(Closed) Do brides, or people in general really want honesty!?

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I want the wedding to be a reflection of us. The celebration is not meant to impress other people or whatnot, so generally when I talk about the wedding planning with other people, it’s more to explain what we’re doing, not to get others’ opinions or approval.

Post # 4
360 posts
Helper bee

MeandMyLouboutins:  I don’t want fake responses but when looking at others dresses or rings (mostly dresses though) when a bride is asking for an opinion, if I dislike the dress I simply do not comment because I understand that people have different tastes and I don’t want to give her a negative opinion.  If I love the dress however, I do comment and let her know.  It bothers me when people give fake “I love the dress”.   

Post # 5
8784 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think it doesn’t matter if someone wants honest opinions or not because it is not up to them. It is up to the person giving the opinion. If you do not want to hear an opinion then do not ask for them. If you do ask for opinions then remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion, you do not have to like it or respect, you can argue it or ignore it.

I think the more soul searching question is why does it affect you so much when someone has a different opinion? Is it because they are being racist/sexist/bigotory? Is it because they insulted you? Is it because you know they are right? Is it because you feel guilty?

If you are secure in your choice then you shouldn’t care what someone else’s opinion is.

Post # 6
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MeandMyLouboutins:  In real life and even on weddingbee, I don’t really seek out people’s opinions on our wedding planning to begin with, but in general, I think it’s better to stay positive. If there is some sort of critique, it will be better taken if it’s spun to be constructive, practical, less negative. I think most people would rather hear niceties than hard truth.

Post # 7
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I hate when people lie to me, period. I don’t care if you don’t like my ring, my dress, my STD’s, my colors, ect. I can take it, but I think there is a difference between being honest and being mean. You can tell me, “I don’t care for your dress.” But if you phrase it, “Your dress looks like a bad prom dress my mother would wear in the 80’s.” Then I would be upset.

Post # 9
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the evidence on this board overwhelmingly suggests that people largely want fawning validation and will throw temper tantrums when given either direct critical honesty or tepid praise. 

Post # 12
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Some yes and some no. I think if I try on a dress, and it’s not flattering for my shape, that is a point that should be brought up. Or things like “The lace might be a bit much.” That kind of thing is contructive, trying to point out things I might have not noticed, but if I did notice it and like it, it doesn’t bother me. If someone just flat out says “That dress really doesn’t look good.” Then yeah, I’d be a bit hurt.

Post # 13
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MissComicBook:  +1 

I want honesty, but it’s about HOW you say it. If you are just being down right insulting, then I would have a problem with that. But if you are genuinely giving me your opinion without taking digs, then it is much appreciated. 

Post # 14
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Personally I think polite honesty is important up to the point when you/someone else buys or commits to something. Once that choice has been made, you’re not really doing anything other than pissing on their happiness if you decide to bowl in and tell them that their dress/ceremony/life partner kind of sucks in your opinion.

I’ll make an exception when someone is already having genuine doubts and are open to change (such as “dress regret” or “my husband is being an abusive jerk” threads), but otherwise I will try to only post if I have something nice to say. If they love their choice, who am I to ruin their day because I don’t?

Similarly, I accepted brutal honesty from my friends (and later appreciated it even though it stung at the time) when making my wedding choices, but I would not have been thrilled if someone came up on the day and told me that I looked like an ugly broken meringue. There is a time and a place for constructive criticism, and that is only when the criticism could possibly be useful. Otherwise it’s just nastiness under the veil of honesty.

Post # 15
46819 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MarriedToMyWork:   I think the challenge with that opinion is that Bees who go ballistic when they do not get the vaildation they are seeking, are not a representative sample of the population- even the Bee population.

People who are secure in themselves, their opinions,their actions just don’t go seeking that kind of validation or approval. Why would I give a rat’s ass (pardon the expression) if some internet stranger approves of what I did, said, wore, chose etc.?

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