- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2016
Fiance has aunt with free standby travel benefits. Since we’ve been dating, they’ve gone to belgium, ireland, belize, amsterdam, and norway. During this same amount of time, I have flown..nowhere. It’s not like he is working hard and I’m just not pulling my weight either. He has been staying in my moms house (she doesnt live here-its like we are temporarily house sitting before we move into our own place) rent free for the past 2 years. I cant and dont necessarily blame him for taking advantage of either of these situations, but I have felt like he just does whatever is free and convenient for himself at times.
I can’t help but feel left out. Last year, he went to Amsterdam and concealed the fact that he had experimented with certain things that are legal in Amsterdam. I would have rather heard it from him, but I heard it from his sister. We had a little skirmish about that. The following year, he apparently felt that the more vague he was with his travel plans the better. I did not find out until Christmas day that he was indeed taking an international trip-and leaving the next day.
These trips are always between Christmas and New Years, which makes me feel lonely. You could argue that I can just go on my own trip, but we are saving for a wedding and I am saving money to start Pharmacy school in the fall. I certainly have my share of fun, usually with him, but I dont think its smart to try to match him in travels. I would just like to be included. Its especially hard for me around the holidays-usually right when the excitement of christmas ends, my family leaves, etc.
There have been three trips, three years in a row, and in my mind I am imagining and fearing that this will be what our marriage is like. Every year during the holidays, my fiance takes an international trip somewhere while I am at home…studyiing pharmacy for the next 4 years. He has said he wont take these trips, but every year when it comes around he wants to, asks me about it, and ultimately decides to go regardless of what I’ve said– And I dont think I should have to, nor do I want to–TELL HIM what to do….
My friends and family see it as evidence that I/my opinions are not a priority to him, and they point out that they would want to share these experiences also and would similarly feel left out. His family makes snide comments about my feelings towards the whole thing.
Settle the score for me bees. How “should I” feel about this? How would you feel?