(Closed) Do I have a right to be angry?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be furious.  That is extremely disrespectful.  Just because he changes his mind about how he happens to feel about a trip, doesn’t mean he has the right to back out of a commitment he made to you and your family – especially during your first Christmas together as a married couple.  What kind of message does that send to your family?  Any objections he may have had should have been voiced weeks ago.  BEFORE you made plans to head out of the country (did I read that right?)  Are you going to lose money on tickets if he doesn’t go?

He owes you a huge apology, and a quick march upstairs to pack his bags with smile on his face. 

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Simply put-yes. Marriage needs to have compromise and communication, neither of which your Darling Husband is using.

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Yes.

Post # 6
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe his parents were more upset about it then he thought? Maybe he felt guilty. I don’t think him postponing one day is that big of a deal, when you grow up with a very small family and you are all each others got it is hard to leave them on Christmas…. But I don’t understand him canceling the whole trip all together,what is his reasoning to that? And what about his plane ticket?

Post # 7
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have every right to feel however you feel.  While the subject of relatives and holidays is ALWAYS a tough subject, this is something that NEEDS to be addressed.  The thing is, you two are married now, which means that you are your own family.  No matter where you spend Christmas or Thanksgiving or anything else, you should be spending it together.  I would absolutely be upset (angry, sad, etc) if my Fiance decided we wouldn’t be spending Christmas together after we were married, regardless of the reason.  To be perfectly honest, I think you two need to sit down and REALLY discuss future holidays, because once you have children you just can’t split up or spend the whole day in the car.  Perhaps you could invite his parents to join your family holidays from here on?  If there’s only the two of them, it wouldn’t be a huge imposition to whomever is hosting (obviously, check with them first) and they might really enjoy spending time with more family?

 

Post # 8
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@m3ssy: Yes. Yes you do. What were his reasons for cancelling? I don’t understand how your trip interferes with his Christmas with his family when Christmas has already passed. This is something you should discuss. Without getting mad, let him know how you feel.

Post # 9
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, I would be very angry about this. What reason did he give for canceling the trip? Have you emphasized to him how important this is to him? 

It sounds like you two need to have a really serious talk about family and holidays because otherwise this kind of thing will keep coming up.

Post # 10
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

wth. Umm yea, plans are made. If flights are involved, they are practically impossible to change this last minute and not have to sell your first born to pay for it.  I’d be pissed with the wishy washiness.

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

a) You have a right to have any feeling– you’re angry. 

b) I don’t think anyone gets anywhere having a big blow-up argument, so when you get back from your trip to visit your family, sit him down and tell him why you were frustrated and that it hurt you that he wouldn’t come visit your family.  The most you can do is tell him how it made you feel and hope that he realizes he can make a compromise to make you less upset. 

Regardless of planning and going-with-the-flow lifestyle differences, I think it’s plain rude that he wouldn’t spend the holidays with your family.

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Of course you have a right to feel angry. You can feel any which way you please. But also, I would be angry too.

I don’t understand how your trip is interfering with his family time since they live so close to you. He can have family time any random Wednesday and you can’t. I would definitely discuss this.

Post # 13
Member
972 posts
Busy bee

Yes. However, I don’t think the fact that you see his parents for dinner once a week has much bearing on the situation. I think the problem is that he is backing out of a big commitment that he made to you and your family. He needs to be a man of his word, and not change plans like that just because he doesn’t feel like going! It’s definitely a sign of disrespect for you, your family, and your feelings, IMO. But I don’t think the fact that you see his parents MORE has a bearing on this situation, since its not his fault his parents live closer – maybe he would be willing to eat dinner with your parents just as often if it was equally convenient. I can see this quickly spiraling into a “you see your parents X times, so you also need to see mine X times”, where it should be a conversation about honoring commitments.

Post # 15
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yes!

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