Post # 1
To start off, I’m not yet engaged. SO and I have been dating over 4 years, living together for over 3, and are about to make a big move to another city together. We’ve discussed marriage and I believe we are on the same page. I’m waiting for a proposal but based on our discussions, I expect it to happen soon.
Our dating anniversary is May 28, and for several years we’ve talked about how we love that date as an anniversary, love that time of year, and I even have this silly thing where I screen shot the time 05:28 because I randomly look at the clock on my phone at exactly that time ALL the time. Assuming SO actually puts a ring on it soon enough, (anxious waiting bee here!) we’ve talked about getting married on 5/28/16 and how perfect it’d be since it’s a Saturday (and we’d have to wait several years for it to happen again, probably not worth it to wait that long just for a date..)
Here’s my concern though. Another couple we know is getting married on 5/28/16. We’re not even friends with them, really, so i wouldn’t be too concerned with overlapping guest lists or anything. However, my Future Sister-In-Law and her boyfriend are good friends with this couple, and I’m guessing she will probably be asked to be a bridesmaid.
While I know I can’t hog an entire day from any other bride, I feel sort of ripped off having to change my dream wedding date (again, assuming I get engaged soon enough to plan it for then) because of another couple I barely even know, especially since SO and I shared this anniversary first. Would keeping mine on 5/28/16 also be incredibly disrespectful to Future Sister-In-Law by putting her in the middle?? It’d be her own little brother’s wedding, but I also want to be reasonable and courteous of other people in my planning.
Am I being a total brat for wanting to keep my dream wedding date??
Post # 2
You’re not being a brat but it would put Future Sister-In-Law and her boyfriend in a sticky situation. I’d try to think of a way to compromise… Can you gt married 5/28/17? Can you plan your bridal shower or other wedding event that date instead? Get married on your half-year date (11/28/16)? etc…
Post # 3
I think you’re fine keeping it, but I also wouldn’t worry too much about it at the moment since you’re not planning a wedding at the moment! But no, I wouldn’t give up my date for what is essentially a friend of a friend.
Post # 4
Keep the date, who cares. Lots of people will be getting married on every Saturday May- October. The over lap insignificant. Future Sister-In-Law will have to miss her friends wedding, but that stuff happens.
Post # 5
I’d keep my date. Tell Future Sister-In-Law that whichever wedding she goes to is fine by you – – and mean it. This takes the pressure off of her and will lead to a better relationship down the line. If you force her to choose your wedding, you will lose. I wouldn’t wait or change the date. I’d keep it as is.
Post # 6
What does your SO think? Would he be okay with potentially not having his sister there if she commits to the other wedding first and doesn’t wanna back out? Given its less than a year away I imagine if she is being askEd to be a bridesmaid, it would be soon. And if she accepts it would be hard on her to back out of it when receiving an invitation to your wedding, even if it is her brothers. It will put his sister in a bad position. I would talk to your SO and Future Sister-In-Law. give her a heads up so she can make the decision if/when she’s asked to be a bridesmaid in the other wedding.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
If your Future Sister-In-Law does get asked to be a bridesmaid in that other wedding and accepts, you would be putting her in a position where she’d have to back out on that bride, potentially damaging that friendship.
I know you guys aren’t officially engaged, but if you are certain you want to get married in that specific date, maybe give her a heads up and she can avoid that potential awkward situation.
Post # 8
You could always elope and get officially married on that date and have a wedding later in the year/ the following year? 28th May 2017 is a Sunday so it’s still a day off for everyone even if its not the Saturday you hoped for?
Post # 9
I am actually going to go against the grain here – I think it’s kind of a jerky move. You know she has the wedding of a friend who she’s so close to that she’s going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You are essentially asking her to pick between her brother and her friend and I think thats a not so nice place to put her in. There are plenty of other Saturday’s in May – sure, it won’t be your exact date, but why not do the weekend before/after? It truly won’t matter.
How does your SO feel about this? If my DH had wanted a wedding date where my sister already had previously plans, I would have said absolutely not.
I just think this is a bad idea all around – you are going to make someone upset (FI or FSIL) and that’s a bad way to start the marriage.
Post # 11
twodancinft: CookieLady: MrsBuesleBee: Kelani23: betterdigtwo:
Thank you for your responses! I am personally ok if Future Sister-In-Law chose to attend her friends wedding, although I would love for her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in mine if she chose to come to ours. However, since she and SO are close, and their whole family is close, I think she would want to be there for her little brother, and I’m sure he would like her to be there too.
I’d feel silly bringing it up as a potential problem to him right now though because 1. we’re not engaged yet and 2. I only found out the other couple’s wedding date by casual snooping on social media. We’re not close enough with the other couple that I even found out directly through them. Also I don’t know if/that Future Sister-In-Law will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in their wedding, but I’m assuming because they are close couple friends with them and have traveled together a lot.
Do you guys think I should bring up the potential problem to SO now or wait until we are actually planning a wedding?
Post # 12
I only found out the other couple’s wedding date through casual snooping on social media, (ended up at the other girl’s instagram where she said the date in her bio). Would it be weird at all to preemptively bring this up to Future Sister-In-Law and essentially tell her I’ve connected all these dots that I technically shouldn’t even know about? Lol or maybe I’m waaaay over thinking this.
p.s. I like your username 🙂 My cat’s name is Minnie Meows because I love disney
Post # 13
I think you should definitely wait. I know you two are close, and will get married, but talking about weddings to guys too soon isn’t always the best choice. You may change your mind too, as things progress once getting engaged. I know you are dead set on that day now, but things may change as you start to plan more.
Post # 14
lol I think SO’s mom would drop dead if we eloped and she didn’t get to see her baby get married.
Post # 15
Thanks for your response. I, myself, wouldn’t be upset if Future Sister-In-Law chose her friend’s wedding over ours, although I’d love for her to stand as a Bridesmaid or Best Man in mine. I honestly don’t know though if she’d choose that one, or choose her brother’s and mine out of feeling obligated or just not wanting to miss it. I’d love that date, but I don’t want to put unreasonable pressure on her when I do know about the other wedding date already (even thoufh I learned it by casually snooping on social media..Lol). I haven’t brought it up to SO yet either because I feel silly doing this in-depth fictional wedding planning when I’m still waiting for a proposal