(Closed) Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 136
Member
7042 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

pinkivy2017 :  I know you don’t want judgement, but I’m going to be honest and say it’s going to be very hard to say what needs to be said without it sounding judgemental. I don’t intend it to be, but I think you really need to re-read everything you wrote and have a serious reality check.

You got engaged after “dating long distance” for 2 weeks. That’s NOT dating. Saying you are in a relationship is NOT dating. Dating is when you spend time with each other going out and talking and doing things couples do. Sure some couples date long distance but they also spend time getting to know each other in person too before getting engaged and married.

You need to get out. Call off the engagement/wedding and find yourself someone who is your equal and treats you as such. This guy sounds like a total nightmare.

Post # 137
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I couldn’t read all of it because he sounds like my ex husband. Basically, you always need to say and do the “right thing”, but that changes every day. You can’t say what you think because you are being disrespectful to someone, but it doesn’t matter how you feel or if you are disrespected.  It sounds like you are the one paying for the majority of things and what you are doing isn’t good enough. He acts like a child and emotionally blackmails you. Do you want to spend your LIFE like this? What will happen when you have kids? You need to RUN. The money you lose the deposits is minimal to what it will cost you when you get married. This dude sounds unstable. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and be glad you still have time to get out.

Post # 140
Member
7042 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

pinkivy2017 :  Actions speak louder than words. Even with you clarification, you essentially only spent two weeks phsyically together in a span of basically 8-10 months. I don’t care how many times you talk on the phone, skype, text, etc….it’s not a substiute for being around someone in person. It’s very easy to hide behind words but you only really see a person for who they are when you are with them every day. I think you know that, and you’re obviously having doubts, otherwise you wouldn’t have posed this.

You just need to cut your losses at this point and move on. Get the money out of the joint account and into your personal one, and cut him loose.

Post # 141
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

pinkivy2017 :  I hope you have a plan on how to get out of this relationship. It sounds volatile. He will react when he finds he doesn’t have access to the money. Please don’t stay in the same house alone with him, he may go ballistic.

Post # 142
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your post title says you’re confused, but deep inside I don’t think you are. You already know you have to call this off, and now you have 10 pages of validation from others. Please be safe and listen to PPs about the danger you may be facing. 

Post # 143
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 

pinkivy2017 :  if you stay with him, you won’t have to worry about starting over after 30… Because you’ll probably be dead in a few years. 

Sorry to be harsh but he isn’t going to change, he’s going to get worse. How long will it be before he pulls a knife on you? 

You’ve described an abusive relationship through and through and I can only hope that your update about getting a new bank account means you’re going to leave.

Post # 145
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

pinkivy2017 :  I apologise if you feel that way. I can assure you that I wasn’t trying to be a bitch or hide behind the internet.. I would say the same thing to you face to face or to any of my friends if they came to me with the same story. 

The fact is you have described an abusive relationship with the potential for it to turn violent. I only wanted to highlight the point that there are worse outcomes than being alone at 30 which seemed to be your main reason for staying. 

As for posting on a three day old post, many people do post particularly when it is at the top of the board through recent postings. Several other bees have done the same on this post.

I won’t post again as per your wishes. I truly hope this situation is resolved in a way that best ensures your safety and happiness.

The topic ‘Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors