- 5 months ago
I waffle between guilt and frustration pretty much everyday. I am currently working from home, only about 3 hours a week right now. Primarily I am a stay at home mom of two kids and one on the way due in March, and I have a chronic illness. My Darling Husband works very hard and works an hour overtime everyday from 6am to 330pm, and sometimes more. He works every Saturday as well.
This is where the guilt comes in. I know as the adult who isn’t really working I should take the brunt of the household responsibilities. And I do for the most part, but I’ve been sick my entire pregnancy with hyperemesis on top of my chronic disease that causes me daily pain. I get migraines 2-3 times a week that knock me out because I had to stop taking my meds during pregnancy. I just feel like I am failing at my “job.”
But then I get frustrated because I really am trying my best and I just can’t do it all because I’m so ill. I actually have to choose between taking a shower and chores like dishes or laundry or cleaning. I cannot do both, physically. So I have stopped showering everyday and only do it every other day so I can try to get more things done. My oldest child goes to school but I have a toddler who is still at home so of course taking care of her is added to the daily list.
Darling Husband takes care of outside tasks like mowing the grass, keeping the vehicles up to date on oil changes and inspections, etc. He will take great care of his truck and always gets it inspected and the oil changed on time but he lags behind with my vehicle. It is 4 months out of inspection and 3 months past the needed oil change. I hate that he procrastinates on my things and I worry about getting a ticket everytime I leave the house. He says I don’t drive my car as much as he drives his truck but I don’t see why that matters. I don’t not wash just his clothes and leave him hanging, so I dont know why he does this to me.
But in his mind everything inside apart from occasional handy man type stuff is my domain. Don’t get me wrong he will help. But it’s the fact that its “helping” instead of just being an equal adult and parent that is wearing me down. I’m expected to delegate everything and do all the emotional labor and it’s really taking its toll.
He doesn’t notice things that need to be done and won’t take the initiative. So I have to seek him out and ask him every time I need something done. Even with parenting, Our daughter’s bedtime is 8pm, every night. But If I’m resting or otherwise occupied he will not start getting her ready for bed even though he knows her bed time as well as I do. If I express my frustration he will say “Well, I didn’t know if you were ready to do that.” So I literally have to initiate everything that goes on in this house.
I’m in charge of keeping track of everyone’s appointments, hobbies, schedules, making sure everyone has clean underwear, meal planning, knowing who needs new socks or a new winter coat, rotating seasonal clothes in and out, noticing the toilets need to be cleaned and cleaning them, etc. And again he will “help” as long as I remind and nag him. But I’m tired of it. I understand that he works hard but I really feel like I do too. He never cooks a meal and refuses to learn so it’s always on me to figure out what we’re eating every night. He’ll clean up dinner if I ask.
I just can’t seem to keep up and the house is a wreck because I’ve been so sick. He falls asleep on the couch almost every day when he gets home. I get a nap maybe once a week in the evening if everything is relatively squared away and he’s actually awake so I can. He says he’s tired and doesn’t sleep well. So bees, am I expecting too much since he does work 6 days a week?