bags… But at the time we laughed it all off… 🙁

Post # 34
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

polkadots16 :  No i was ready to marry my first husband – no doubts at all.  Doubts came later.  We were married for 17 years.  About to get hitched again and there are ZERO doubts, should have married him the first time!!!  LOL!

Post # 35
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No doubts. Nervous, yes. We were married 15 years. And I honestly don’t know what happened. We grew into people who weren’t compatible. IDK. I asked for the separation & he asked for the divorce a month later. Still makes me sad, mostly for our kids. That was 9 years ago, so water under the bridge, now.

Post # 36
Member
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yes, and the photographs show it,  in hindsight…… 

Post # 37
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Yes, I considered not going through with it. I remember sitting in my dad’s truck thinking about driving away but other people had put so much into it that I felt like I’d be terrible to do that. Friends provided catering, my mom did all the flowers, a friend made the cake, a friend did the photography and I just felt like I’d be letting them all down. They had all come together to make my day special I didn’t want all their efforts to go to waste. The pictures showed it. I couldn’t find one full smile on my face in the whole album. I was young and dumb but I still knew it was a mistake. I should have realized with such great friends and family they would want the best for.me over anything else. Some of them told me later that they knew it was a mistake but they didn’t think I’d have listened. With my husband now I got up, swam in the ocean the day of and just felt totally at peace. There were TONS of stressors that day but not one of them gave me doubts. Looking at my face in these wedding photos I’m beaming. There’s such a stark contrast between the two … my groom is way hotter in the second one 😉

Post # 38
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

I downed a couple giant swigs of Fireball in the parking lot (ugh so gross, and suuuuper classy, I know, but it’s what was available) and pounded a hard cider once inside to wash it down. That was the only way I could get myself down the aisle.So, I’d say yeah, I definitely had major doubts.

We split up a little less than 3 years later (had been together for 5 years by the time we got married), and looking back, the reasons I left were all there the entire time we were together. I just thought that somehow getting legally married would “fix” a lot of those issues. How dumb was I?!

When we split up, my ex moved out and moved directly in with the new girlfriend. They were married literally a week or two after the divorce was final.

Looking back on that wedding day, I wasn’t excited at all really. I bought a white summer dress off the clearance rack at JC Penney for $13 and sewed on a flower belt and made my own blusher veil the night before the wedding out of a headband, some mesh, and some silk flowers. I picked up flowers from a random flower shop the day of because I hadn’t bothered before that. There were no decorations other than the random flowers. No meal and a cash bar, because I literally didn’t care and my ex didn’t really care either. There was zero planning, other than the cake, and that was only becuase we were good friends with a baker and hired her when she offered.

Looking back, I didn’t want the wedding at all. I didn’t even want to get married, honestly, but felt I *had* to, because we had been together so long by that point already and it was just expected. I SO wish I had listened to my inner voice screaming at me to HALT and not go through with it.

Post # 39
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I knew the next morning i wasn’t in love with him and cried. But i got a house out of it so i cant say i totally regret it 🤷‍♀️

Post # 40
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Green Bay, WI

Yes. I felt it.

I was sick to my stomach. I was so panicky and nervous and somehow got through the ceremony but then at the reception I was running off to the bathroom every hour to vomit.

We got married in January. We fought and “separated” two weeks later. I officially filed for divorce in June. We were divorced the following January. It was civil, and we’re both MUCH happier now.

Now I’m engaged again and this time planning my wedding doesn’t seem like a chore and it’s super wild how much happier and excited I am this time around.

Post # 41
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Green Bay, WI

somedaymrsj : 

THIS PART OF YOUR POST: “Looking back, I didn’t want the wedding at all. I didn’t even want to get married, honestly, but felt I *had* to, because we had been together so long by that point already and it was just expected. I SO wish I had listened to my inner voice screaming at me to HALT and not go through with it.”

^^ THAT IS ME TOO. Oh my goodness.

Post # 42
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

The first time was full of doubts. My family and friends knew it was probably not gonna work, but I was young and I wanted to prove them all WRONG! Hahah, jokes on me. We were together 12 years, married 7 of them. I don’t know that the marriage was ever “good,” even when it was new. 

This time? I had NOT A SINGLE DOUBT. And I was the girl that said I would NEVER get married again. NEVER. 

Post # 43
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

First one- not a one I was so in love and believed we could handle everything.  Well I was wrong he couldn’t handle life, cheated and left me pregnant with #3.  I was stunned and devastated.  It lasted 6 years.

#2- I didn’t realize I was rebounding from the hurt.  I had doubts but  ignored the red flags.  Sweet man I was totally incompatible with.  We tried hard but parted as friends after 6 years of marriage. 

This time I’m 100% sure I’m with the right man.  Embarrassed about the third marriage, but I’m so happy I don’t even care. 

Post # 44
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Not on the wedding day. There were clear issues that I had recognized a year or so earlier, but in my young-and-dumb hubris, I assumed that they weren’t that big of a deal and we could just power through. 

Post # 45
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

No. I had no doubts and have no regrets. I loved him with all my heart and we got divorced due to this irreconcilable difference: whereas I changed my mind about having kids, he did not change his. Not my fault. Not his fault. We still loved each other a lot. I left. We were together for 11 years.

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