(Closed) Do I ask or do they offer?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@TypeABride2013:  The bridal party isn’t really required to help with anything other then the day of.  But if you want help, you should always ask.  Never expect someone to do what you want them to, if you don’t communicate to them.

Post # 4
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can always ask, but I’ve never been involved in a wedding where the bridal party was at all responsible for helping to plan or do DIY stuff or anything, that’s always been on the bride and her Fiance.

Post # 5
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We all hope they offer so we don’t come off as being pushy…. but you need to ask. How are they supposed to know you want their help, otherwise? 

Post # 6
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

What do you want their help with?

Post # 7
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eh.  Sometimes they offer sometimes you need to ask.  If you need help, there is no harm in asking. Just remember that people aren’t mind readers so they might just not know if/when you need help.  Also, you can’t hold it against a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she is unable to help.

Post # 8
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It’s your wedding, and not their responsibility to assist with planning. They have their own lives. If they have time and interest, they will offer. But if they don’t, hire someone. It will be money well spent.

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yeah most of the time I would think if you are guys are really close then they would want to offer help but sometimes they don’t and then that’s when you have to ask for help. 

Post # 10
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you need help there is no harm in asking, but it is not really up to them to plan your wedding.  Is your Fiance helping or can your parents help?  Or do you have it in your budget to hire a planner?

If your friends are able to help just ask them, but don’t be one of those brides who threatens to demote a bridesmaid because she can’t/won’t help plan your wedding.

Post # 11
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@TypeABride2013:  You should always ask for help if you need it. People who wait for help to be offered usually end up bitter and resentful, surrounded by confused people who can’t figure out why So-And-So is bitter and resentful. Although, I’m not sure what kind of help you’re talking about, or whether it’s reasonable to expect bridesmaids to do it even if you ask. Most bridesmaids don’t sign on for wedding planning or DIY projects. You can always ask, but depending on WHAT you’re asking, it might be perfectly reasonable for them to say “no thanks.”

Post # 12
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would ask, but be careful not to demand.  Something like “I’m hoping to get started on my invites next week.  Would anybody want to come help?  There’ll be wine!”.  They probably will come over and lick some envelopes just to spend some time with you.

Or you should know your wedding party.  If you’ve got someone who actually enjoys these kinds of tasks, she might just be waiting for you to ask to not be pushy (that would be me.  I love crafting, but know I can get a little bulldozer like with my ideas so I’ll sit back unless asked for input, but would feel bad if a friend thought it was a bother)

Post # 13
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would ask for help.  I mean these people are supposed to be your friends so as long as it’s not too demanding of their time or you get pissed if they can ‘t help…. I’d ask. 


I’ve helped stuff the invites, and helped with favors.  It’s repetition and not too time consuming. 

Post # 14
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@TypeABride2013:  Ask nicely just like you would anytime you need help for anything else. Painting your livingroom? Need help? Ain’t nobody gonna OFFER, but if you ask nicely and provide pizza, they might say yes. 🙂 

Sorry your friends aren’t just offering though! I’m always confused when brides post that no one wants to help. I love all that DIY crap and always offer to do anything and everything even when I’m NOT in the bridal party!

Post # 15
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

This is definitely something you would ask, as it wouldn’t necessarily be assumed. Some bridesmaids may be actually looking forward to helping you in whatever way you’d like, but are politely waiting for you to ask. Others may be too busy and not expecting you to ask such a thing, so always ask in a way that gives them an easy out.

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