(Closed) Do divorced people make you question marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No not at all. I come from a background of divorce. My parents split up when was 5 and my mum remarried when I was 8 and is still happily married. My dad is now remarried and been with his wife for over 16 years well.

Post # 4
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think everyone goes through this, you see the divoce odds and you say that’s not going to happen to me, cause let’s be honest who gets married thinking about divorce?

Everything can happen you’re right, but is that going to stop you? My aunt never got married fearing she’d get a man as bad as my grandpa, that didn’t stop my other aunts or mom and ended up in happy marriages, that one aunt missed all that because of her fear.

It might feel like a leap in the dark but if you really love and trust the person your marrying you have to belive it’s gonna work and work your a** off to make it work.

Post # 5
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

No, because I’m an optimist. I like to think it couldn’t happen to me, and that Darling Husband and I will try harder to not make the mistakes that others have made. I think that being aware of the things that commonly cause divorce (communication, money, parenting) helps too.

Although I do always say if Tim McGraw & Faith Hill or Brad Paisley & Kimberly Williams ever get divorced, I have no hope because they just seem so happy and real!

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@hisgoosiegirl: if Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

hahaha he toured here recently and i said to hubby “do you think they are that happy or faking it”

i dont have a single divorce in both our families, not a single one and thats even including third cousins twice removed. in my office there has been 1 divorce in 8yrs (they were married 20+yrs and he travelled A LOT, 3 weeks of the month easy).  in our circle of friends, 1 divorce (but she wanted a wedding not a marriage) so i dont see a lot of it to make me wonder

Post # 7
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

It does make me uneasy. Almost every member of my family except for my grandparents is divorced — many 2+ times over. And it makes me scared because I wonder if that could happen to me. But I think that what matters is that I have spent my life absorbing what a good relationship and partnership looks like through my grandparents and then comparing it to what a relationship is NOT when it comes to my mom, uncles and other relatives.

You do never know. As people, we are apt to grow and change and suddenly make rash decisions or realize a decision wasn’t a good one in hindsight. I think counseling is important for this reason, which is why Fiance and I are going to start couple’s counseling this spring so we can learn new ways of working out issues and conflicts that may arise. I have faith that we will work because I want it and so does he.

Post # 8
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@eloping: when you watch the video for ‘It’s Your Love’ and they’re all dreamy-eyed, she’s humungously pregnant, and he looks at her like she hung the moon, it makes me sigh. I’d be so depressed if it’s all a lie!

Post # 9
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yes. I come from a family where divorce is rare. I can think of one and they had very legitimate, unavoidable reasons (no one just turned into a jerk, is what I mean). My parents have been married 30 years.

My SO’s mother has been married three times. He’s experience more divorces than most people, you can imagine. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t scare me. I’m not going to let it stop me from eventually marrying him, but it does worry me 🙁 

Post # 10
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Everyone in my family has been divorced!  I just have tried to learn about the reasons why they got divorced and really tried to think about them in relation to my relationship.  I made the decision a long time ago that an arbitrary fear of divorce is no reason to not get married!

Post # 11
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think if a couple is doomed to break up, or a person is destined to suddenly turn into an ass, it’s going to happen whether they’re married or not.  It’s like being afraid to be broken up with just because someone else you know was, married or not.  When someone I know gets divorced, I always attribute it to their personal situation, and not the institution of marriage itself.

Post # 12
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I come from parents who had the view, you just dont get divorced…super old school thinking!  Yes it does make me afraid. My high school sweethear left his wife while she was 8 months pregnant. They had 3 boys already under the age of 4. He remarried imeadiately and all I could think was if HE could do that to someone anything could happen. ( he texted it to me too ” hey just thought you should know I left my wife today and moved into an apt.” I was like WHAT?! He is a great guy with a good heart and had his reasons but man that scared me, he was catholic and didnt believe in divorce. All we can do is work on out relationship and keep it working. I have had this conversation with many of my married friends.

Post # 13
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

well life is full of risks – you could be in a car crash if you drive, everything you eat nowadays will kill you and yes you could end up divorced.

I am divorced and looking forward to a second happy marriage – I am not giving up on life 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

No. I am not marriage counselor but usually when I know a couple that has divorced, it is sometimes easy to see why their relationship fell apart. Sometimes it can be as simple as the way they speak to each other. I have seen two of our couple friends divorce in the last five years. We were guests at both their weddings and we knew they wouldn’t make it… kind of sad to say but it was true. We address things differently in our relationship. Of course there is always a chance of infidelity, sudden abuse, etc, but that is unfortunately you don’t see coming too often.

Post # 15
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, but my FI’s parents are divorced and his mom is remarried and his dad is basically married to another woman…..and recently two of my cousins got divorces, one I saw coming a mile away, the other was a complete shock, they were the happiest people I had ever seen and then boom, no longer in love….It is scary, but does not make me question our love for one another, I feel we have been through enough ups and downs that if we were ever going to be broken, it would have happened long ago.

Post # 16
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmmm. That’s a good question. I’ve thought about the fact that I know that there are a lot of women on this site…married, engaged, and waiting.

of those that get married, close to half of us will also get divorced.

It’s so sad. 

But, here’s how I think of it when I need to put it into perspective.  

Once you’re married, imagine the WORST CASE divorce scenario. I mean UGLY. Devastating. Imagine the divorce event that would completely shatter your soul and make you wonder how your life could ever be whole again. 

Then, think about all your happy times. Think about how your SO makes you smile and laugh, and how he makes you feel special. Think about how it feels to know that he picked you, out of every other woman in the world, to spend the rest of his life with. Know that there would be times like these over the years, following a marriage (hopefully).

Then ask yourself, is it worth it? Are all those times of happiness worth the RISK of the devastation of divorce — a divorce that may or may not ever happen? How hard are you willing to work at marriage? How hard would your SO work to make it work? There’s a lot that goes in to it and there’s no simple answer. 

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