(Closed) Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

Cancel the wedding and leave him, but tell your family and friends first and find another place to stay for a little while… It seems likely that he’ll get violent.

Post # 77
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee

pinkivy2017 :  Wow, bee! Speaking from someone who had to break off an engagement and cancel wedding contracts, I know it totally sucks. And you’ll lose money. But don’t marry him because you’re afraid of how things will look if you break it off or the loss of money. In the long run, it will save you tons of money and heartache if you have to end up going through a divorce later. Not to mention the weekly arguments for the rest of your life. Yuck!!! He sounds absolutely horrible!!!!

Bee, I was 32 when my engagement ended. Not even one year later, and I’m happily moving on and planning to get engaged soon to a wonderful man. I am sooooo thankful I didn’t go through with the previous marriage. I would have been miserable!!!!!

I know you’re in a tough spot emotionally and mentally, but try to only think about what is the reasonable thing to do in this situation. Don’t marry him because you’re afraid of losing money or starting over at 30 or what people will say/think. Trust me, people will be supportive and understand your reasoning!!!

Please PM me if you want to talk more. Hugs!!

Post # 78
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Run. Run fast and far.  I called off a wedding at 30 (3 weeks before the big day) and it was the best decision I ever made.  I felt bad about all the money that was wasted, but my dad said something that made so much sense: “It’s just money. We can make more.”  He’s right….it’s just money.  Your life, your happiness, your safety, and your emotional wellbeing are FAR more important than money.

By the way…..I’m now engaged and getting married to the man of my dreams.  Even after starting over at age 30.  It does get better.  NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THE WAY THAT HE TREATS YOU….ESPECIALLY SOMEONE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.  Get away and never look back.

Post # 79
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Family Ranch

you deserve SO much better. this not healthy & i dont think you are happy. you are able to start over & will find an amazing man who DOES NOT treat you like this!

Post # 80
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I started over at 30 after ending a long-term live-in relationship with a complete liar, and was concerned about being “older and dating.” It turned out that I had a lot more fun and attracted much better quality guys being single at 30 than then when I was single at 23. I ended up reconnecting with a guy from my hometown and we were engaged at 33, and married at 34. We’ve been married 2+ years and it’s been great (not to say there are not hard times too, but that’s normal). He is my soulmate and we travel the world together, make art together, and rescue dogs together. THERE IS LOVE OUT THERE FOR YOU, PLEASE LEAVE THIS GUY!!

Post # 81
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee

I know you said you don’t want to be old and alone, but honestly, isn’t old and alone better than being emotionally blackmailed, watching someone threaten to cut their own throat, always being on edge, having your secrets spilled to random people, and being threatened all the time?

Seriously, leave him! You’re not safe there and you’re not happy. There’s nothing that he’s providing to you. You don’t even enjoy spending time with him.

Post # 82
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Please leave him .. literally right fucking now. He is abusing you, he is terrible he is honestly a total piece of shit. Being old and alone is 1000000 times better than this.

But you will not be old and alone you are 30… at this day and age so many people are single at this age so please please please leave him and focus on ourself.

Post # 83
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

pinkivy2017 :  Sorry to say from what you’ve written (I read the first half), I think you should cancel. He sounds awful. Does he always pick a fight over everything? I would see about ways to leave safely though this could get volatile fast. Maybe move out but have sheriff’s department come by? Sounds dramatic but they do that and its in case he gets violent. Then go no contact. 

Be careful! Fwiw I met my husband at 31, so I too was single at 30. Hugs! 

Post # 85
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

pinkivy2017 :  Get some cash out and open a new account at a different bank. Do this right when you’re about to leave so he doesn’t geta heads up. Actually if you call a women’s shelter they will be able to tell you what’s best getting away. 

Post # 86
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

pinkivy2017 :  I dont really have anything to add as far as advice or even an opinion really. BUT, I hope you take what these bees are saying to heart. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find happiness!!! 

Post # 87
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

No advice other than to leave. I’m so sorry for this situation, bee! *hugs and strength*

Post # 88
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I don’t mean this in a judgey way at all, but he sounds completely awful and unstable and none of this is healthy. Please don’t marry him! You sound like a catch, and I’m sure that you will find someone who truly loves you!

Post # 89
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I truly believe deep down you have answered your own questions and know you do not want to be with him. This is THE BEST it will ever be. Once married it will just get worse. Follow your heart, trust your strength and move on. He is not going to go quietly, I guarantee that. Stay strong. There is an amazing man out there for you. Good luck

Post # 90
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I promise there is someone much better for you out there! I ended a 6 years relationship at 30 and now have the most amazing man in my life. Don’t stay before you are scared of what could be. If it could he would have never behaved in the way he has. Love isn’t enough EVER! Respect is so very important and he clearly doesn’t have any for you to treat you this way. Get out ASAP!

I agree with all comments on telling family and getting away from him as it could get ugly. Better safe than sorry in these situations. You can never be too careful! Good luck! And please let us all know how you are doing in the future. We are all here to support each other so come back and chat!

The topic ‘Do I call off the wedding? CONFUSED! HELP!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors