Post # 1
I’m planning on getting married within the next year or two. (no date set yet, so no huge plans have been made.) I’m the youngest of 3 girls, and I will be the first of us to marry. I’m VERY close with my middle sister, and not close with my oldest sister. I’ve always known I wanted my middle sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. However, my oldest sister and I have many personal issues that interfere with the possibility of a close relationship. She has many issues with most members of the family, also. She is very immature and narcissistic (for example, at my cousins wedding, the first thing she said to the bride was not “congratulations” but “guess what? I have a boyfriend now”), she has even physically assaulted me in the past. While we have found some calmer ground since those events, and I plan to invite her to my wedding, I DO NOT want her IN my wedding party. Having her in the bridal party would cause me an immense amount of discomfort and stress. I also do not plan to have a large wedding party; I only want my middle sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and my childhood best friend as a bridesmaid, as I plan to have a small wedding (roughly 50 total attendees, including bridal party). My FH also plans to have only a best man and one other groomsman.
How do I tell her that, while she is welcome at my wedding, I won’t be inviting her to be in the bridal party? Is there any way to let her down easy, or to avoid drama in this situation? Let me be clear, I do not know if she expects to be in the wedding party, but I still need to tell her she will not be. Any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Post # 2
No one is entitled to a spot in your bridal party, even family. However, I wouldn’t have a conversation telling her she’s not a bridesmaid. Conversations that start “I didn’t pick you for this because…” never go well. She’ll get the hint when she’s never asked to buy a bridesmaids dress. Hopefully, as an adult she will just let it go and not bring it up and happily attend as a guest.
Post # 3
No you don’t have to have her in your party but if she does mention anything about it, just be honest with her.
Post # 4
Nope you do not need to include her even if you ask your other sister. If she asks you say “sorry but I wanted a small bridal party” if she pushes it you say “well let’s be honest sis, we don’t exactly get along”.
Post # 5
Nope, I would draw the line at physical assault when choosing my Bridal Party if I were you.
Post # 6
She doesn’t need to be in your wedding party, although I wouldn’t go out of your way to tell her that. She will probably get the hint when she is never asked, or through another family member like your other sister or mom, honestly. If she does come right out and ask you, be honest and say there are other people you are closer to that you want standing up with you on that day. Actions have consequences, its just difficult to tell people that sometimes.
Post # 7
Before I read the details I was prepared to say to suck it up and have her as a bridesmaid because in most cases I think it is better to have all sisters or no sisters as bridesmaids (another exception would be if you have a whole bunch of sisters, for example). Like you, I am the youngest of 3 girls (if you don’t count my younger step-siblings), and I am much closer to my middle sister. If I felt like I could just have my middle sister and not my oldest sister in the wedding, I would. But that wouldn’t fly because my oldest sister isn’t horrible, we’re just not close. So I chose to have neither sister as a bridesmaid, but I am asking both of them to do readings. In your case, given the history, I think it’s fine to just have the middle sister in the wedding, and don’t even mention it to the oldest unless or until she asks, then just say that you’re keeping it small.
Post # 8
There’s no law that says you have to have anyone in your family, especially certain members that you don’t get along with, in your wedding party. It’s your job as the bride or groom to have a good time and enjoy the best day of your life with people who love and support you, not put up with drama from people who hurt you and piss you off. It’s your wedding and if anybody doesn’t like it they don’t have to be there.
Post # 9
I have been in two weddings where only one of two sisters was in the bridal party
in the first case, the older sister was estranged and, though invited to attend, was a no show on the day (relationship has since been mended)
in the second, older sister refused to be apart of the wedding party because she didnt “want to walk in a ceremony with a man who wasn’t her husband” – she’s a born again christian
I do not plan on having my sister in my wedding party because until about a year ago, she was my little brother, so I spent my life building sisterly relationships with my friends, only to suddenly have a sister at 25… I love her and would do anything for her but she completely understands and actually says she’d be uncomfortable in a Bridesmaid or Best Man role
in short: families are weird, it’s your wedding, do what you want.
Post # 11
“In the second, older sister refused to be apart of the wedding party because she didnt want to ‘walk in a ceremony with a man who wasn’t her husband’” – she’s a born again christian”
I’m also a born again christian, but that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard in my life! lol
Post # 12
you don’t. you simply pick your bridal party and thats it. you don’t need to explain to her why she wasn’t picked. if the awkward conversation starts by her asking why she wasn’t in the bridal party, you can simply just say that you wanted to keep your bridal party small. thats it. not that you owe anyone an explanation but just incase she asks, thats what you can say.
Post # 13
Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything to her about it. It’s considered quite rude to sit someone down and explain why you haven’t asked them to be a bridesmaid. Instead, just keep silent on the matter and she’ll figure it out on her own. If she asks why she isn’t a bridesmaid (which would be rude of her as, like other PPs have said, no one is owed a spot in the bridal party), I’d just say that you wanted to keep the party small.
Post # 14
this might be pretty easy because of the small wedding size. Just say that the wedding is small, and you+Fi are only choosing 1 MOh/BM each to stand by their sides. If you were having a bigger bridal party and didn’t want her to take part, things would be awkward. In this case I think it’s actually a pretty simple situation (not emotionally, anyways, haha). Also, agreed with the PP– dont do this unless she asks why she hasn’t been included.
Post # 15
yeah I thought it was kind of dumb too, but that was the reason she gave for not being in the wedding. (She was asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor too)