(Closed) Do any of you feel like this?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

Wow – they are thoughtful to want to host parties and help – but slightly selfish in not making sure the dates/time work for the guest of honor!  Seriously – who does that.  When you decline do you say things like ‘wow, thanks – that would be lots of fun, only problem is that day won’t work out – could we find another day that would work for both of us?’  How do they react to that?

Doesn’t sound like you are being difficult at all.  Just remember – it’s impossible to please everyone.  You can do you best – but at some point you need to just have a "c’est la vie" attitude.  Really won’t do you any good to overly worry/stress about things 🙂 

Post # 5
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

people offering to do things for you are either trying to help/be nice because they care about *you*, in which case you should feel free to tell them gently when their suggestions don’t work for you.  If they genuinely want to help, they’ll want to know how they can be most helpful so you can offer suggestions in a polite way that allows them to decline gracefully if your idea doesn’t work for them.

If they aren’t genuinely wanting to be helpful/have motivations other than caring about you, remember it’s your wedding, so don’t feel like you have to be a doormat to everything other people want to do that just makes more work and stress for you.  Just firmly say thanks, but no.


actually, you can say the same about "life" not just "weddings" 


Post # 6
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hey Maureen: deep breaths.  It’s okay!  There are sooo many good things that can turn stressful when it comes to wedding planning.  Our big day is in March and I’m under pressure to pick my dress right now.  Yesterday I had a mini-breakdown.  I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Our wedding situations is probably one of the most stressful ever because our relationship is currently long-distance (he’s in India and I’m in the States) and we’re on a young-couple budget.  The wedding is going to be overseas and I’m trying to get everything lined up from here!  It’s crazy and can get really overwhelming at times, but every day I try to remember what our wedding is really about: becoming each other’s husband and wife and spending our lives together.

It’s natural to want to please all the people you love and who are going to become your family, but at the same time, you’ve got to take care of yourself.  Try not to let stuff get under your skin.  Identify what things you REALLY want a certain way on your wedding day and stand up for them, and use the things that aren’t too important to you to appease everyone else.

Whenever you need some reassurance that you’re not the only one stressing, you can hit up my blog (http://bamboo-bride.blogspot.com).  My last post is all about yesterdays crazy dress meltdown!  Take care!

Post # 8
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think that people think they are doing you a favor – and so that somehow whatever is most convenient for them will also be fine with you.  (I also think that some people are more prone to that attitude than others!)  Plus, some people really want to do something FOR you, whereas some people are really looking for some personal glory – "Look how great I am, throwing this wonderful party for you!"

It totally gets worse.  The day before my wedding I had all kinds of friends and family – most of whom walked in the door asking what they could do to help – somehow acting like I should be waiting on them!  I didn’t have any specific tasks to give them (more fool me) so they were sort of wandering around requesting random things from me (a Coke – no, a Diet Coke – no, one without ice – a map of California – coffee – cream for the coffee – and on and on).  I finally fled to a girlfriend’s house with my little box of stuff that still needed to be done – and sent Darling Husband (along with said girlfriend’s husband) out deliver stuff to our venue and pick up my dress – leaving everybody wondering where the heck their "host and hostess" had gone.  Hey, when I said that there wasn’t really anything you could do, I didn’t mean that there wasn’t anything I had to do!!

Unfortunately I’m like you – I end up feeling bad if I’m not somehow sufficiently grateful or gracious.  You (and I!) need to get used to saying, politely, "Wow, how nice of you!  I really appreciate that!  Unfortunately, that (date, time, week, situation in general) isn’t going to work out for me.  What about (the next week, the weekend, getting the heck out of my house for the rest of the day?)  There’s nothing wrong with that, really.  Just say it nicely!  And say "Thank you!" a lot.  Try to channel Kyra Sedgewick on The Closer.

Post # 9
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I just find it strange that she is trying to plan things for you, rather than you doing it for yourself.  every one of those ideas she had should have been decided by you…..maybe your Fiance should talk to her?

The topic ‘Do any of you feel like this?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors