(Closed) Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’m sorry but he sounds awful.  I only got through the first couple paragraphs and I already see red flags flying.  Those arguments are sound like high schoolers (or middle schoolers), those are things that shouldn’t even be turning into arguments.  And silent treatment for 4 days?? Wow.  All I can see is you being miserable if you marry him :/

ETA:  I just read more and really does sound awful!  If I were you I would run far away from him.  He will control you through your whole marriage if you marry him.  🙁

Post # 3
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

First off, I apologize, but I didn’t read your entire post. However this screams emotional abuse to me. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by staying. I’ve been given the silent treatment before and for me, that’s torture. I’d rather be screamed at and hash it out (that’s not okay either of course). I think you truly know what you need to do and are looking for agreement. Trust yourself, you’re strong and can do what you have to.

Post # 4
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This seems like a no-brainer. You don’t even know him well enough to determine if you’d want to marry him even without red flags. 

Post # 5
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes. Cancel the wedding, but not only that, end the relationship immediately. There’s nothing salvageable here. He sounds like a very dangerous person to be around. 

Post # 6
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Wow. TBH bee I didn’t read all that because it seemed like you were going into the details of your fight which frankly, to me , don’t matter all that much. If it’s of any comfort, Fiance and I fought the most during the beginning of our engagement due to family issues and finances. But we were together for 4 years being engaged, so we’ve had a handful of fights. I think personally y’all moved WAYY too quickly and I would be wary of marrying someone that I barely know. Also, I think that you questioning whether you should cancel the wedding or not says it all. Maybe y’all should slow down and get to know each other first. 

Plus you sound kinda young, so if you are maybe instead of focusing on gettinv married you should focus on getting to know one another first. 

Post # 7
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I have not had one full week of peace since he moved here.”

You need to get out of this relationship immediately. My Fiance and I moved quickly as well, so this is said without an ounce of judgement–when you agreed to marry this man, you had NO idea who he was. What he has shown you in the past few months is that he is childish, rude, unstable, cruel, selfish, and frankly, abusive. He’s very clearly emotionally manipulating you and abusing you. It’s not normal and it’s not okay. 

I reposted one of your sentences at the beginning of this, because if you marry him, all of your weeks will be like this. Don’t ruin your life. 

Post # 8
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Leave this guy

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee

You really shouldn’t mary him, at least not until he grows up and these ridiculous arguments stop. Nobody deserves to be treated this way and you need to stop begging him to act like an adult or half decent bf. Lose out on the money deposits now, see if your relationship improves, then move forward.  

Post # 10
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

The real question should be: why are you so desperate that you would want to marry this man? Do you not believe you have any worth? Because I can tell you just from what I’ve read that your partner is a sack of crap. Seriously, why are you putting up with this?

Post # 11
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Cancel the wedding, cut off contact, and consider filing a restraining order. You owe him nothing. Do not concern yourself with what he’ll do for a place to live, a car to drive, or anything else. This man is a danger to your emotional wellbeing, and likely your physical wellbeing. 

Post # 13
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you want another 50+ years of this sort of dynamic? Do you want to be a divorcee in a few years? B/c those are your only two options if you move forward with the wedding. He isn’t going to miraculously change into some other person. Your dynamic is never going to improve beyond what it is now. 

Post # 14
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

I started over at 30, met SO on Tinder at 31. We will be engaged in a few months, married when I’m 33. You have plenty of time. Don’t sell yourself short and tie yourself to an abusive loser just because you feel your biological clock ticking. 

Post # 15
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

pinkivy2017 :   You will not have peace in your life until he is completely out of your life.  You can choose to end the relationship now, or later, but at some point your survival instinct will kick in, and you will end it.  I suggest ending it now.  

Please keep in touch to let us know you are safe.  I wish you strength as you move forward.

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