- 8 years ago
I was the Maid/Matron of Honor at a friend’s wedding in July 2005. Her and I were pretty good friends at the time (we went to high school & university together) although I would not have considered her my best (non-related) friend, although I know that she did consider me hers. I was the only non-family member in her wedding party, and the only one no longer a teenanger. To put it in perspective, although she’s not ‘anti-social’, she choose to surround herself with family more than friends than others do, which is fine of course. At her bachleorette party, the only people on her guest-list besides me were three female relatives (her mom, aunt, & a cousin’s wife). These things aside, I was honored to stand up for her (it was my first wedding in the bridal party) and it was a lovely event.
My husband and I got engaged in the summer of 2007. I have two sisters and a very close female cousin. I asked the three of them to be my bridesmaids, which had been my plan throughout my life. I had not spoken to my friend since much earlier that year (February). We were, by this time, not as close as we used to be and only spoke/met up about once a year. Once I became engaged, I told her about my engagement like I did with the rest of my friends. She congratulated me and asked about the details I had decided on so far. I told her about my bridesmaids & the approximate date, which was all I had planned at the time as it was very soon after the engagement.
The summer of 2008 began. My wedding was that June. We had not spoke since that last summer (neither of us had tried to contact the other). I had sent her my wedding invitiation and her and her husband RSVP’ed that they would be attending. She had also told my sister (my MOH) that she would be attending my shower (to be held in May) but could not attend the stagette (held on a different weekend in May).
The day of my wedding shower came. She did not show up. She did not call my sister or me before or after to offer an explanation. I can honestly say I was not overly concerned at the time with her not showing up (there were so many other friends & relatives there already).
My wedding day came. Her and her husband were not at the church. I noticed but was not overly concerned as the ceremony & reception were 2.5 hours apart so perhaps they could not make it to both halves of the event. I did notice and was more concerned when their reserved seats at the reception remained empty the entire evening. They never showed up.
Three days passed (wedding, gift opening, and a day of wind-down for me) and she still hadn’t called me to offer an explanantion on where she was. I decided to put my mind at rest, and to make sure she was okay, and called her. She answered and explained that the new house that her husband and her were building in the country had been hit by a wind storm and that they had to spend the day cleaning up & rebuilding. When I asked her why she hadn’t called, she said that she didn’t want to call me and distrub me on my wedding day. I guess this was a reasonable explaination but it still didn’t explain to me why I hadn’t heard from her SINCE the wedding day and I had to be the one to call her). I told her that I was disappointed/sad to have not seen her there. She said that she wished she could have been there and that we should come visit them sometime once their new house was built (no date/time suggested).
In the next week, we received in the mail their gift, a card with a gift card enclosed. She addressed it to the wrong surname (she had met my husband before and received the invitation but for some reason she thought that his last name what was actually his middle name – maybe our invitation was confusing? It was pretty standard of a layout). I sent them a thank-you card, as I did for all those who came or sent gifts.
At that time I decided that, to me, we were not good enough friends to continue trying to stay in contact with (at all). I had decided that, if she decided to contact me or want to ge together, I would do so but I would not contact her. Last December, I found out via Facebook that she had given birth to her first baby (I did not know she was pregnant). She contacted a few weeks ago (the first time since my wedding), which was a result of her finding out that I was pregnant (also via Facebook). Her, I, and her 9-month old got together for dinner. We mainly discussed babies. Neither her nor I brought up the events surrounding my wedding. At the end of the dinner she said how nice it was to have seen me and how it must have been years and that we should see each other again before more than another year and a half had passed.
That was a long story but here’s my shorter questions… Is it wrong of me to no longer value her friendship and to no longer be ‘trying’ at this relationship? Or should I have explained to her why I’m upset? I know that grudges are not healthy but does it make sense why I have one and can’t seem to let it go?