Post # 1
As they say long time lurker first time poster…
I purchased a house about a month after meeting my now Fiance. At the time, I had been house hunting for almost a year and had no idea that a year after buying my house I would be planning a wedding. So that being said my mortgage is obviously in my name. We have been living together pretty much since the time I took possession of my home and from the beginning I have wanted him to feel like it is “ours” not just mine. Despite living together he already had his own apartment and it cost more to break his lease than it did to just finish it out. His lease ends this month and we have already worked out all our finances as far as rent and other expenses are concerned. We have talked about finances many times and in great detail. We have worked up a budget for every single expense including emergency savings, wedding savings, honeymoon savings, paying off our higher interest credit cards etc… It seemed we had a really solid plan.
So on to why I am writing this…
Last night Fiance talked to his mom for a bit longer than usual and when he got off the phone he asked about my mortgage and would his name be added. I had done a little research into this previously and talked a lot with coworkers, family, etc. From what I understand you can’t just add a name to the mortgage you have to refinance. I have NO issue with him being on my mortgage. My problem is by the time we get married in November it is very possible that the interest rates will be higher than the rate I currently have. Also, we will have to deal with closing costs again and after a wedding and honeymoon we aren’t really going to have a couple thousand dollars sitting around for that. I explained all of this to him but he seemed pretty dissapointed/upset about it. I am not sure what his mom said to him and he wouldn’t tell me all the details but I know the phrase “just in case something happened” and “will she just be your landlord” were thrown in there. I have zero issues with his mother, we get along fabulously and I really couldn’t be happier about the way they welcomed me into their family. I am certain that her issues she brought up with Fiance concerning the mortgage have nothing to do with me as a person and more with the “what ifs” in general of marriage.
So long story short I am looking for advice from others who owned their own home before marriage and how they dealt with it. Thank you!
Post # 3
@meginstl: I have a similar situation. Fiance didn;t have steady income when I bought our house so it was wiser for me to get financed without him. Now he pays our mortgage and I pay everythhing else. I want him on the mortgage but I dont want to have any penalties for it!
Post # 4
I own the home we are in and it is going to stay that way unless there is a financial gain in adding him to the mortgage.
In my situation my FI’s credit may increase the rate. I worked really hard to get the low interest rate I got and I am not going to change that just to make him feel better. He will feel better knowing we aren’t paying needless interest.
If it financially doesn’t make sense, don’t do it.
Post # 5
I would be practical about it. It’s not like you’re going to charge him rent :). His mom might be being old fashioned about it and think that you should own your home together, but in terms of how you live your life, it’s not going to make one bit of difference. I wouldn’t end up paying more just to make him feel better.
If you guys do end up divorcing, you paid for the house so it should be yours, anyway. If you’re paying off the mortgage together, then I’m sure the judge will be made aware.
Post # 6
I do know that it helps if you get sued and they go after everything you own… they can’t take the house because it’s in both your names. I’ll be in your FI’s position as soon as i sell my freaking house, and then move into his. He just re-financed for a lower rate so we will have to see what happens when trying to add me.
Post # 7
I believe you can add him to the title without adding him to the mortgage. You probably have a small fee for changing the title, but not the $$$ for refinancing. I don’t think it makes any sense to spend the money to refinance. A will would probably provide enough “protection” for him in case anything tragic happened to you and someone tried to claim the house (your family member, ex-spouse, children from another relationship, etc). If you got divorced, you would probably have to either provide spousal support for a period of time (since you were putting a roof over his head) or he would be entitled to half the house anyways. This depends on the laws in your state.
Post # 8
You can definitely just add him to the title. There is a cost to this. You don’t have to refinance.
Post # 9
@ Georgia Bee – I agree with what you are saying. I asked about this and the loan officer said you can always add someone to the paperwork without adding him to the loan. That means YOU would remain financially responsible for paying it, but he gets to own half of it 🙂 How fair does that sound to you?!?!
I have been in my house for 9 years. He will move in shortly before we marry. I love him and obviously plan to be with him for the rest of my life. I feel that i would be out of my mind if i were to willingly sign over everything i’ve built for the past 10 yrs. You NEVER know what can happen. The plan is to pay the house off in 5 yrs. At that point we will buy another house and that one will be in both of our names.
Post # 10
He does not need to be on the mortgage and no it is not worth it. This is the situation for Darling Husband and I, one name is on the mortgage but both names are on the title. There is a will in place for us for the just in case, but in our state, it would not matter, the surviving spouse receives the house and we took out enough life insurance for the other to pay off the remaining mortgage. Hopefully this will never be an issue and we will have our house paid off in 10 yrs.
Post # 11
I think what he and his mother are concerned about is being added to the deed. Being added to the mortgage does not automatically give you ownership rights, it just makes you financially liable in default.
If you want to add him to the deed, you can do so without a refi.
But, IMO, he doesn’t need to be on either the mortgage or the deed. You can will him a percentage of your “estate” in the event of your death. And in the event of a divorce, you should retain your home and equity. I would personally probably take that a step further with a pre-nup that really spells out ownership.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Talk to your bank and see what they can do. Just tell them you’re getting married and you’d like to add your husband to the title and the mortgage but you don’t want to refinance and see if they’ll work with you.
FTR, I wouldn’t do it. I’d sign a premarital agreement, maybe, that acknowledged that the house was a community asset (less your downpayment, if you made a substantial one) and the debt was a community liability, and execute a will that said the same, but if the bank didn’t make it easy and cheap for me to fix I wouldn’t bother changing it with them right now.
Post # 13
My husband bought our house before we got married or engaged. I’ve lived in it since day 1. We have discussed adding me to the mortgage but his bank said we would have to refinance and pay extra $ so it seemed silly to us. I don’t feel like I “rent”, I pay the mortgage too and I consider it my house.
I think you need to talk to your Fiance and see how much of his wanting to be on your mortgage is him and how much is his mom telling him he’s a “renter” and you are his “landlord” in my opinion I’d tell him his mother has no place in the matter and make him sign some sort of pre-nup (if you do put him on your mortgage) since you aren’t currently married and you bought the house yourself.
Post # 14
We’re in the same place – Fiance bought a house while we were dating and I’ve always lived there and it’s definitely “mine” too, but I am not on the mortgage. At the time (before marriage) it didn’t make sense to me. I certainly didn’t want to be tied to a house together if god forbid we didn’t work out. However, my income certainly goes toward the mortgage, furnishings and everything else … so I am on the title of the house. That just means that he can’t sell the house from underneath me without my signature, and if something were to happen to him, I would get the first crack and refinancing the house to keep it.
I would say adding him to the title would make the most sense at this point. Once we’re married, I would like to be on the mortgage, because its great for your credit, but I am not interested in paying all the closing costs/fees again… so we’re going to hold off until it makes better financially sense. It’s not our “forever” home anyway, so I will most likely just wait for the next house. 🙂
Post # 15
Thanks everyone! Lots of great advice. I agree with @Soon2beeMrsM: I need to figure out more about what his/his mother’s concerns really are. I tried to get more information out of him last night but he just blew it off as if it wasn’t really her pushing him. Things she has said in the past make me think she is at least a little uncomfortable with the fact that I make more than her son. I know he has no problem with it but enough pressure from her may be making him a bit uncomfortable with the circumstances. I will definitely ask a few more questions tonight.
Post # 16
As others mentioned, you do not need to refi. I think this is just a matter of paperwork with the lender.
I also don’t understand why this is any of his mothers business?
My husband is not on our mortgage, as I bought my condo when we were single. I didn’t want to go through the hassle of adding him on, and we plan to sell soon, anyway.
In any event, his mom has never even asked about this situation. Did your Future Mother-In-Law ask about your interest rate too? =)
I would be worried that she is concerned about business that is not hers to be concerned about, and hope this doesn’t happen with other items in the future with respect to her son.