(Closed) Do brides ever host their own bachelorette/shower?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Should I host a beach weekend myself?
    Yes, if I was a BM I would be grateful to have the stress of planning taken away plus a beach trip : (3 votes)
    10 %
    No, BMs look forward to planning something for you, you are kind of taking that away from them : (4 votes)
    13 %
    You can always do your own thing, but typically the bride doesn't do this : (15 votes)
    50 %
    Do the beach but don't call it a bachelorette, that way if they still want to plan one they can : (8 votes)
    27 %
    Become a raving Bridezilla, demand that you do the beach and they pay for it (KIDDING) : (0 votes)
    See below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would float the idea past your bridesmaids and see what they think.  It sounds awesome to me, but I’d make sure that it wasn’t a shower (since etiquette says you are obliged to give a shower gift, which I don’t believe is the case at a bachelorette).  Maybe as you nail down some details, your maids could take on others (i.e. you find the weekend and the house, they do the invites and menu planning) so that you’re not REALLY throwing it for yourself.

    Post # 4
    1428 posts
    Bumble bee

    Call it a "girls getaway" weekend, and maybe put a bug in the ear of one of your close friends/BM’s that this would be a great time to throw your b-party and/or shower.
    In my family/friends circle, the bride does not throw her own shower or b-party, but I know we have a lot of brides-to-be where their peeps are not taking the initiative to do such.
    I know that I will most likely be thrown a couple of showers knowing how my family and friends are, which is lovely but if I didn’t get a shower, it wouldn’t be the end of the world for me. What I do know (to quote Oprah), is that I most definitely want a b-party, just a fun night with my friends, and for me also with my mum & Future Mother-In-Law, and possibly my 2 aunties, so if I see (although having been engaged before I know they will be planning) that none of my BM’s were planning on a b-party I would talk to them and also my mum saying Hey, I’d really like us all to have a girl’s night together.

    Post # 5
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I’m essentially doing the same thing this September. One of my BMs lives in San Francisco. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends outside of my BMs, so I thought it would be fun to do a bachelorette weekend in SF. Luckily, everyone was excited by the idea, but I can see how this could be a burden if some girls didn’t have the extra $$$.

    Either way, I think yours is a great idea and any good BM/MOH will always ask the bride what type of shower/bachlorette party she wants.

    Post # 6
    416 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

    Usually its something the brides doesnt plan.
    Its suppose to be sort of a celebration of all the planning and prep youve been doing.
    Its nice to know someones doing something for you… in moments of stress 😉

    Post # 7
    5 posts

    Rose999- It is kind of a hard situation and I am dealing with the same issue right now. I don’t know if it is proper “etiquette” to host your own bachelorette party but I feel like you should do what YOU want to do.  I live in NY and I am getting married in February but I would like a weekend getaway at the beach (somewhere warm). One of my bridesmaids has a house in Florida so I am planning on spending a weekend there to relax before the wedding. However, how can I tell them they have to pay for airfare for my bachelorette party??  I think I am going to tell my close friends and bridesmaids that I am going to Florida on a certain date to have a little get away before the wedding and that they are invited to come if they are interested but that no one is obligated. To be honest, this is what I want to do so I do not mind spending a little extra money rather than doing something I don’t want.  If people want to come, they will.  I have already talked to my sister and some close friends who confirmed that this is not rude- it is your only wedding and you should be able to enjoy it the way you want.

    It is a hard situation – I guess there is no right or wrong answer, but this is my opinion.

    Post # 8
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Do not make it a shower. I think it’s okay to make it a hen party though. Just invite the girls, discuss it with your bm’s, and hopefully they will take the cue and plan a night out for you while there.

    I am kinda hosting my own hen party too…my sister is my moh and she is kinda doing it, but she’s kinda clueless so I am taking over…

    Post # 9
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I agree with the comments above – plan a getaway weekend, and state that it’s most important for you to have good time with your girls before the wedding.  If one of your BMs catches on, she might plan a night out or ask everyone to bring a gift…but if not, you’ll still have a great weekend with your friends.

    I’m not having a wedding party, but my closest girlfriends live all over – one in LA, NYC, Denver, Boston, etc.  We agreed to spend a weekend in Miami on the beach.  It’s not a traditional bachelorette, but it will be a great getaway and I’m fortune I’ll have this time with them!

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