Do any other brides feel like your un-married friends are jealous of you?

• MrsBuesleBee
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: September 2015

I dont have much advice other than… Lucy is a selfish twit. Just continue to be loving and kind, that’s all you can do- the rest is her problem.

And yes, my high school best friend is 2 years older and salty as hell I am getting married, along with 2 other ladies in our group, and she’s found herself single again. She makes comments, but I just say “your time will come”. I know it’s not personal or my fault/problem so I don’t sweat it. I also don’t text her a endless wedding updates but I did ask her to be a BM. I wasn’t about to leave her out because she’s panicked- she always has guys orbiting her and will be married soon enough! I think it’s incredibly awful your friend couldn’t bear to be in your wedding. Also- 6 years? It’s time to dump Jack, it ain’t happening.

• liameowchelle
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

Wow, Lucy sounds horrendous. 

And awkward.

But mostly horrendous.

One of my best and oldest friends, who is also one of my MOHs, has been with her BF for 6 years. I am fairly confident that they will end up married to one another when the time is right. That being said, when my FI and I got engaged after about 6 months, I was so hesitant to tell her because I felt strange marrying before her. It wasn’t a logical fear but it did creep into my head that maybe she’d be upset…

Nope! She’s been so unbelievably happy and excited for me. The support I’ve gotten from her is amazing and it’s truly made me grateful to have such a kind person in my life. If jealousy has crossed her thoughts, her actions and words to me have been far from it. I can’t imagine how sad you must have been to realize that one of your dearest friends was too selfish to share in your happiness.

Quite frankly, it sucks but I think you need to step back from the friendship. You’ve done everything right and it’s not fair that Lucy’s friendship is contingent upon you being miserable as well.

• xstitchbride425
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: April 2015

My BFF is 100% happy for me, but she does sometimes wish she had someone like FI in her life. Fortunately, unlike Lucy, my BFF is a mature, self-confident adult.

• WasMissNowMrs
• 3 years ago

I know she’s your friend and she is important to you but what on earth do her desires about marriage have to do with you? She is punishing you for something you aren’t responsible for! There was no reason for her to act up the way she did, it’s pure selfishness. That’s not very helpful I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say, I wouldn’t accept this behavior from people.

• amiona
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: October 2010

Envy is fine but jealousy is not. 

I noticed a lot of jealousy from former friends who were single moms. 

One of them insulted my husband repeatedly and put me down every time he did something nice for me. She was just bitter because her daughter’s father left and guys only wanted to have FWB arrangements. 

I don’t think that Lucy is a good friend. I understand that she is hurting but she shouldn’t take it out on you. 

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  amiona.

• canadajane
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: March 2014

Jealous? No.  But I do have single friends who think that marriage will solve all their problems.  That when, and only when, they get married they will finally be truly happy.  

I think you should let her know that marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses.  You don’t have to exaggerate, just let her know about little disagreements and that even if Jack proposed tomorrow, there’s no such thing as a perfect life.  I really wish my married friends had told me more about their little arguments, and hadn’t perpetuated the “and they lived happily ever after!” mentality.    

• sara_tiara
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: August 2012

Not really…my friends have all been happy for me, just as I have been when great things happen for them. I may have something some of them want by being married, but they all have great things going on in their lives, like better careers, or kids, or owned their own homes first, so I think at one time or another we’ve all been envious of something each other had, but we’ve never let it affect our friendship.

• robynrox47
• 3 years ago

I have friends who clearly feel quite the opposite and don’t understand why I want to get married, especially since I’ve been married once already. These friends are pushing 30, still single, never been in serious relationships so I get that they don’t understand.

I’m more the one to be envious/a little jealous since I’m not getting married nearly as quickly as I’d like to haha

amanda3334455: I would attempt a real conversation. You’d be doing her a favor if she realizes maybe your’re right and can finally be happy. If she takes it badly she might be upset but if she’s going to continue the negative vibes….. I’d say it’s worth the risk.

• cece_intheuk
• 3 years ago

amanda3334455:  Wow, your friend is obnoxious. I think you’re totally within your rights to tell her to stfu.

• MrsBuesleBee
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: September 2015

amanda3334455:  yes I hear you. I think you could do one of two things : limit contact and smile/nod and preemptively forgive her. Or you could wait till she says something particularly pointed and give her a well deserved verbal wrist slap.

“BFF I love you, but I am sick of these comments and wish you could be happy for me. My relationship and engagement has zero percent to do with yours. So stop putting mine down and comparing- it’s not fair. If Jack is not making you happy it’s time you left him and stood up for yourself. “

then get some distance. She might be pissed at first but hopefully sees the errors of her ways and comes back with an apology. If not, well then she really sucks. 

• stardustintheeyes
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: September 2017

amanda3334455:  My best friend got married in 2010 which was basically the lowest point i have had so far in my romantic life. Literally 3 days after one of the worst heartbreaks of my life she called me to tell me she was engaged. She was hesitant but wanted to share the news with her bff. I cried. Half because I was so happy for her and half because I was so sad for myself. I had to end that conversation quickly. I accepted the role and was with her every step of the way. It was incredibly hard to watch someone I loved so much get everything I also wanted for myself and to deal with feeling so bad for feeling that selfish. But it was a natural way to feel. It didn’t mean I wasn’t happy for her, I was. I think everyone has a different way of handling these kinds of emotions and sometimes we just fail at it.

I don’t think I would say I was jealous. I think it was more that watching her be so happy just highlighted how unhappy I was. It had nothing to do with nto wanting her to have her own happiness. It also wasn’t me hating on her. But it’s just so hard to be that sad and be constantly faced with so much love and happiness. It just made me mourn that much more for the love I had lost. I did a good job of handling it, but maybe your friend isn’t tha tstrong and maybe she’s just hit a breaking point.

I would try and mend the friendship by talking with her first and seeing if you two can find some middle ground. I think more than anything she needs support, even if she wasn’t able to give any to you during your happy time. If she’s truly your best friend, this is what I recommend you do, because I know how hard it was for me and I would be so devastated if I was not only unhappy in my love life but that I also lost my bff because I couldn’t be stronger.

Good luck OP.

• Syzygy88
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: October 2014

amanda3334455:  This is what happens when women, and the people around them, treat marriage as the greatest thing a woman can “achieve.” She gets bitter over something that is not much different from her already committed, long-term relationship and/or she stays with an undeserving person just to be Mrs. Jerk off. Much better to be Ms. Single than Mrs. Jerk Off. I do not understand that way of thinking. I feel bad for women that have been fed that particular type of Kool Aid. God bless her.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Syzygy88.