Post # 1
So, I’ve been on match for about three weeks. Pretty much as soon as I joined, a guy emailed me. We emailed for about three weeks before we finally made a date to meet each other last night. In that time, I had been talking to other guys, and even went on two dates, but I wasn’t interested in the guys I went on the dates with.
The guy I met up with last night was gorgeous! We had a lot in common, and he was a complete sweetheart. He pulled out chairs for me and held open doors, which is something the other two guys didn’t do. I am really interested. I actually hate this part, because I feel like if I’m interested in a guy, I get too interested, and end up hurt/disappointed. He mentioned that he’s normally shy around girls, and that I’m the first girl he met up with off of match.
He said he had a good time at the end of the night. There was no goodnight kiss, but we were sitting in his car, so it was kind of awkward. I think he mentioned something about getting in contact with me, but I don’t remember everything that was said.
Someone said I should text him and say thanks, so I sent him a text earlier today and said I had a great time, and thanks for everything. So far, no reply.
Do guys generally wait a few days to contact girls? Should I expect a reply to the text I sent him? He did mention he had plans tonight, so maybe he is really busy. I did see him on facebook though (he sent me the link so I could add him).
Obviously, I’m probably overanalyzing. I really hate dating sometimes 🙁
Post # 3
Do NOT text or call him again, no matter how good the date went. You already texted him a thank you. That’s all he gets. He knows how to get in touch with you. And I know it’s hard-done a LOT of dating, especially online:) Keep yourself busy and meeting other guys. Be a little unavailable when he does call. Make him work for your attention. Good luck:)
Post # 4
@pinkandgold: All guys are different. One of my ex’s didn’t call me for an entire week after we met at a bar. However, I met Darling Husband on-line and we went on 3 dates in the first weekend we met and then became joined at the hip. Keep dating. You never know what may be better out there.
And I totally agree with 2ndtime. Don’t contact him again. You wait for him to contact you.
Post # 5
Thanks for the replies!
@PutABirdOnIt: Just for future reference, would you not text the next day and say thank you? I didn’t want to seem desperate, but I also wanted to thank him, as I don’t really remember if I did last night. I’m new to this whole thing, so I really do not know all the “rules”.
Post # 6
No, do NOT text or call after a date. Thank him when you say good night. And always, always let him contact you. Don’t even call to say hi. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, but never, ever call, text, Facebook, tweet, IM, Let them hunt you down-always. Be cool-like Fonzie. You are a fabulous, in demand girl and maybe you have some time for him, maybe not…get the idea?
I’ve had to so far as to delete a guy’s cell and email from my contacts because I was so tempted. But guess what? If they’re into you, they WILL find you.
Post # 7
@pinkandgold: Always text to say thank you – it leaves the door open for communication and shows the guy that you’re interested. After the text, leave it all up to him.
Post # 8
ok I am calling bs on this. I dont play these stupid games so I called SO the next day after our first date and 4 years later he is still glad I did, he was going to wait a few days to call because he thought thats what you are supposed to do. I am sure not all guys are like my SO but there are no rules, seriously its 2011 and most of us are too old for these stupid games anyway. good luck and hopefully he gets back to you soon 🙂
Post # 9
@miss sparkly cat:
I think it’s stupid too, but I kind of already made the first move (even if it was just a text) and I want to know he’s interested too. So the ball is in his court. I’ve gotten burned before by being too interested, so I’m taking a step back.
Post # 10
I agree with both sides. I think the girl should be free to call, and have it not be such a big deal, but also as a PP said if he’s interested he WILL call you.
My brother told me this years ago before I met my Fiance, and it was so simple but it gave me the clarity I needed while navigating the jungle of online dating. He said “Jenny, it doesn’t matter who the guy is, what’s going on in his life, how busy he is, if he’s broke, if he’s hung over, whatever. If he’s into you he will call you. If he’s not, he won’t.” Not rocket science, LOL, but the male perspective I needed.
Most guys are not that complex when it comes to women. We try to project all these layers of emotion and rationalization onto them while we analyze every thought, sentance and inflection of their voice. But plain and simple, and almost universally true, if they’re into you they will call you.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be able to call them too. And if he freaks out and acts like you’re all clingy because you do, then he’s a douche and not worth your time.
My girlfriend and I always laugh about how guys get squirrley and can take an invitation to see a movie as you trying to trick them into going to the JOP for a quicky wedding. LOL. Boys are dumb. 🙂
Post # 11
On one hand, playing game is bs but on the other, I will never, ever call,text, email or anything else EVER first. It has never worked out for me when I’ve broken that rule so perhaps thats why. But i am such a hard ass. I don’t make guys beg and if they show they are interested, and I AM interested back, they know it, but I am very cautious and really keep my cards close to my chest until i’m sure.
Post # 12
I agree with Peach!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having texted the thank you, but I do agree that I wouldn’t contact him again until he contacts you!
If and when he does, I would probably respond based on how long it took him to get in touch. I get a call in a week? Maybe I let him leave a VM and call back in a couple days. I get a text within a few hours, I’d probably text back pretty soon. It’s not necessarily about any games, just about the “chase”. I don’t think guys do it on purpose, but they always seem to gain more interest in something that seems more unattainable.
Post # 13
I think that you have made your point clear and paved the way for him to freely contact you. All you have to do is wait and unfortunately waiting sucks. You can totally call him up like PPs suggest but that might lead to an awkward convo if he isn’t interested. You thanked him, the ball is in his court.
Post # 14
Well, he messaged me (on Facebook) yesterday and said “Hey, thanks for the great time on Thursday”. It didn’t sound like he got my text, but I’m not sure, as that’s all he said. I waited till today, and replied “I had a great time too. You can call or text me if you like.” So far, nothing. Really, I hate the waiting game. He has my number. Not sure why he wouldn’t just text me, instead of messaging me on facebook. Sigh.
Post # 15
Ouch. I’m gonna be frank here. He sounds like he’s just not that into you. I don’t mean to be bitchy but if he was truly interested i think he would have responded by now.
not to play the game. don’t. he had his chance. You’re worth more.
Post # 16
I heard a radio story about this today!
The girl/guy met, had a good time, he texted her, she texted him back, and then he didn’t respond for 10 days because he wanted to see if she would contact him again to see why he wasn’t contacting her. After 10 days, he texted her and now they are going out again.
Sounds stupid, but you sent him a thank you text, and now I think it’s time to wait and see if he ever contacts you again. Keep going out on other dates and just wait and see…maybe when you least expect it he will show up again. It will then be up to you to decide if you want to continue seeing him if you think he might be a game player.