Post # 1
Quick question – I was invited to a friend’s shower next month. I will be attending her wedding and she will be invited to my wedding. Although, I do not plan on sending her an invite to my shower. She is a friend, but not a close one.
Anyway, I really don’t want to attend her shower. I would hardly know anyone there, PLUS this shower will be huge – over 150 people – i’m not joking!! I’m wondering if she would really open that many presents…that would take hours LOL.
My question is, do I need to give her a gift if i’m not attending? Again, she’s not invited to my shower and I do plan on going to her wedding and giving her a gift there. Please help, i’m not sure how to handle this! Most people say I don’t have to, but i wanted more opinions 🙂
Post # 4
Maybe I’m off base, but I personally would send my regrets along with a gift.
Post # 5
I don’t think I would send a shower gift if I wasn’t attending the shower and I was planning on bringing a gift to the wedding.
Post # 6
If I was planning on bringing a gift with me to the wedding, I would not send a shower gift unless the bride was close to me, which is not the case here.
Post # 8
I personally think it would be rude to not send a gift. That said, I think it’s fine to just send something small.
Post # 9
I think you’re totally fine not sending a gift. And honestly if her shower is going to be the size of a fairly larger wedding, it sounds a little gift grabby. Based on your description of your relationship, perhaps she shouldn’t have invited you to the shower.
If you felt close to her and couldn’t make it because of some other event/sickness/ etc., I’d say, sure send something. But not in this case.
Post # 10
Don’t send a gift. I think in real life very very very few people are actually ‘gift grabby’ so she will probably be mortified to know someone who doesn’t want to feels obligated to send a gift – I know I would be. I doubt very much that she will be offended at no shower gift. There are all sorts of circumstances that might conspire for her to have such a large shower, give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t feel obligated.
Post # 11
Her wedding is around 400 people. Both families are VERY Italian and celebrate in a large way! She is registered for fine china and 2 everyday dinnerware sets with 16 sets a piece! That would be 32 sets of everyday dishes so i’m guessing this is pretty common with her family’s tradition.
Thanks for the suggestions!
Post # 12
Maybe you could send her a nice card and give your apologies but say you’re sorry you can’t make it and you look forward to seeing her at her wedding.
She can’t be offended at that, and will have 149 other people to entertain her. If I was her I’d think it was very kind of you instead of just a “no, sorry” or a no show
Post # 13
You don’t need to send a gift. You might consider sending a small giftcard with a card just to feel like you are covering your bases (i.e. if this friend is prone to drama).