Do I give him space or stay and fight for it?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Worst thing you can do is try to convince him how great y’all are.

 Best thing you can do is do YOU, discover you, spend time with you and other people, become more interesting to YOU; so if there is a chance for y’all to stay together it is because he falls for you again,  not because you convinced him he’s wrong (people don’t like being told their feelings or wants are wrong).  Once you find you again instead of focusing on ‘we’, you’ll be much more prepared if he doesn’t come back. 

Post # 18
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Home

This is probably bad advice but if I was in your situation I would probablty end up being like “oh Don’t want to be married? I guess that means we can see other people? You know what, good idea, I can get down with that” download tinder, by some hot new clothes and makeup, hit up the gym, and if he suddenly desides to change his mind tell him that I actually am not sure if I want him back. Sorry but um I have a date tonight, I guess I’ll let you know how it goes.

But I’m petty. Idk I would be pretty pissed, who does this guy think he is? Like why am I wasting my time with this fool. 

Post # 19
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Hmmm I’d still think someone was in the picture. someone who got his attention enough to make him question things. He may have no follow up but something has m otivated him to questions and look for a divorce rather than resolution. 

Sorry doesn’t help… this situation is sucky. 

Why wouldnt he want to try and fix it firet though, after 13 years?

Post # 20
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee

j_jaye :  Because situations like this are sparked by an interest in someone else. He may not be having an affair per se, but I guarantee he’s interested in someone.

 

Post # 21
Member
2217 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 I am glad to hear he is at least considering counseling and is taking some initiative to research providers. That said, if he decides he wants to separate, I don’t think there’s much you can do to stop him. I agree with the others that insisting he stay will likely backfire. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, I am sure it is devastating.

Post # 22
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I strongly disagree with the ‘advice’ to threaten him with seeing other people. 

I also strongly disagree with moving out and getting two different places that is a HUGELY bad idea. If you all need separate sleeping quarters for the time being, make it work in your current space or find a place with two bedrooms. 

You are MARRIED. You all need to go to counseling ASAP and get to the root of what is going on. 

Make sure you do your homework and get a GOOD counselor that is going to help both of you. 

If at the end of the day, it leads to divorce, the point is that it will LEAD there and will not be a dramatic, gut wrench, KNEE JERK (because that’s what this is) reaction. 

It’s NOT okay to give up on your partner like this without doing some work and homework first. 

I strongly encourage you all to get counseling ASAP. 

Good luck to you, Im so sorry this is happening. 

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