(Closed) Do husbands and boyfriends normally attend the shower? How big is a shower?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I felt how you feel about it. I hate large groups, and although I appreciated it all, I was totally uncomfortable with people around people on his side that I didn’t know. My mom threw me a shower and she invited my BMs, and women friends. When his side wanted to throw me a shower, I asked if it could be more of a “family celebration” instead of all the attention directed at me. They rejected that (and I wasn’t happy), so I told my Fiance I wanted him to come to his parents’ side shower. They didn’t really like that, but after all the planning and frustration of the last few months, I really just wanted him by my side considering I knew the names of 2/15 people at his sides shower. I know most people will disagree with me and say be thankful for what they’re doing, but it’s YOUR shower, for the wedding YOU are planning. I’d tell them what you want because your going to be the main show!

Post # 4
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I also hate big groups, but honestly, you can ask them to plan it so most of the attention isn’t on you the whole time. We had some men at my shower (FI, my dad, my uncle, my brother, and my best guy friend), so I don’t think that’s weird. My shower was about 60 people (both my side and FI’s side were invited), which was big, but in my opinion, it was better to get it over with in one day rather than have 2 showers!

I was also very anti-shower in the beginning, but it was actually SO nice. The attention was really only on FI and me while we were playing the shoe game. My BMs planned the other games to take the attention off of us. One game was for each table to chose one person and dressed them up like a bride using toliet paper; FI and I were the ‘judges.’ The other game was Bingo with possible gifts while we opened presents –that was great because people were talking to each other and focusing on the game while we unwrapped gifts.

Just remember that it’s only a few hours, and showers can be really important to some people. All of the older women at the shower really enjoyed it. Think of it as a day for them, too!

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I been to a few couple showers, but in my family it’s a female thing. I think it’s not asking to much to have a small shower. it’s to honor you  and so you should speak up because the  the worst thing would be if you are uncomfortable and not feeling youself at your shower.

I also think it’s so weird that they are invitng their children and spouses to your shower, I’ve never heard of that. While you shouldn’t micromange them i would tell them you prefer a smaller showe with just close female friends and a few family members. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@TwoCityBride:  +1

I don’t know a single man that would willingly attend a shower, so why invite a bunch of people who don’t even want to be there, especially people you don’t know.  I would ask your BMs to respect your wishes for a small ladies-only shower.  I get they are trying to do something for you, but it shouldn’t be something that makes you uncomfortable.

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

oh I bet anything those men are being dragged to these things when they don’t even want to be there. It’s rude of them to do this. A shower is supposed to your close friends and family, and it not a formal affair that means they get a plus one.

Post # 11
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No it’s not normal, but they may be throwing a co-ed/couples shower. I am actually having one in the fall and a traditional (female-only) shower in the spring. I have been to quite a few co-ed baby showers and they are always a blast. My FI is looking forward to it and I know it’s going to be a lot of fun. It will be sports-themed because my FI’s family are big on football and we will be in the middle of football season by then.

You defiinitely don’t want to be uncomfortable so if you feel the need to speak up do-so because it is a celebration for you. If you decide to go through with it try going over your concerns with your FI so that he knows this may be one of the times you need him to stay close to you so you feel comfortable and not alone in a room full of strangers. I hope it works out and you enjoy it!

Post # 12
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Definitely sounds like a Couples Shower vs a regular ALL Girls do.

Couples Showers normally have both the B&G attend, and other couples, the themes are usually more guy friendly too (Backyards – BBQs & Grills – or Sporting Activities… like Camping, Kayaking, Biking etc) are popular ones

The nice thing about it having both Guys & Gals there, and a multitude of extended family members is it is a lot more like a get-together than a regular shower would be… so the limelight shouldn’t only be focussed on you.

Relax, enjoy… Smile a lot, be very Gracious… and Polite, and lean on your Fiance if need be (family gatherings when you are the “new” person can be a bit intimidating)… I’m sure you will get thru it together, and have a wonderful time.

 

Post # 13
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The only 2 males at my shower were my FI, and my friend’s 3 year old son.

Post # 14
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

and I had about 35 people at my shower. It wasn’t too crowded, it was just enough people

Post # 15
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

my fiance and his guy friend were at my shower and it was fine

Post # 16
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

My DH came to our shower because it was a large one, thrown out of state for many people who couldn’t attend the actual wedding. I think having men there wouldn’t be the end of the world!

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