Do I confront my Maid of Honor or leave it?

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
9352 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Mlim :  

Darling, if you post about a silly thing here you will get some – pretty gentle- joking at your expense. And the odd comment on your social ineptitude in this case. It is not ‘ cattiness’ (good lord where do you dig these archaic sexist descriptions up from). 

 You sound like you take yourself entirely too seriously. 

Eta I just realised you are the hair obsessive person . Honestly OP, you may need to think about some help for these tendencies. 

Post # 47
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It is odd to go to a place where the dishes are meant for sharing (Chinese, Tapas, etc) and then just do your own thing, not participate and get all defensive about it (especially taking some home after refusing to share!). Just an opinion.

I wouldn’t escalate this situation. 

Post # 48
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to go against the grain and say I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what OP did. She was invited out for a meal with a big group, but she’s on a diet so she found something on the menu that would fit into her diet plan (and yes, it is possible to have a few chicken wings when you’re on a diet, as long as you account for the calories). That means she wasn’t taking food from anyone else. So if everyone at the table took from her dish, but she didn’t take from anyone else, then she would have ended up with almost no dinner at all (after paying $20). Even if sharing food is the cultural norm, surely her family could understand if she explained why she wasn’t sharing that night?

Something similar happened with my family when we all went out to a Chinese restaurant a while back. We ordered a bunch of dishes to share family style, but my cousin has a host of food allergies/intolerances, so there was only one dish on the menu that was safe for her to eat. So she ordered that, thinking that would be her dinner, since she couldn’t have any of the other food. But then my dad grabbed her plate and started to pass it around, saying “We’re all sharing, it’s family style.” Everyone else jumped in and corrected him, reminding him that my cousin couldn’t share the other dishes and it would be a real dick move to give away her entire meal to other people.

OP was not in the wrong. Her family should have understood that she was on a limited diet and couldn’t participate in the sharing aspect of the meal. Assuming she was still being friendly and sociable, it’s not rude to eat the meal you ordered and nothing else. She wasn’t taking food from other people, so what’s the problem?

Post # 49
Member
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am vegan and have a severe food intolerance so I usually don’t go in for the shared meal experience unless I am 100% sure I can eat the majority of dishes. But I take the time to say “hey guys I am going to order on my own due to food intolerances/being vegan”. It takes just one minute to say something so no one thinks it’s weird. I started doing this mostly because of the “let’s just split the bill evenly” situations where I would end up paying for other’s expensive meat dishes and alcohol.

But if I have more than I can eat then you better believe I would be offering it around the table and not taking two bits of tofu and some rice home for my husband. That just seems so weird.

Also going to point out that in shared meal situations it can be very hard to see what everyone is eating (unless it’s that one person hogging the prawns etc). So your cousin may have thought you were partaking in everyone else’s dishes and hoarding your own.

Post # 51
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

A lot of us aren’t saying OP was wrong to not share, just that it’s a little weird to — no allergy or special dietary requirements, just wanting to count calories, which she could’ve also done if eating family style. What I think most people are saying (and which I agree on), is that it’s a bit too much to escalate the issue, and that the cousin isn’t in the wrong to feel miffed about it. 

Post # 52
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Why did I open this thread expecting to read about a moh sexting someone’s fi or something? 

Post # 53
Member
13022 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think people are taking the word “confront” to mean something aggressive. But if I knew someone had an issue with me, no matter if it seems petty, and was going around complaining, it’s not wrong to discuss it. 

OP’s family may commonly share, but she also said she ordered a meal in the typical way, which she implied they do on occasion as well. OP really did nothing wrong by not wanting to call attention to her food limitations and issues. That gets annoying too. People are being too critical. 

Post # 54
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

“I think I may be coming down with something. You probably don’t want to eat after me.”

Post # 55
Member
5767 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Send her a box of frozen chicken wings 😉

Post # 56
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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cypresstree85 :  Agree what everything you said.

OP, you were not wrong. I’m sure you ordered those chicken wings because it might have been the easiest thing to count calories with on the menu. I’m not on a diet, but my lifestyle requires me to count calories. I can always count the calories in chicken wings in my app, but other food that isn’t just “one thing” (like beef pepper steak in that gravy) is harder to monitor,  so I tend to avoid those when I’m going out. You said you didn’t share anyone else’s food, so there shouldn’t have been a problem. I also don’t like people talking behind my back because personally, I’m a more say it to your face or not at all person, so I’d have a big problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor. With that being said, I’d let it go because escalating it will seem even sillier. In the future make sure you explain your sich, so that no one is in a tizzy about you not sharing your wings. Especially if sharing is typical in your family culture. 

Post # 57
Member
13022 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
elderberry :  I looked at the hair threads. I think it’s less about obsessiveness and more about finding someone talented enough to execute. OP wasn’t imagining things or making it up. Both of those trials really did have some issues. 

Post # 58
Member
9352 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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weddingmaven :  

l don’t usually disagree with you, but l do this time . Still l’d better not derail any more. 

Post # 59
Hostess
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Wait- on what planet are chicken wings a “diet food”?!?! Are you serious? Instead of ordering a dish you could’ve shared with lots of veggies and chicken (an example) you ordered CHICKEN WINGS as a DIET FOOD?

ETA: there’s gotta me more to this story. 
ETTA: as someone who’s been on and off diets all my life I find it hilarious that chicken wings as a diet food even came up at all. Everyone all around here made a mistake. Get over it. Move on. 

Post # 60
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

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ladyvk :  She’s counting calories.  You can lose weight eating anything as long as you’re consuming less than you burn.  

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