Post # 17
I would ask her. I’m inviting people without a +1 unless they’re in a relationship, but it’s already come up a couple times that when I first compiled the guest list a friend was not in a relationship/just in the early stages when you don’t know if it is going anywhere so you don’t want to include the new bf and make it awkward later if they’ve broken up…but a few months later, the relationship is going strong, and I would want them to feel comfortable bringing that person, even if the original invite didn’t say it. I will try to tell all of them before they have to ask me, but maybe your friend just overlooked it.
OR, maybe she really does not have room for him, which would be fine too, but personally, I think this is a situation where it is appropriate to ask her. I would feel really bad if someone’s SO didn’t come in this situation because I forgot to mention they were invited. Everyone is different though, so I say ask.
Post # 18
If I were your friend I’d want you to bring him at this stage…and I would not mind at all if you asked. I do think that the fact that she suggested you bring him to the engagement party says something. So I say ask, but don’t push it. You can even ask in the context of the fact that you did not think he was invited to the small wedding, but you were now unsure b/c of the e-party thing. (FWIW, I think it would be a little rude to specifically ask him to come to the e-party and then tell you not to bring him to the reception, but that’s just me.)
Post # 19
I think it was nice of her to invite him to the party-but it sounds like you were invited to the wedding alone-If someone said "budget wedding" to me, I would take that as a polite way of them saying "you can’t bring a guest"
Post # 20
Just ask her. Tell her exactly what you told us – that you were a little confused and could use some clarification, but that you’re fine either way. If she’s your friend, I’m sure she won’t mind. Technically, if he’s not on the wedding invitation, he’s not invited, but since she encouraged you to bring him afterward, that makes this a tricky situation. It’s possible that she may have had a change of heart. I would definitely just ask to be sure.
Post # 21
WOW, what a polite way to put it. I think asking nicely before the invitations go out is fine. I think that if she asked you to invite your bf to the engagement party but chooses not to have him at the wedding it is strictly budgetary, but she values you as a friend and wishes to know what is going on in your life. Just ask her, be like, “No pressure, since I completely understand how much weddings are etc. but since you invited bf to the e-party, is he invited to the wedding? I was just wondering, please let me know, he would love to come, but both of us completely understand if not, and I will be there regardless.”
Post # 22
your friend making sure you brought your boyfriend to her engagement party was a nice gesture since obvi she’s known you guys have been dating.
this does not mean that you should bring him to a formal event, such as her wedding, like you said…. her wedding is budgeted, you were only on the invite, and if she hasn’t said anything to you, i wouldn’t ssay antyhing and go to the wedding and have a good time.
Post # 23
I’m going to go with asking (in a very non-pushy way!) as well. I say this because her actions definitely imly two different conclusions ettiquete wise. Not including his name (or a +1) on the invite implies he’s not invited, but you’re really supposed to invite everyone from an engagement party to a wedding…. Either way, she’s made SOME mistake, so it seems correct to clarify what she intends 🙂
Post # 24
I don’t think your Boyfriend or Best Friend is invited. She clearly knew you were dating and did not include him on the invitation, so it looks like the invite was only extended to you. I would feel weird asking her. However, I can see where the bride had a hand in creating this confusion since she made a point of inviting him to the engagement party. Personally, I would not have done that. IMO, you don’t invite someone to your engagement party, shower, or bachelor/bachelorette party (i.e., all wedding related events) and then not invite them to your wedding.
Post # 25
I think you should ask. but ask in a way that lets her know that you understand her answer may be “no”. I’m a little confused as to when she said “bring Alex”. If it was before the engagement party the it was meant for you to bring him to the e-party. you were already at the engagement party, then she meant for you to bring him to the wedding, right?
either way, I say ask her…
Post # 26
“You don’t ask, you don’t get.” (in this case, ‘get’ is clarification, not an invitation.)
I’m in the ‘ask’ camp. She’s sending mixed signals now since he was invited to the shower/party. I second that you don’t say something like, “Alex is invited, right??” instead, let her know first and foremost that you’re not fishing for an invite from him, and definitely don’t mind attending on your own, you just want to make sure you’re honoring her wishes.
Post # 27
I’ve been on the boards since this post, but after seeing it resurface (after 10 months!) I thought I might come back and provide you all (and other people with this type of question) a little update…
In this situation, I did not end up asking if my boyfriend was invited. When it came down to it, I just felt awkward doing so. I mailed in the RSVP for one and went alone. Months later I finally found out if he was invited or not… and he wasn’t. My boyfriend and I have crossed over the one year mark and are now actually living together and on the path towards marriage ourselves. In this time, we’ve become great ‘couple friends’ with the married couple and do things with them all the time. Since then, the wife actually said, “I’m sorry we couldn’t have you at the wedding, Alex, there just wasn’t much room on the guest list.” So, there you go!
The above advice was really helpful last fall when I came across another invite issue… there wasn’t an inner envelope for a wedding of a friend and I didn’t know if I could bring a guest or not. In this case, I went ahead and asked the bride casually and it turned out that I could bring the boyfriend along :).
As a side note, I’d like to encourage those on the fence to go ahead and give their single friends the option of bringing a guest (even if they haven’t been together for over a year, engaged, etc). It was pretty painful to sit at a table of three engaged couples alone… especially because there was an empty seat at our table! I ended up leaving when the dancing began because it was just too awkward for me to follow all of the couples that I barely knew around the party.