Post # 1
First I have nobody to talk to. I don’t feel I can open up with my friends neither with my family, I just can’t.
So, here I am hoping that you will give me some “light”.
Fiance and I have been together for 7 years and engaged for 6 months. But lately my life has been like hell. He is super stressed out with work and I am trying to be understanding and supportive BUT I am feeling like a doormat or a dog that he can step on, kick or scream at whenever he feels like and I have to smile and say how wonderful he is all the time.
I am just sick of this. And when i complain about him being short and stuff all I get from him is: ” just don’t do anything for me”.
The “latest” episode was 2 days ago; He came all happy saying he was taking a ski trip with his brother for 4 days! No mention of me being invited, not invited, nothing.
I was happy that he would have some fun but at the same time I thought I am the one suffering with him everyday (and believe it is suffering!) and when he plans something fun (rare, rare event!) I am not even included!
Yesterday we had a very long talk ( I kept talking) because I think we need to communicate but every time I would tell him how I feel about the way he has been towards me and all his expectations (he wants a clean house, fresh warm meal every night, laundry done 2 times a week!) the only thing I would get from him was : it doesn’t matter.
So, all my thoughts now are: do i really want this for the rest of my life? Do I deserve to be treated like a maid?
He is a wonderful guy when he is in a good mood but, boy, it is unberable to be next to him when things are not perfect…
I need your advice. If I tell my family and friends all this I know what they will say: “leave him” but I honestly think they would be partial…
Post # 3
Honestly, based on the information you have presented here, he sounds very controlling and I am nervous for you. Someone that is that level of controlling (I expect a clean house, hot meal on the table, laundry done 2x/week) – well, I’ve seen people like that become abusive down the line and you are already expressing that you feel like a dog he can kick whenever he wants. Not good.
You need to do some serious soul-searching and figure out if this is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life. In my opinion, you can’t expect someone to change after you marry them – you should be ok with the person they are when you marry them and if you can’t deal with the other stuff, perhaps you need to postpone the wedding while you figure things out.
It’s also concerning that you feel your family and friends would tell you to leave him if you expressed doubt about your upcoming marriage. From my experience, friends and family sometimes get a sixth sense for things and if your friends and family would tell you to leave him, that tells me that they have their doubts about him too and may feel that you deserve better. This is a guy who tells you that how you feel doesn’t matter when you are trying to express yourself…frankly, I wouldn’t care if he is Prince Freakin’ Charming when things are perfect…someone who is supposed to love you would care about your feelings enough to listen, at the very least!
Love isn’t easy and life is even harder – if you only like him when things are “perfect” that’s going to be a problem because you are going to run into lots of difficult times during your life that you can’t control and if the person you marry isn’t loving and supportive during those times too, it’s going to make it very miserable for you and very difficult for your marriage to survive.
Post # 4
Is the work stress going to be ending soon, or is this your new life?
Post # 5
I think there are some fundamental differences in you expectations as a couple, and you should seiriosly consider putting your wedding on hold. This problems don’t fix themselves, instead they take communication and most likely counseling. If he isn’t willing then you can not be willing to stay in the relationship.