Post # 1
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
Hi bees. I need your help with something. So, Fiance and I planned to only have a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, as we are having a very small wedding (~30 people). So, we’ve both asked our best friends to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Now, when I asked my friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I gave her a full out in case she didn’t want to do it. Even though we’ve been best friends ever since I met her 11 years ago, she’s kind of a quiet person and doesn’t like a lot of attention. Plus, she lives on the other side of the country. So I wouldn’t have taken it personally if she didn’t want to be in the party. But, she was honoured and accepted enthusiastically.
Well, when I asked her, I had someone else in mind to be the Maid/Matron of Honor if my friend had refused. This other friend has been close to me for almost 3 years and I know that she plans on having me and Fiance in her wedding (she’s not engaged or anything). Plus, she’s more local and she can help out. She’s actually coming to a bridal show with me this weekend. I’m very worried that she will be extremely hurt if she’s not included in the wedding party. Fiance has said that if we want, we could increase our wedding party and have a bridesmaid and a groomsman. I’m a little torn – I’d love for her to be included, but I also kind of wanted just a small wedding party. BUT, it would be nice to have somebody who is nearby…
Help? What do you think?
Post # 3
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
Anyone? I need to make a decision by the weekend…
Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
You could always increase your wedding party by just one. They don’t have to be symmetrical. I would go this route if your Fiance doesn’t have an obvious choice for a groomsman. You have two girls who are special to you, it’s fine to include them both.
Post # 5
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
I say if you want her as a bridesmaid, go for it. The size of your bridal party doesn’t matter in comparison to the guest list. I assume she will be invited anyways, so having her in your bridal party isn’t an issue.
Post # 6
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@KCKnd2:
@Baroness_Meg:
Thanks to both of you for your input. I know the sides don’t have to be symmetrical, I guess it just irks me to think that they won’t be – I guess I like symmetry! And yes, she’s going to be invited regardless.
Post # 7
Hostess
2999 posts
Sugar bee
I say include her, it seems like it would really mean a lot to her 🙂
Post # 8
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@Lily_of_the_valley: I’m starting to feel this way, too. I think it means more to me that she feel honoured instead of rejected than it is for me to have my ideal small wedding party.
Post # 9
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
My Fiance is having about the same amounts of guests as you, and we’ve decided on one best man and two bridesmaids. I could easily have picked just one of the girls as the other isn’t really into weddings. However, as we’re quite different as persons, I thought it would be fun to get input from both of them! In my case they are both in Sweden, so I really miss having someone local to talk to – if you think you can expand your bridal party just a little, I would go for it.
Post # 10
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@eocenia: Thank you for sharing! I think it wouldn’t be too difficult to expand… it does suck not having anyone local, doesn’t it? This friend is still a couple hours drive, but she’s the closest I have (we recently moved)!
Post # 11
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
@tallierand: It does. You want to be able to meet up, look at dresses (both yours and theirs), shop for the perfect shoes etc… Also, I’m very DIY – which means that I’ll have to do everything myself. It’s ok, as I’m creating the need for the stuff, but it would just be nice to have them over for a night or two! Have a nice dinner, giggle over some wine, putting together the ceremony programs… My Fiance is very supportive and my best friend, but sometimes I really miss not having a girl friend that I can share this with as well. So ya, my recommendation is to ask your local friend as well. Sure, she’s a few hours away – but still within reasonable distance (6 hour time difference between me and my Bridesmaid or Best Man… very sad).
Post # 12
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
I think the “helping out” part is not why you ask someone to be a bridesmaid. If she’s a friend, a good friend, no matter what she will help you out regardless of position in your wedding. As for if she would be hurt if she wasn’t asked, well, that is something you have to take into account. However, this is your wedding and if you only want one person up there, you only want one person up there.
The point of a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man is to have your nearest and dearest up there supporting you. If you feel this friend of 3 years is one of your nearest and dearest. Supports you. And will help keep you from being all crazy, then she’s the girl to have stand by your side.
Post # 13
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@eocenia: Okay, I think you may have convinced me.. the poll certainly seems to also think I should include her.
Post # 14
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@MangoSong: I certainly agree, and I wouldn’t choose her just because she’s useful. I’m not sure where my hesitation comes from, she’s certainly one of our closest friends.. And she definitely would be very supportive.
Post # 15
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
You could always ask her to do a reading or something to include her in the wedding, if you didnt want to have her as a bm
Post # 16
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@Suz168: Thank you! That idea had actually not occurred to me. I will definitely consider that 🙂
