(Closed) do i have to?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009


Post # 4
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Maybe I’m off base, but I personally would send my regrets along with a gift.

Post # 5
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think I would send a shower gift if I wasn’t attending the shower and I was planning on bringing a gift to the wedding.

Post # 6
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If I was planning on bringing a gift with me to the wedding, I would not send a shower gift unless the bride was close to me, which is not the case here.

Post # 7
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wouldnt send a gift.

Post # 8
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I personally think it would be rude to not send a gift. That said, I think it’s fine to just send something small.

Post # 9
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re totally fine not sending a gift.  And honestly if her shower is going to be the size of a fairly larger wedding, it sounds a little gift grabby.  Based on your description of your relationship, perhaps she shouldn’t have invited you to the shower.

If you felt close to her and couldn’t make it because of some other event/sickness/ etc., I’d say, sure send something.  But not in this case.

Post # 10
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t send a gift.  I think in real life very very very few people are actually ‘gift grabby’ so she will probably be mortified to know someone who doesn’t want to feels obligated to send a gift – I know I would be.  I doubt very much that she will be offended at no shower gift.  There are all sorts of circumstances that might conspire for her to have such a large shower, give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t feel obligated.

Post # 12
365 posts
Helper bee

Maybe you could send her a nice card and give your apologies but say you’re sorry you can’t make it and you look forward to seeing her at her wedding.


She can’t be offended at that, and will have 149 other people to entertain her.  If I was her I’d think it was very kind of you instead of just a “no, sorry” or a no show

Post # 13
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You don’t need to send a gift. You might consider sending a small giftcard with a card just to feel like you are covering your bases (i.e. if this friend is prone to drama).

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