(Closed) Do I Have To Be A BITCH?!?!?!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@MrsBeck:  This. People sometimes express bitterness that H and I have a really happy relationship and that we got married and we weren’t even looking to get married when we met so that pisses people off even more, but it’s like they conveniently forget that we both struggle with depression, PTSD and other health issues. I seriously question that people would want what we have, the good AND the bad.

 

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@2ndbest:  So I know this was a vent post but having a very FML attitude about things sets people up for disappointment in my opinion. You have to accept that not everything in your life will go exactly as you expect or plan for it to go.

Please, please, please do not treat your SO like garbage just because you think that’s what it takes to keep someone in your life. The people who I’ve known to do that and are much older than me do not seem happy at all and why bring all that negative energy into your life and someone else’s life anyway? You get what you give. Try not to worry about what’s going on in other people’s lives and focus on your own.

Post # 18
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Fluffmallow:  My dad and Father-In-Law married women who treated them terribly and it just made them resent them so much to the point that Father-In-Law wished death on Mother-In-Law and my dad can’t even look at my mom without getting very angry. I know that Father-In-Law married Mother-In-Law because he thought that he could fix her and make her happy.

So men do actually marry women like this but it’s not sustainable at all.

Post # 19
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I understand being upset and needing to vent, but I hope that is the only reason you are name-calling like this. Have you actually sat your SO down and calmly talked to him about your future or a timeline? 

Post # 20
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

To be perfectly honest, I kind of get what you’re saying.  I’m not sure it was said in the best way, but I understand your frustration.  I have been told myself multiple times that I should be more of a bitch to get a man to stick around.  There are even books out there with titles like “Why Men Marry Bitches” and all of that.  Sometimes I feel that I am too nice and it isn’t benefitting me in the long run.  I need to be more assertive and “bitchy” and then the man will do whatever I want.  I don’t know how accurate that is, but I’ve actually heard it quite a lot.

Regardless, it sounds to me like you have a wonderful man.  Maybe you need to have some conversations about taking the relationship to the next level and what your SO sees for your future together.

Post # 21
Member
11518 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@2ndbest:  I know how you feel.  FH and I have been together for 9 years, 8.5 before we were engaged (we were 21/22 when we started dating and life got in the way of getting married a lot).  I have watched friends date, get married and have babies in less time than FH and I have been together.  I’ve also seen people date, marry and divorce in less time.  It’s frustrating for sure, totally understand where you’re coming from.  You’ll have your day and all those people will be happy for you too.  One of my BF’s allowed me to vent to her when I was secretly upset when people would get engaged, you’re happy but at the same time you’re sad which makes you feel bad.

Post # 22
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

You seem to have some serious pent up anger issues. I say this in all seriousness and not to be snarky–have you considered speaking to someone about this? It seems there are some issues in your past, epsecially with your father, that are still causing you a lot of rage.

 

 

“..show him nothing is good enough n than i get a big ass ring and a happily ever after?!”

 

Marriage isn’t about getting a ‘big ass ring’ because all of your friends are getting one. It’s committing yourself to another person, through thick and thin. You said you want someone to take care of you and you want a ‘happily ever after’. Marriage isn’t that–it’s about hard work, compromise and supporting and loving each other through the rough and the good times. Are you prepared to have that with your current partner? Or do you want to get married to have a fairy tale wedding, a rock on your fingers and bragging rights among your friends?

 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

…. I don’t even know what to say about this.

I might try not to be so foul mouthed and bitter.

Post # 24
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

@2ndbest:  You need to peek over at the waiting board IMO….Some of us have bad waiting days but being this ANGRY just isn’t healthy!! 

Post # 25
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ummm woah. I get that you are upset that everyone around you is getting married except for you. I was that girl; I waited 7 years for a proposal. But to call everyone a bitch and a whore just because YOU are not married yet? Sounds pretty childish of you and not like someone who is ready to be married.

How long have the two of you been together, and how old are you?

Post # 26
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

“do i have to be a bitch ignore him treat him like shit and show him nothing is good enough n than i get a big ass ring and a happily ever after?!”

Try that out, and let us know how it goes!

Post # 28
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

CLAM DOWN GIRL! we’ve all been there

Post # 29
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I remember when I hit about 30…I’d been in a relationship for 5 years.  He still lived at home, I had been living on my own the whole time we’d been together.  All our mutual friends were getting married…I then went and spent 3 months with my mother back in Australia.  3 months of nagging about why me and the Boyfriend or Best Friend weren’t getting married…I let it get to me.

Came back, told Boyfriend or Best Friend as it was a leap year I was proposing to him.  He agrees, but doesn’t tell his family we are engaged until a year later…because he doesn’t really want to marry.  We marry 6 months later…total disaster.  I never feel secure, feel like I forced him into it.  He was a crap husband.  I eventually leave at age 40.

Anyway…don’t be in such a rush.  Try and enjoy the now.  Don’t rush yourself into marriage just because your friends are doing it.   Honestly, I regret letting ‘keeping up with the Jones’ get to me so much.  I ended up wasting 15 years.

Post # 30
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

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@megz06:  I agree.

You’re making all of thes assumptions about other people’s relationships. How do you know that they got what they have effortlessly? It didn’t just fall into their laps, even if that’s what it seems like. 

I know you’re venting here, but try to calm down about this. The fact that you’re this worked up about all of this isn’t good, so talk to your boyfriend soon about what you and he would like for the future, if getting married is the next step, and, if it isn’t the next step, what needs to be done before that happens. 

Post # 31
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

…Umm. Is this your attitude all the time? If it is, that might have something to do with it.

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