- 9 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
A Little Story as to why thing are the way they are right now, and why I am asking for some good ADVICE AND HELP!!!
So due to the artsy nature of work both my fiancée and I do, we (I) decided to DIY a lot of the wedding including:
- Flowers (made they all out of fabric)
- Bridesmaid Dresses – I either made them from scratch or found ones at goodwill and altered them.
- Groomsmen’s Jackets – I found an online retailer that sold used Tail Coats for a really good price, and now I am modifying them to fit our wedding theme (Steampunk)
- I made the Invitations
- I am making the Programs
- Seat Cards/Table Cards/Menu Cards etc.
We aren’t doing favors, it’s just too costly and I have my hands full getting everything else done on time. We are 60 days away from the wedding and I am starting to really stress out. I have the centerpieces all done! I have the flowers 90% done, I have ALL the clothing (including my wedding dress) about 50% done…and I still need to make and print the cards, programs, and a few other smaller, but important things. All of this has helped keep our costs waaaay down, but we still are spending more money than we can truthfully afford on this wedding.
We have been engaged for over 9 months, and started the wedding planning almost immediately. We had chosen our bridal party/groomsmen within a week of announcing our engagement. As time went by Groomsmen started dropping like flies. One couldn’t get the time off work, One couldn’t afford it, One claimed a combination of the two. So my Groom had one other person he could ask to be in the wedding. Partially to try to even the sides up a little better, and partial because he is a good friend that just fell too low on the list the first time around. We thought everything we settled and then BOOM out of the blue ANOTHER groomsman calls and says his boss is pissed, he just started this jib, isn’t sure he can come. He didn’t completely cancel, but didn’t commit either. So we are now in a will he/won’t he situation. *(REMEMBER – I am custom making clothes for these people!)
To TOP it all off. My Groom has family issues, they are uber conservative and he is liberal. He doesn’t get along with 3 out of 4 of his brothers, and the one got along with got into a fight recently together. I had to go behind my Grooms back and send that brother an invitation anyway. The WHOLE family seems to think it has blown over, but NO my Groom is stressing out about it still and is still angry, frustrated, and worried about the situation. So they are all coming the wedding. This has him on edge.
NOW here is where I need some help!!!!! I was talking with my Groom the other day and found out that he never wanted a big wedding (surprise, surprise), and that a testament to how much he loves me is the fact that he’s going along with all this (meaning the wedding) Well I was taken back because I NEVER once insisted on having a big wedding, in fact I was agreeable to having a long engagement. The two of us DIDN”T COMMUNICATE (ladies!!!) well enough in the beginning as to what our expectations for a wedding were. We knew the kind of wedding we wanted, but apparently not the size and scope it has become.
This hurt me a lot as it felt like all of the hard effort I put into everything I have been planning JUST to make sure he knew that the day was about US not just ME, that he get input and veto power, etc.
SO the long of the short of it is this: anytime I bring up wedding stuff he says a few words of “that looks nice” or “good job baby” or “its up to you” and leaves it like that. He doesn’t elaborate, give constructive criticism, show enthusiasm….NADA
He said, during our little talk, that he is willing to “tolerate it” and “suck it up” referring to the wedding, That he is so disenfranchised about it all now that groomsmen backed out, the ones he’s got are flaky too, and that we are spending money we don’t have on what’s basically a party. He wouldn’t try to get excited when I had him try on his whole ensemble for the first time. I have stopped asking him for help with tasks. He just seems to not care an iota anymore.
I need advice. I don’t know what to do or say to make him cheer up about our wedding day. If you would have asked me a year ago (before being engaged) about my excitement of one day becoming a bride, I would have just shrugged. I am not a typical girl who dreams of this day, nor did I spend time as a child pretending to get married with neighborhood kids, or keep a one day wedding scrapbook. Even at start of all of this planning and prepping I was excited, but in a general way. BUT NOW I find myself really excited for this special day to come, for us both. I want him to enjoy it as much as I want to enjoy it. I NEED him to become more emotionally invested in the process because if he isn’t he won’t be emotionally invested in the day.
Help me cheer him up, give him something to look forward to!! Anything to help, please!