(Closed) DIVORCES GALORE!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We have been together for over 10 years, lived together 7, and have a 4year old so I just figure if we’ve lasted this long and not killed each other- we’re good to go for marriage.

Post # 4
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think if you’re honest with yourself about why you are getting married, then you have no reason to worry.

For me and most of my friends who have bene divoced or are getting divorced, we got married for a lot of the wrong reasons. I mean, we honestly thought we were in love enough to get married, but in most cases, we were not really in love anymore, but were in love with the idea of being married, wrapped up in the hype, and committed to the commitment. I know one other couple who just ignored serious cultural differences instead of dealing with them, and that caused friction that tore them apart after the wife’s mother died.

This time around, I know I’m getting married to be married to someone I love and who loves me, not just to be married or because marriage was the next step.

Post # 5
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I am surrounded by couples that are getting or have gotten divorced. Some of these marriages lasted longer than I have been alive and it is a genunine shock to see it end.

I have approached marriage as cautiously as possible but one never knows what will happen. Both my Fiance and I are in the mindset that marriage is forever and we do have great role models as well to give us advice.

I guess all you can do is give it everything you got and do your “homework” so to speak before going down the aisle.

 

Post # 6
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I worked for a divorce attorney for five years.  I have seen and heard the WORST stories.  Having heard these stories, I know what works and what doesn’t.  Some would take what I did as depressing, but to me it was a learning process.  I have seen first hand what kills marriages, and while some of it may be unavoidable, I am pretty confident with my marriage. 

Post # 7
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My parents got divorced after 35 years together about 2 years ago.. I have a coworker (8 years of marriage) and a good friend (3 years of marriage) getting divorces right now. I know what you mean.. it does affect me greatly right now. It’s like a stab to my wedding excitement and brings up fears of things not working out.

I think you just have to do your best to remain positive and focus on your own relationship instead of others. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.

Post # 9
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve never been married.  My fiance is divorced.  I was somewhat nervous until we did premarital counseling and that helped a great deal.  I know of very few people who “get it right” the first time, although I do know a few very happy couples who have.  What I am mostly seeing are divorced people who fall into two groups.  If all the divorced person has to say is how horrible their ex is and how it’s all the ex’s  fault, they’ll usually fail at the second marriage as well.  If they say that they both made mistakes, and they learned something from it, they are usually successful in the second marriage. I think after going through one divorce, most people come out highly motivated to not go through that again.  

 

Post # 10
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@mrsSonthebeach:  I think this is the biggest thing – being honest with yourself about why you are getting married.  I know a lot of people who married “because we are in love”, when really, like you said, they were in love with the idea of getting married… or she was pregnant, but they didn’t want to admit that was why… or because their families were putting pressure on them because they were “getting old”, etc.

Post # 12
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Can I ask how old you are? I’m in my mid-/late-20s and the majority of my friends are just taking (or nowhere near taking) the plunge.

Post # 13
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@daybyday:  I’m 28, and I’ve got a good handful of friends who are divorced and I’m not the only one currently planning the second wedding. A lot of us got married within a year or two of finishing undergrad.

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Trust your love and your relationship, never stop working in your marriage, work as a team, communicate.

I’m recalling Miss Mole’s post about this a few days ago saying you shouldn’t say “I’m sorry” to someone getting divorced cause if divorce is happening it’s likely the best thing for the couple at the moment.

Post # 16
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Wow, I guess my friends and I are just behind the curve. I hope to miss the divorce curve all together, obviously. What were the main reasons cited for things not working out? I mean, do people just . . . change? Ugh. The thought of that is so sad/scary.

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