(Closed) Do I ask them if they set a date?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I ask them if they set a date?
    Yes! Stop being weird, that's not rude at all. : (42 votes)
    93 %
    No! Mind your business and stick to planning your own wedding. : (3 votes)
    7 %
    Other. I don't know why you would pick this, it's a yes or no question. Please explain yourself. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I say ask them – a nicely phrased but slightly awkward question now could save a lot of headache and hurt feelings later on.

    A couple of friends of ours got engaged shortly after we’d set a date – we’d booked the venue and cleared it with our wedding party, but hadn’t sent Save-The-Date Cards or anything.  I felt so completely awkward emailing about it, but ended up just giving her a heads up that I’m super psyched about their engagement and am inviting them and a bunch of mutual friends on our date.  I was nervous for days that I’d been out of line or too territorial about our date until she responded and was happy I’d let her know. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I would definitely ask them.  Don’t stress – it’s not a big deal and, as a bride, I would appreciate being asked in advance.

    Turns out I got married on the same day as an acquaintance of mine.  We wouldn’t have invited each other to our wedding but, we did have some of the same guests.  Fortunately, mine was early afternoon and hers was early evening and they were only 20 minutes away from each other.  So, it turned out okay in the end and those guests just rushed from my reception to her wedding but I would have loved it if we had both realized it ahead of time and one of us had made an adjustement to avoid the stress on our guests.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    ask! it’s probably not as big a deal as you’re making it out to be (unless they haven’t set a date because they’re thinking of ending it, which is HIGHLY unlikely). just explain you want to set a date but don’t want to interfere with theirs! i’m sure they’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think you should definitely ask them. It shows that you’re being considerate and that you’re making an effort to plan around them.

    However if she doesn’t give you an answer or puts you off, have a date or two in mind and let her know so at least she doesn’t make you wait for forever to start planning your own wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think it is perfectly fine to ask her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    She’ll probably appreciate the fact that you were considerate enough to ask instead of just saying “well screw her!” and booking a venue without any regard for if they’ve made plans or not. 🙂

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