Do I get a gift? If so what

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Maybe your Fiance has ideas about what to get your Future Mother-In-Law. I honestly don’t feel like you have to give in-laws/parents gifts unless they’ve been extremely helpful or contributed to the wedding financially. Like I personally didn’t give my inlaws gifts for the wedding, though I told Darling Husband he could. He didn’t feel the need. I gifted my parents because they were both very helpful. If Mother-In-Law has been nasty to you I wouldn’t worry about it.

As far as FIL’s gf, she should wear whatever she wants. When it comes to mothers generally they pick out their own dress/color.

Post # 3
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I would say you don’t have to get her anything. But if you get the step-mother in law something it will just look bad. I didn’t get my Mother-In-Law anything because we don’t have a relationship and she didn’t really seem interested in our wedding/marriage anyway.

Post # 3
Member
41 posts
Newbee

double post

Post # 5
Member
12122 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I wouldn’t give her anything if she’s nasty to you.  Other gifts should be given privately. 

You can’t properly dictate the clothing of any guest other than some discretion with your own bridesmaids. That includes mothers and grandmothers, By The Way. It doesn’t matter that the FOTG’s Girlfriend is walking down the aisle. 

Post # 6
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I would give something especially if you give to others, since it may back to her.  It doesnt have to be big.  Like a nice frame of the two of you.  With that you are making an effort to “start” fresh, if she doesn’t appreciate or change her attitute towards you two I wouldn’t look back.  

ETA: having said the above, I didn’t realize it was common to give gifts to parents unless like a pp said, they paid for a big portion of the wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I think getting her a gift is a good idea.  It is usually better to err on the side of kindness when you have a choice. Deciding what to give her will depend on her tastes, but there are some rather impersonal ones that can still be nice: a box of fine chocolates, a vase, specialty coffees, or spa day certificates. If she is an entertains company, really pretty salt and pepper shakers, napkin rings, or a serving platter.  If she cooks, a good knife, new pot holders, or a specialty cooking pan.  If she is a movie buff, and you are in the USA, a subscription to movie pass dot com is a fun option.  Other random ideas: a monogrammed robe or towels, wind chimes, or a personalized yeti cup. I hope some of these ideas help, or at least help trigger an idea that would be a thoughtful gift.  Best wishes, bee!

Post # 8
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are presenting your gifts at the rehearsal dinner, it would be cruel not to give her something. The gift can be from the two of you, not you alone. You can also choose something more of a token, than you might choose for other family members.

It’s not the bride’s place to tell anyone outside the wedding party, how to dress.

Post # 9
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

What about just getting her and the grandparents corsages? You can give the Girlfriend a gift that’s more personal but do it privately, so it means more and you won’t upset anyone.

As for GF’s wardrobe, leave it to her. If she actually asks for your opinion, you could tell her maybe match FOTG’s tie.

Post # 10
Member
12122 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sorry for the unintentional capitals. 

Post # 11
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I would get her something similar to what you’re getting the others. Something that I was taught from a very early age is that no one can make you look bad you do that all on your own. If you don’t get her anything you will come across as the rude one

Post # 12
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We chose to give one gift to each and sign it from both of us.

Post # 13
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I think you shouldn’t get her anything. She doesn’t deserve anything.

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