(Closed) Do I bring my boyfriend to my friend’s wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would ask her. I’m inviting people without a +1 unless they’re in a relationship, but it’s already come up a couple times that when I first compiled the guest list a friend was not in a relationship/just in the early stages when you don’t know if it is going anywhere so you don’t want to include the new bf and make it awkward later if they’ve broken up…but a few months later, the relationship is going strong, and I would want them to feel comfortable bringing that person, even if the original invite didn’t say it. I will try to tell all of them before they have to ask me, but maybe your friend just overlooked it.

OR, maybe she really does not have room for him, which would be fine too, but personally, I think this is a situation where it is appropriate to ask her. I would feel really bad if someone’s SO didn’t come in this situation because I forgot to mention they were invited.  Everyone is different though, so I say ask.

Post # 18
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If I were your friend I’d want you to bring him at this stage…and I would not mind at all if you asked.  I do think that the fact that she suggested you bring him to the engagement party says something.  So I say ask, but don’t push it.  You can even ask in the context of the fact that you did not think he was invited to the small wedding, but you were now unsure b/c of the e-party thing.  (FWIW, I think it would be a little rude to specifically ask him to come to the e-party and then tell you not to bring him to the reception, but that’s just me.)

Post # 19
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it was nice of her to invite him to the party-but it sounds like you were invited to the wedding alone-If someone said "budget wedding" to me, I would take that as a polite way of them saying "you can’t bring a guest"

Post # 20
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Just ask her. Tell her exactly what you told us – that you were a little confused and could use some clarification, but that you’re fine either way. If she’s your friend, I’m sure she won’t mind. Technically, if he’s not on the wedding invitation, he’s not invited, but since she encouraged you to bring him afterward, that makes this a tricky situation. It’s possible that she may have had a change of heart. I would definitely just ask to be sure.

Post # 21
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

WOW, what a polite way to put it. I think asking nicely before the invitations go out is fine. I think that if she asked you to invite your bf to the engagement party but chooses not to have him at the wedding it is strictly budgetary, but she values you as a friend and wishes to know what is going on in your life. Just ask her, be like, “No pressure, since I completely understand how much weddings are etc. but since you invited bf to the e-party, is he invited to the wedding? I was just wondering, please let me know, he would love to come, but both of us completely understand if not, and I will be there regardless.” 

Post # 22
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

your friend making sure you brought your boyfriend to her engagement party was a nice gesture since obvi she’s known you guys have been dating.

this does not mean that you should bring him to a formal event, such as her wedding, like you said…. her wedding is budgeted, you were only on the invite, and if she hasn’t said anything to you, i wouldn’t ssay antyhing and go to the wedding and have a good time.

 

Post # 23
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to go with asking (in a very non-pushy way!) as well.  I say this because her actions definitely imly two different conclusions ettiquete wise.  Not including his name (or a +1) on the invite implies he’s not invited, but you’re really supposed to invite everyone from an engagement party to a wedding….  Either way, she’s made SOME mistake, so it seems correct to clarify what she intends 🙂

Post # 24
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think your Boyfriend or Best Friend is invited. She clearly knew you were dating and did not include him on the invitation, so it looks like the invite was only extended to you. I would feel weird asking her. However, I can see where the bride had a hand in creating this confusion since she made a point of inviting him to the engagement party. Personally, I would not have done that. IMO, you don’t invite someone to your engagement party, shower, or bachelor/bachelorette party (i.e., all wedding related events) and then not invite them to your wedding.

Post # 25
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you should ask. but ask in a way that lets her know that you understand her answer may be “no”. I’m a little confused as to when she said “bring Alex”. If it was before the engagement party the it was meant for you to bring him to the e-party. you were already at the engagement party, then she meant for you to bring him to the wedding, right?

either way, I say ask her…

Post # 26
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

“You don’t ask, you don’t get.” (in this case, ‘get’ is clarification, not an invitation.)

I’m in the ‘ask’ camp.  She’s sending mixed signals now since he was invited to the shower/party.  I second that you don’t say something like, “Alex is invited, right??” instead, let her know first and foremost that you’re not fishing for an invite from him, and definitely don’t mind attending on your own, you just want to make sure you’re honoring her wishes.

Good Luck!

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