Post # 1
I’m wondering, because the last serious talk my SO and I had about engagement and marriage came after a really cute public proposal we witnessed where the guy surprised his fiancee with a marching band. He told me that I needed to give him some feedback and ideas (e.g., ‘that was really sweet, but that kind of public proposal isn’t for me.) I also read a blog post a friend of mine wrote about proposing to his wife- he relied on little details she suggested, one of which was a song she wished to be playing while he proposed.
I know it doesn’t have to be a precisely orchestrated event, but I just feel so presumptuous making suggestions about how he should propose. I know, that’s really my problem- I feel like I’m being a domineering nag whenever I bring up marriage. He requested my input, so what is the polite way to put things without being too in-your-face? Yes, I need advice, because I am really this socially awkward.
Post # 3
If he requested your input, I say give it to him. I have given my SO some basic proposal guidelines such as not to propose on any holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, ect…and I let him know that I wanted it to just be the two of us….no ‘big’ public display or anything. I don’t think you have to lay down each detail for him….but just give him some basics you would like and let him do the rest!
Post # 4
We went ring shopping together and my fiancé was a bit bummed that it wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t mind since I love my ring and thought it was really special to go together, but I told him I wanted the proposal to be a surprise. Honestly I wasn’t really surprised because I figured him out pretty quickly, but I never told him that because he’d be upset I think. Either way I’m so happy so I can’t complain!
Post # 5
I knew I’d want photos of the event, so I just told him. otherwise I don’t care. lucky I did, because it hadn’t occurred to him to have a photographer hide out! hehe. just figure out what you really want, and tell him that. otherwise, especially if you like surprises, leave it up to him?
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice! I am learning that the whole ‘surprise’ aspect is really important to men, so I think I will give him a couple of loose guidelines to go on, and let him figure out the rest. your replies are making me think of things I might not have otherwise, such as having photos. There’s some things where it’s better not to assume he’ll just figure out he needs to do!
Post # 7
Oh man, I have told my SO what my exact dream proposal would be! But I also told him that ultimately it’s up to him. Since he’s doing all of the work and all. I just want it to include things I like. I definitly don’t want it to be held at some big sporting arena, in front of hundreds of people… and I for sure want my family around.
Post # 8
Yes they do! Take my SO for example, he had no clue on what I wanted, or even what to do (such as getting down on one knee, asking the fathers blessing, getting an engagement ring etc etc)
I really want it to be a special, just us 2 moment – but I would like him to put some romantic thought into it too, can only dream hey 🙂
Post # 9
I would never suggest how to propose. Darling Husband had his own personally plan and I wanted to allow him that. It would seem contrived any other way, IMO.
Post # 10
My SO has his own huge thing planned out, but he asked me basic questions. Really, all I’ve told him is I don’t want a Christmas proposal, but other than that I let him go. His exact words, “This will be the one time I get to surpirse you, just let me have it!” And I will, lol.
Post # 11
Any time the word “hints” comes into the picture, there’s a decent chance the guy won’t pick up on it. So some guys may appreciate it, some may not, and for some it really doesn’t matter which camp they fall in, because your hint won’t register.
Post # 12
I just said nothing too public but other than that I didn’t give any ‘hints’. I know that he’s excited to get to plan everything and so it doesn’t make much sense to tell him things that could make him second guess himself or make it so I actually planned my own proposal 😉 I wouldn’t give hints unless he asked.
Post # 13
I just told him to plan according to his heart. 🙂 I didn’t want to disrespect him in that moment.
Needless to say.. It was a perfect private proposal.
Post # 14
It’s a very tough thing for us, shelling out the cash for the ring, being a nervous wreck for however long and reading your mind all at the same time? No thank you, ma’am.
So, I would go beyond that and say if you want it a certain way, you OWE it to us to spell it out! OWE. 🙂
Post # 15
@Grixis857: How do you guys prefer to be told? I’m just wondering cause I really really really don’t want to be surrounded with a crowd of friends and family when it happens and he hasn’t mentioned his current plans for me to insert a “hey, don’t do this please.” 🙂 Does it seem pushy if we initiate it with a nice FYI or is it one of those wait for the conversation to come up things?
Post # 16
Definitely give your input if he asked for it! I requested that our proposal be private, just the two of us, and I suggested a photographer. He ended up having to change the date, so no photographer, but I’m still super happy with it 🙂