(Closed) Do I deserve to be friendless?? (LONG RANT)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I a crappy person doomed to have no friends???
    yea, you pretty much suck, you need to put effort into friendship : (1 votes)
    5 %
    no, that's not how life or friendship works. you're doing just fine : (20 votes)
    91 %
    other.. here's my view on the matter : (1 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think she is just stubborn. Unless you really don’t make an effort. I am in this situation right now…..And I am actually making an effort for the first time in 3 years today to go and see my friend. She basically told me that I wasn’t putting any effort into the friendship. I wasn’t really to be honest as I was going through a lot in the time she had made the move from our city to a city that is a ferry ride away.My friend would say the same thing “I am coming to the Island to see so and so, if you want to see me I will be so and so”. Kinda redicuous I think as then I don’t even wanna put the effort in if she cares to see me so much.

    BUT–the way I see it is that you don’t need to talk once a week, once a month, or even once a year to be friends. My very best friend and I touch base every few months and see eachother once and year and we are super close. It’s like we never missed a beat. We pick up where we left off and it’s all good.

    Good luck.

    Post # 4
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    To be honest, I am very bad at keeping in touch with friends. I don’t like talking on the phone and I see them about once every 3 months. We catch up, have a wonderful time, and then diseappear for about 3 months. I’m totally o.k with that.

    However, maybe she feels that she’s in a very vulnerable/important part of her life right now and needs extra support but that you haven’t been there for her. If that’s the case, perhaps she just needs a little extra attention right now. She could have caught the Bridezilla bug pre-maturely?

    Everyone expects different things out of a friend, but I am a little surprised at her reaction since it sounds like you guys have been friends for a long time. Have you discussed the issue with her? Brought up the points you brought up here?

    In the end, the question is if this relationship is worth it to you. Would you be willing to call her once a week to save the friendship?

    Post # 6
    Member
    807 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Sorry that you’re going through this 🙁 Losing a friend is always really crappy. I find it weird that she put it out there as an ultimatum, i.e., Since we don’t talk at least once a week, we’re no longer friends?! 

    I feel like EVERY friendship (particularly long-distance ones) goes through periods of time where you just don’t talk as much; it’s totally normal. And yes I’ve certainly had conversations with friends about doing a better job of staying in touch (and they’ve said the same to me)–but it’s never been accusatory, it’s always an I-really-miss-you-lets-try-to-fix-this kind of way!

    I did set up weekly-ish phone dates with a friend once but, it wasn’t because one of us was forcing the other into it, we mutually decided that was something we wanted to do.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    @Woodstock: It doesn’t sound like you’re the one being a bad friend; she is. Keep the friends you have who appreciate you. Unfortunately, there will always be those that drift away.

    If it were me, I’d just tell her you want to continue to be friends and that you feel like you’ve been a good one, but her expectations are ridiculous. If that’s what she really needs, then it’s probably not going to work out.

    Good luck! I know it hurts to lose a childhood friend over something so silly.

    Post # 8
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    She sounds exhausting. You’re doing nothing wrong. I second this: “I’d just tell her you want to continue to be friends and that you feel like you’ve been a good one, but her expectations are ridiculous. If that’s what she really needs, then it’s probably not going to work out.”

    Post # 9
    Member
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    maybe its a good thing, she sounds like she is already turning into a Bridzilla, this is only the begining.  I can not imagine talking to my 3 bridesmaids every week.  We talk on the phone at least once a month to catch up or will send a text, but life gets in the way and you can not expect somebody to talk to you once a week!! 

    The wedding process with her may be a nightmare maybe she did you a favor!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    When you are younger, your circle of friends is a huge part of life. As you get older other things make it hard to keep in constant contact like school, a job and/or family. I have a 5 year old son and 1 year old daughter and it makes it hard to see a lot of my friends. Sometimes I can go a month or two without talking to some of my friends but no one attacks me for it. We all get busy sometimes. Maybe your friend wants a little more support than you have time to give. Maybe she is so stressed with school that she needs someone to be there when she has free time just to keep her sane. I can see it from both views. She is probably just under a lot of stress and feels that once she takes a break, she doesn’t have anyone there to share that time with.

    The topic ‘Do I deserve to be friendless?? (LONG RANT)’ is closed to new replies.

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