(Closed) Do I give a gift or no?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

After all the time and money you’ve already spent, I wouldn’t go completely empty-handed but would buy a modest gift like a nice picture frame.

Post # 4
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think a nice card would be sufficient. I doubt your friend would be disappointed after all of your help!

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think it needs to be a lot, but something. Ideally when you agreed to be her DOC part of the conversation should have been that it was her wedding present. Its a little hard to go back now and tell her its her present.

You could do something that is more effort than money. Like a bottle of wine with a nice note to her and telling her to drink it on their one year anniversary.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think a card is totally sufficient and personally that’s all I would give her. I had a lot of guests only give me a shower present and skip the wedding present adn I honestly thought that was fine too. I mean, the madness has to end somewhere you know?

Post # 8
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

A card at least.  But did she ask you to do these things or did you just do them?  I mean you can’t be nice to people and then write it off as a gift…that’s a bit mean.

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with Atalanta

Post # 11
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

A nice card will mean a lot

Post # 12
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

It sounds like she’s had a tough time with the wedding and could use your support.  I’m guessing you’re reasonably close since she’s been relying on you when her BMs didn’t work out (which we don’t have the backstory to).  Maybe wait until the wedding is over and give her a gift a week later or something.  When you’re not exhausted with the wedding you might feel a little more generous.  Being the DOC is definitely a gift in itself, so I think something smaller would be appropriate, and hopefully appreciated by her!

Post # 13
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ms.oregon.state:

It sounds like you at one point offered to help and then the bride kinda just went with it.  maybe she didn’t realize how much you were doing for her…Maybe ask her about it.  If she asked you to be her DCO, then ask whether she would want that as a gift from you or to pay her.

a friend asked me to make her cake and that’s what I did and she said she’d rather pay me for the cake.

Post # 14
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I thnk you still should get her a gift.  Friends helping and advising friends is priceless. 

Post # 15
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had one Bridesmaid or Best Man not give me any kind of gift…her and her hubby did SO much to help us and I feel like we are going to owe them forever 😀  She bought me my all-time favorite shower gift!!  However, I would have really loved a card from them…I just thought it was a little weird.  I wasn’t angry or hurt, because I realize how much they did to help us, again…just thought it was a little strange.

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