(Closed) Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

Girl, RUN. This is not a good relationship for either of you. Get out before the emotional abuse escalates. He has absolutely shown himself as someone you do not want to bind yourself to for life. You deserve better. You deserve peace and happiness, not…this. Nothing like this.

Post # 32
Member
5232 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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MrsBuesleBee :  

Agreed. I was in the same boat but it was a planned pregnancy after knowing him for two months. I have massive anxiety and my pregnancy fixation was a result of that. Op can benefit from some soul searching with a professional 

Post # 33
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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pinkivy2017 :  If he is hurting your feelings now – I can guarantee it will get 10 if not 100 times worse after you are married.  Marriage is hard – even when everything seems perfect at first…. I pray you make the right choice.  

For what it is worth – I had to start over at the age of 53 and it was the BEST relationship decision I have ever made! 

Post # 34
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee

Bee, I can tell you from personal experience having been married to someone very similar to how you describe your Fiance, your marriage will be MISERABLE. You will walk on eggshells, police WILL become involved at some point, you will lose friends/family/respect from people close to you because you’ll choose to stay with this man in order to not cause fights and in your effort to keep the peace. TRUST ME, it will not work. You will become emotionally, mentally, physically and financially drained.

There is so much more, so much better for you out there. 

Post # 35
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

Start Over!  Your age is completely irrelevant here.  You get one life, is this how you want to live it?  You need to do whatever you can to move on immediately. 

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship prior to my husband.  It was very hard to move on because of the berating and emotional up and down I was put through but eventually he left me.  Best thing he ever did for me 😉  And I met my now husband at 32. 

Post # 37
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You’re being gaslighted. It’s not all your fault. 

However, you need to leave. Pack up and get out today, and never look back. 

Post # 39
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Run.  Don’t walk, run.  He sounds abusive and mentally ill.  You deserve much more than this!

Post # 40
Member
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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pinkivy2017 :  

Does any of his behavior seem *normal* to you?  Threatening to slit his own throat to get control of you?  Does that sound even remotely normal or healthy?

Of course it’s emotional abuse, severe emotional abuse.  The first red flag was the rush to nail the relationship down.

I’m less concerned with his crazy behavior–he’s an abuser, he is what he is and he won’t change.  It’s like believing you can train a rattlesnake to stop biting with poisonous venom.  You can’t.  It’s what they do.

The bigger concern is how the hell does any of this seem normal or ok to you?

OP, you have got to get yourself into therapy to sort this out and figure out why you have tolerated his abuse this long.  No couples’ counseling–that’s dangerous with abusers.  But individual therapy for you.

And of course, you must call off the wedding.  This relationship is one that could very well end in some grisly murder-suicide.

Post # 42
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This guy is a DISASTER. Petty, immature, emotionally domineering, manipulative, ungrateful…you didn’t describe a SINGLE positive thing about him or your relationship. If seems like you primarily want to get married / don’t want to be single. But that’s the worst reason to marry!

re: starting over: right now is the youngest you’ll ever be again. If you turn this bad relationship into a bad marriage, you’ll be starting over again in a few years: older, and with wedding and divorce debt, and a lot more bad memories. 

Plus thirty really isn’t that old! I have many friends who haven’t found their “forever relationships” until their mid-30s or later. They’re doing fine! This man is NOT the last chance you’ll ever have at love and marriage, and he sounds emotionally abusive, so don’t let yourself allow panic to steer you to an unhappy decision. 

Post # 44
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Please leave him and also please look into counseling.  You seem to have no respect for yourself.

Post # 45
Member
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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duchessgummybunns :  

‘Divorced in a few years’?!  Hell, if she marries this guy, she’ll be lucky to be *alive* in a few years.

Darling Bees, please read the entire OP on this one.

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