(Closed) Do any bees feel this way too….?

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

My husband is in the NG.  It’s not bad at all.  Once your man is home it won’t be as hard.  

It was hard when my then-FI left for 4 months to train.  We had been together 3 years and at 25, he decided he wanted to join the NG.  It was hard.  I cried too.  I was angry that he did it.  But I also realized – just as you do – that it was his choice.  It was something he wanted to do.  It was something that made him happy.  And that’s how I got through it.  Hang in there.  

Feel free to PM me if you like.  πŸ™‚  We can swap stories.  It’s good to have a support network!

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  LMD.
Post # 3
6106 posts
Bee Keeper

willow_1960:  I wanted to say I hope you feel better soon.  But remember – you can’t take something he values so importantly away from him.  You are making the choice to give up your dream.  He may not be ready or may not want to and he shouldn’t be considered selfish for that either.  just because you are willing to give up some dream doesn’t mean he has to either.  He may be perfect in every other way, but he doesn’t sound perfect to you (because he wants to be in the military for 20 years).

Decide what is best for you.  If you can’t commit to 20 years of military service, this may not be the best relationship for you.  I have never been in the military or been with someone who has been actively in the military (I had dated someone who was done with service) so I cannot begin to know or explain how that feels (only you can) but you need to sit and think what you can and cannot do.  I do hope it gets better for you and that you’re able to either come to peace or find a happy solution where you do not have to break up.

Post # 5
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

willow_1960:  Good!  It also helped me to write to him.  When he sends you his address, write to him as often as you can (or he asks you to  ).  I would write to him as if we were having a conversation.  Just tell him how each day at work was, how I was feeling, what I did around the house… stuff like that.  It really made me feel more “connected” while he was away.  

You will get through this.  It will get easier.  We love it!  I get a little “girls weekend” once a month with my lady friends while he’s at drill.  And his drill is like a weekend of “fun” (I’m using that loosely, haha!) with his buddies.  

Post # 8
1 posts
  • Wedding: January 1076

willow_1960:  I can relate some I was active duty Air Force but only did 6 years for schooling and never imagined retirement. So I will give you my story but there were two different guys. The first guy was also active duty and we dated when I was still in air force. he only wanted to move back to Cali to be closer to his family. My family is from Ohio. I suggested any state but Cali or Ohio. nope he wanted Cali.  there were other issues and eventually I just knew I wasn’t happy and that when I thought of what the future would be like if we did live in Cali near his family that I still wouldn’t be happy.

So in the next story, a different guy asked me if I would be willing to move within weeks of us meeting. he was close to being done with med school and he had little control over where he lived. at the time my reaction was lets just see what happens if i don’t have doubts I’ll move. he included me in every decision and I went with him to some of his out of state interviews so we could decide on the areas. When he made his ranked list of where he wanted to go, he was right next to me asking for my thoughts. So in the last year… we got engaged, I sold my house that I bought before I met him that I didn’t even own 3 years, moved 4 hours away, he is in the first year of residency (crazy unimaginable work schedules) and I got a transfer and changed offices. I hate my new office but I would absolutely do everything over even if I would have known before that I wouldn’t like this city or my job. for me nothing really was a sacrifice but instead I just considered them changes. I guarantee the reason I feel this way is because of how much I was included in his decisions and I can tell you that with the previous guy I was a lot more selfish and unwilling to compromise.

I think the big thing is imagining the future and really deciding if you can see yourself happy in this life. No matter how much you love someone you can only be unhappy with a situation for so long. It does sound like he is considering you as well by saying he could decide to make changes as well. It’s not selfish we all have things that we are okay with and things that we aren’t. 

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