(Closed) Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee

30 isn’t old. I started over at 30 after my marriage ended. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. This whole situation sounds awful and a wedding is not going to change it. I would cut my losses and walk away.

Post # 17
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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pinkivy2017 :  ummm yes you should call off the wedding.

Post # 18
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

You know it’s not working and neither of you are happy with the situation. How is he going to support himself in marriage without work? He appears unstable and almost manic. At the very least postpone the wedding.  30 is not old.

Post # 19
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

There’s not one thing in your post that seems to suggest why you would want to stay with him – you guys fight all the time, he pressures you to smoke marijuana (which is having an effect on your sex life together), and he sounds like an absolute leech. He’s landed on his feet, free board and lodgings and no responsibilities. Why do you want to be with him?

At the very least, I’d postpone the wedding until he can make good on the promises to contribute or you see any commitment from his family.

Post # 20
Member
1965 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m sorry, the moment he got a KNIFE and held to his next I would have noped out so fast his head would have spun. Even with just the fighting and pouting from him he is not an adult and has issues, but that, no that is not okay. He will hurt you. It is only a matter of time. 

How old are you two? Where is he from? 

Post # 21
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Leave him. You deserve better.

 

Post # 22
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Call off the wedding, try to get your money back where you can but don’t worry about it – it’s far more important to get out! 

And when he tries to pull the emotional manipulation when you break up and kick him out have some friends on hand to help pack him up and out and keep him knife wielding drama out of your life. 

Post # 23
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

He held a knife to his neck to get you to fight with him..  or… something.

He is majorly unstable and he needs serious help that you are not qualified to give him.

This can turn violent, he held a knife to his throat. He’s SERIOUSLY disturbed. 

Post # 24
Member
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is beyond the pale bee. Your Fiance is emotionally abusive. I think he has serious mental issues. Any ONE of the incidents you described would justify your leaving him behind, but when you put them all together, it’s inconceivable why you would go through with the marriage. In a way, your Fiance has given you a gift–he’s shown you what you can expect for the rest of your life should you marry him. 

“the problem is, my feelings have completely changed. I feel no sparks, no trust, no love.”

I don’t blame you. I felt the same way toward my ex (who was an ass but not anywhere near the level of insane emotional abuse gaslighting mentally unstable that yours is) after he finally “reformed” and I ended up leaving him. After 3 years of putting up with his shit, I was just drained and felt nothing for him anymore. I remember one time toward the end he came to visit me (I had moved away) and when I saw his face, I felt the strongest revulsion…it was almost physical. My body was just rejecting this man as a means of self preservation. It was actually liberating.

Also I don’t care if you were going through this at age 40, 50, or any other age…get this into your head: it is better to live your life alone than to be in a miserable relationship. And you wont’ live your life alone…30 is young, you’ll be fine…just next time maybe get to know the person for a little more than a 2 week internet relationship before committing to marriage!

Post # 26
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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pinkivy2017 :  You need to break up with him immediately. I would move out with out telling him first, he sounds very dangerous. Abusive people are at their most threatening when you leave them, so protect yourself.

I would after that, get therapy for yourself. You need to find out why you were willing to jump into an engagement after TWO WEEKS of LONG DISTANCE chatting. Thats crazy and dangerous. Good luck! Life will be better without him, thats for sure.

Post # 28
Member
2991 posts
Sugar bee

GET OUT NOW. RIGHT NOW.  Your relationship is new, and he is currently on his BEST behavior, which is horrible. It will only get worse. MUCH WORSE.  Please GET OUT.

I wasted 15, yes, FIFTEEN years of my life with an emotionally abusive spouse. It will NEVER get better. GET OUT.

Post # 29
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would rather be alone than with him.

Post # 30
Member
1965 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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pinkivy2017 :  Okay. We’ll 30 is not old. At all. I just turned 30 and finally feel like I know who I am and what I want out of life. But you need to get away from him. make sure he can not get to your money, start moving your things out, or if there is a day he is gone, move it all out that day. Change your number and get away from him. He is not stable. 

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