- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I have a best friend, lets call her Lucy. Lucy and I have been friends since we were 6 years old, and always discussed being Maid/Matron of Honor at each other’s weddings.
Lucy has been with her boyfriend (lets call him Jack) for 6 years. For the last 3 years, she’s been hoping he’ll propose to her, and getting increasingly impatient.
I met my DH 3 years ago, and our relationship got serious very quickly. A year after we got together, he proposed to me. When I called Lucy, she got really upset that I had gotten engaged before her. I felt a bit disappointed by her reaction and bad for her, but I understood that she was upset and I wished that Jack would have proposed to her as well. I asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor anyway. She accepted but was really weird about it, and after telling me that most of my wedding ideas were stupid, we finally had a discussion where she admitted that she didn’t want to walk down the aisle and not be wearing a wedding dress. So.. I understood, and she just came to the wedding as a normal guest. Jack was invited to the wedding too, but he didn’t want to come.
After the wedding, Lucy told me that our wedding was horrible for her, that she ended up crying in the toilets because Jack hadn’t come and because she wasn’t married. Again, I felt bad for her and tried to support her. But I did also feel upset that she wasn’t happy for me.. I mean, when she got together with Jack I was delighted for her, even though at the time I was single after a recent break-up, and she hasn’t been happy for me this whole time.
She’s been asking me for advice about Jack, but no matter what advice I give her (stay with him, leave him..etc), she said ”Well it’s alright for you, you’re married!”. She’s also been complaining about me behind my back to some friends of ours, saying ”Amanda doesn’t understand me anymore, she’s this ‘married woman’ now and she has it all.. and I have nothing.”
I’d like to save our friendship but I don’t want to feel like I have to apologize for being happy..especially when no happiness is destined to necesarily last, and friends should be there to support each other, not to envy each other. Any advice?