(Closed) Divorcing, tell me some positive stories about life after divorce

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@fuentesbee:  ((Hugs)) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this hell. Even when it’s amicable and orderly, divorce still means the death of a deep and important relationship, and that’s never easy.

I won’t lie. Once the shock fully wears off, you may start to feel all sorts of worse. My friend was left by her husband quite abruptly and without any real warning, and it took her a couple of months to completely process and understand her feelings then another few months to climb out of the deep hole she was in. At the same time, my first marriage had become toxic, and I decided to leave him. Even though I was the one who left, it wasn’t a happy thing, and I was messed up for months.

However, the both of us have pulled through and are rebuilding even better lives. She is moving back to our home state after not having lived near her family for most of their 10+ year marriage. She’s also exploring new careers and considering going back to school. 

I married my wonderful husband a few months ago (wow, almost 5 months now) and could not be happier. This is the closest, healthiest, most loving relationship I have ever been in and honestly better than I ever really imagined relationships could be. Yeah that sounds so sickeningly sweet, but it’s the truth. Meanwhile, I am back in school for nursing, finally off my depression meds, and just generally thriving.

It will get better; I promise you. Keep strong, and whenever you need a shoulder or an ear, weddingbee is here to be a close and supportive community for you.

Post # 18
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Post # 19
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@fuentesbee: My parents divorced and they are so so much happier now. That was 15 years ago and they are not good friends. It was very, VERY hard on my mom at the beginning though.

I think if you are childless divorcing can be a much easier process. I am 30 and have MANY friends who are divorced or in the process of. They all are happier with new husbands and lives now! None of them had kids though and I thnk it made it easier.

Post # 20
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was in a relationship throughout high school, moved in with him at 19, got married at 22 (we we’re together 8 years) and one day in Feb, just 4 months after we got married he came home from work and deciced he didnt want to be married to me anymore. I screamed at him, cried, did everything possible to make it work and to try and understand it. He wanted nothing to do with trying to make this work and I eventually moved out about a week later. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life because it was all I ever knew. Just a short 6 weeks after I moved out I went out with my best friend and I met a guy and I honestly was never any happier then I am now. I realized now what I was truly missing and how well I am now treated. I do believe things happen for a reason its just hard to see that logic when your going through something so hard. But be strong! It will all happen in time.

Post # 21
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

It sounds rough hun. I do think many times when one door closes another opens. So try and keep that in mind if you can. And stay close with those you care about, for support.

Post # 22
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I second the recommendation of the book Crazy Time!  I really enjoyed the reflections it allowed me to have and showed me what I needed to be aware of in my own habits, etc!  I am BEYOND HAPPIER now but unraveling a life in any fashion is not easy!

Post # 23
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am so sorry. I wouldn’t wish divorce on my worst enemy. 

My father died four years ago, and it completely devastated me. We were very close, and I felt completely up-ended when he died. The months after we lost him, I was so deep in my grief that I didn’t realize that my ex-husband and I were growing apart.

A year after my dad died, out of the blue (to me, at least), my husband said he wanted a divorce. We’d been married for 7 years at that point, together for 10. 

I felt like a complete failure and was utterly humilated. And I felt completely abandoned.

There were many months where it was all I could do to hold down a job. I would come home from work, walk the dog, and crawl into bed. And I wouldn’t get out until the next morning. Weekends were horrible. I didn’t want to see friends or family because I was so ashamed.

Gradually, I gained perspective about how not-great the marriage really was and started to rebuild my life. I’d say it was over a year before I stopped feeling sorry for myself, though. Lots of people are divorced! It does not mean you aren’t a great person. 

Three years post-split, I’m happily engaged to someone who is a much better partner for me. I feel like I won the lottery. I wouldn’t be as stupid happy as I am now if my ex-husband hadn’t left. In a strange way, I’m actually grateful to him.

PS: Consider a support group! I found DivorceCare to be a life-saver, even though I’m not overly religious.

Post # 24
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Go read everything Mrs. Cheese wrote. She’s divorced, and even though I’m not, she has a ton of great insight. And her second time worked out better!

Post # 26
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

@fuentesbee:  I met my SO when he was separated and planning on divorcing. we took things slow at first, just friends for a month getting to know each other. It was difficult to start our relationship during those times, but the fact that we are still together through the whole process and are still very much in love says something.

He has expressed many times that this is the happiest he has ever been and he is so thankful that she left him and told him to start dating.

Divorces are messy, but things can be amazing on the other end. We have our baby coming in June (his first marriage resulted in no children) and living the dream 🙂

Post # 27
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

@fuentesbee:  This is my thread! After living in misery for a while, I left my ex. It hurt me like I’ve never hurt, I’m not going to lie about that. But after a few weeks, it got more seldom. I saw friends, and was back living close to my family. I prioritized myself after ignoring my own needs just to try to salvage a lost cause. I am now happy with my SO. He’s truly my best friend and the perfect person for me. Just enough similarities and differences. We argue, but it’s so different with him than with my ex. I never think “Is he a mistake?” This is an opportunity for you take on life and do pretty much whatever you want. You want to find someone new to settle down with? Start searching and find the one who is just right for you. Want to be single? Live it up. This seems like a mutual thing, and that helps. My ex had brought up divorce for months but seemed suprised when I left. It was more difficult that way, with the blame games. Good luck. You’ll be fine.

Post # 28
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@fuentesbee:  married for 16 years, divorced, then got remarried in 2012 to a wonderful man. Never saw myself getting divorced, but it was for the best and my current husband is selfless, loving and faithful.

Post # 28
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know this is a really old post and you may not even still follow it but I am going through the same thing right now @fuentesbee: .  My husband and I had a huge lack of trust since before we got married because of some things that happened over and over again.  I went through with the wedding hoping I’d eventually gain that trust back again.  I realized about a year and a half into our marriage that this just isn’t healthy.  We both deserve better.  We talked about it and are civil to one another.  Living as friends while we sort this out. Yet it is SO hard. Besides the things he’s done he’s a really good guy.  I am struggling, wondering if this is the right decisions but deep down I know it is.  Does that even make sense?  

I’m curious how you’re doing now @fuentesbee?  How was the process for you?  

I feel silly breaking down when I know I’m the one who innitiated the conversation and the process.  

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