(Closed) Do i have a right to be upseat? what do i do?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do i have the right to be hurt?
    yes : (56 votes)
    81 %
    no : (13 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee

    yeah thats wrong… You should be involved. I mean, you will be family! If they don’t see it that way there is something seriously not right :/

    Post # 5
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Totally agree.  You should be invited.  You are family, family is not only blood.   My brother passed away last year and his wife, my ex-sister-in-law is part of my “blood only” wedding party.  

    I’m sorry that you have to feel hurt and they are sh**ts.  Its not you.   They have no manners.  In-laws are going to be like that.

    Post # 6
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t know what to tell you to do! That’s really weird. I think the only thing I can think of would be to ask your Fiance to bring it up to them how much it hurts you. And I personally might be inclined to revoke their wedding invites, but obviously that’s not really an option. I can just be bitter, and definitely would be in your shoes.

    I can’t imagine it has to do with your FMIL’s sister’s soon-to-be stepkids. If THEY’RE invited to the b-day dinner, then sure, I’d blow a gasket, but if not, I’d say there’s no way they really care THAT much about them to do this to you as a result.

    Very strange, and I’m sorry you have to deal with this so close to your wedding.

    Post # 7
    2788 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Wow, your future grandmom-in-law sounds like my own grandmom…that is not a compliment.  For the longest time she wouldn’t even say hello to my Fiance (even though he looked her in the face and said hello!) – of course I would always say “Um, Grandmom, Fiance just said Hi to you?”. 

    If your Fiance can stomach it – he should call grandmom out and simply say “If she’s not comming, neither am I, she’s going to be my wife. And the last I heard, we don’t marry our ‘blood relatives’.

    Post # 9
    7408 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    They are rude. 

    Post # 10
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Honestly, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.  You aren’t married yet so you aren’t actually family.  Since your Fiance is the first cousin that is getting married it may be that the grandparents want to have one last family dinner before the family grows.  It’s one dinner, it’s not like they disinvited you to Christmas.  Not letting your Fiance go is just going to make things more strained.

    Post # 13
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Sometimes families are just different.  My husbands parents treated me like a part of the family long before my parents did the same for him.  I know you are frustrated and feeling a bit left out, and it’s OK to express that to your Fiance.. but I wouldn’t push it.  I would just let it be, let him go, and move on, it’s not worth starting a family battle over.

    Post # 14
    624 posts
    Busy bee

    Families are different.  They each have their own definition of what family is and sometimes you just have to deal with it.  I think you have a right to be hurt- your feelings are your feelings. 

    A little before we got married DH’s grandmother wanted family pictures.  Then Mother-In-Law demanded that it be “family only-Pendola is not included.”  I was a little annoyed at it because just because I’m not family to Mother-In-Law doesn’t mean I’m not family to others.  Mother-In-Law actually told me that I will not be family until some random date she threw out after the wedding. 

    I will say that if Fiance goes and other SO’s somehow show up and the grandparents don’t throw a fit, then I think Fiance should leave. 

    The topic ‘Do i have a right to be upseat? what do i do?’ is closed to new replies.

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