(Closed) DIY projects requesting help from bridal party….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think it’s wrong at all. It sounds like your girls are wanting to help you. All of my BMs have offered to help. So I’m planning on having a “Ribbon & Wine” party to make it more fun.

Post # 4
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, you are not wrong for asking people for help.

If you become upset with Bridal Party members who will not help, or hold it against them, that would be wrong. 

Can your Fiance help?  At the end of the day, the only people who are responsible for doing these projects are the two of you, but if you have a willing friend then I don’t see the problem.

Post # 5
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wrong may be the wrong word! I personally do not feel comfortable asking my BMs for help – and they are mostly family members.  If they offer and geniuinely want to help then great! But, I feel that it is primarily your responsibility to get everything done.  The whole Bridesmaid or Best Man “duties” things is a slippery slope in my opinion…

Post # 6
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No you are not wrong to ask but if the ladies were to decline you would really have no right to be angry.  As your Fiance said they are your DIYs.

Post # 7
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If you put the call for help out, without expecting and demanding it, then I don’t see a problem. But, I also feel that if none of your ladies have made any type of verbal offering, then it may seem pushy. Maybe put some feelers out, by saying something like, “Gosh, these bouquets are so time consuming!” 

People ask for help in their everyday lives, so this isn’t different. If it’s a demand for help, as in “You’re my Bridesmaid or Best Man and it’s your job to help me!,” then that’s not right.

Just don’t be hurt if they can’t help.

Post # 8
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I guess I’m in the minority here, but I think as a bridesmaid it IS your job to help the bride.  Otherwise, you would just be a guest.  That is the difference.  The important thing is for the bride to remain gracious and considerate of her bridesmaids’ other obligations.  I am also DIYing my flowers and have asked my BMs to help.  All have happily agreed. 

I will say, if you’re asking for their help, you can’t be too particular or controlling about the results.  They’re not professional flower arrangers, and some might be better at it than others… 

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have a lot of DIY projects planned for the wedding. The only person who will be helping me is Fiance and he will only be doing a few things. I feel absolutely terrible asking my girls to take time out of their busy days to help with something that I will be getting the credit for. 

Post # 10
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t ask bridesmaids to help with something like this, but I would ask FI!

Post # 11
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@babu22:  If they offer to help, that’s great, but what if they don’t have time? What if they’re not good at/don’t enjoy DIY and crafty stuff? I feel like the WIC hypes this whole “duties of the bridesmaids” things, but really, your friends have their own lives and can’t really set that aside for your wedding. I would never ask my friends to do stuff like that for me other times, so why would it be okay to ask them just because I’m getting married?

Post # 12
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I did a ton of DIY projects to save money for our wedding (pocketfold invitations, bouquets,centerpieces) and I didn’t feel comfortable asking them for help. Just because I made the decision to do tose things doesn’ mean hey need to commit hours to cutting paper. I definately put Darling Husband to work though. I am in the “it is there job to wear the dress and show up” camp, I don’t think these projects are their jobs.

Post # 13
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@CasperBoats:  short answer is because sometimes you help your friends when they need help.  Not because you enjoy it or because you are particularly good at it, but because she is your friend and she needs your help.  In my mind, taking on the role of bridesmaid means giving up some of your free time to help your friend create/plan/prepare for her wedding.  She’s probably not going to ever ask you to do this again, and getting married is a big deal.  I do think it’s a balance – as a bride, you have to be concientious of your BMs time/money/obligations and not be too demanding or controlling.  But being a bridesmaid isn’t just about the bride honoring you; it’s about you being a good friend (and occasional DIY helper if need be) for the bride.  That’s what you’re being honored for, and if you haven’t/won’t do it, then you don’t deserve the honor.   

Post # 14
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My bridesmaids are actually getting quite mad at me for NOT asking them for their help with the DIY’s. One of them insisted on coming over to help me pack the favours and then she laughingly scolded me and told me that I had an asking for help problem. You will probably be surprised by the amount of people who are more than willing and happy to help you. 

Post # 15
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had one attendant, and she lives several states away. She wanted to help, and she helped me tremendously while she was here, but she couldn’t do anything beforehand. I was trying to do everything myself, until two friends chided me for not asking them for help. They came over and pretty much put my Out of Town guest bags together while I fed them snacks and wine. They were thrlled to help, it was a wonderful evening, and it was very good for my soul. It is now one of my loveliest memories of the stuff leading up to the wedding – sitting on the dining room floor chatting and sipping wine together while I folded maps around area brochures, one friend decorated the bags, and another placed the stuff in the bags and artfully arranged tissue paper.

Let people know you’re struggling to get things done. Friends will materialize, and you can enjoy the DIY instead of letting it drown you (as I was doing). 

Post # 16
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@babu22:  I guess where I’m coming from on this is that both of my bridesmaids are very busy–for example, one has a really hard, time-consuming, underpaying job. She works her butt off for very little appreciation because she cares about what her job brings to her community. She’s one of my best friends, would I *not* ask her to be a bridesmaid because I don’t think she can sufficiently help me with little projects that are my job and FI’s job anyway, and not hers? I’m certainly not going to burden her with projects for my wedding. I want to honor her for being a good, supportive friend in my life, not for being part of a craft assembly line.

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