(Closed) Do I ask a bridesmaid to drop out

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
1394 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

View original reply
Duska :  He she tried shapewear?

Post # 18
Member
14030 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
Duska :  Sorry, you’re the one who continues to upset her by your refusal to take responsibility. I have no doubt the dress doesn’t fit her properly. Pay for your mistakes by covering alterations or buying her a new, compatible dress and returning or selling the old one.

Post # 19
Member
7319 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You chose bridesmaid dresses that are, essentially, Halloween costumes. You should have paid for all of them. You should definitely pay for alterations rather than expecting a bridesmaid to try to lose weight for your wedding (or potentially get kicked out). 

Has it occurred to you to TALK TO HER and see what caused her feelings and attitude to change?

Also, her telling someone else things about your party isn’t really that big a deal. You aren’t a celebrity. Just ask her to keep things under wraps.

You come across pretty poorly here, OP.

Post # 21
Member
7319 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Duska :  Okay- you need to put relevant points together the first time, not drip them out piecemeal.

First it sounds like you want her to step down because she doesn’t fit her dress and told someone about your wedding party 

Then it’s SHE doesn’t feel good in her dress and you think it’s fine

Now it’s she’s an asshole who was shit talking another bridesmaid on social media and made that person feel badly. That’s completely different things, OP.

What is it?

Post # 22
Member
7584 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You should have had these ladies try the dresses in before you bought them. Wanting your friends to feel confident in how they look is waaaaaaay more important than some kitschy costume theme. 

if your bridesmaid can’t afford the dress or the alterations, you picked the wrong dress. Do not for one second forget that none of these expenses would exist if it weren’t for your wedding.  Your bridesmaid didn’t make this mess; you did. Now you should fix it, by paying for the alterations she needs.

Post # 23
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee

“Instead she gained weight and now the dress looks horrible on her.” 

Post # 24
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Duska :  you need to offer to pay for her alterations and leave it at that. 

Post # 26
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

1. Flapper dresses are not supposed to look tight, they’re supposed to be loose and boxy.

2. So was this girl spilling bridal party secrets or was she shit talking people on social media? What is really going on here?

Post # 27
Member
4890 posts
Honey bee

Actually flapper dresses are straight cut dresses that fit loosely and made for and look best on boyish figures with straight lines and minimal curves (i.e. no boobs or hips), as was the fashion and “ideal” of the time.  From the description of at least two of your bridesmaids, this likely doesn’t match their body type at all and probably in all truth doesn’t look all that great because you cared more about your theme than what style of dress actually matches and flatters the body types of your bridesmaids.

 

Any images you have in your head of flapper dresses being tight fitting is likely a post-20’s interpretation to match the Hollywood body ideal of the current era at that time as they favored more curvy bodied and form fitting clothing and altered the costumes from true flapper-style to conform to the current sex appeal standard.  Kind of like hospital scrubs aren’t actually form fitting and the costume designers of Grey’s Anatomy specially alter the scrubs to take them in at the waist to show off the female actresses curves because boxy shapeless clothes don’t sell their vision of hot doctors having sex in the on-call room.

Post # 28
Member
14030 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
Duska :  Your story keeps conveniently changing. It doesn’t change the fact that you mishandled the whole dress purchase from the start. 

Now you are making it sound as if the social media criticism of the bridesmaid related to her weight rather than to information you didn’t want to get out. That seems unlikely. 

Post # 29
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I think you should pay for the alterations. I think she’ll feel really uncomfortable if she’s worried about her dress all night. May not be ideal, but I thibk that’s your best way forward.

Post # 30
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee

Asking her to step down because she is talking hurtful things about you and your friends is totally fine (and not continuing to be friends). Asking her to step down because she doenar feel comfortable in her dress is more borderline. If the dress is the issue the  I would pay for alteration.

The topic ‘Do I ask a bridesmaid to drop out’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors