Post # 16
Although the Groom shouldn’t insist on this, he’s right. I’ve just been in this situation, but as the Sister in law. I was lied to 6 months before the wedding and told that the Grooms’ sister and I were backup bridesmaids (she was pregnant). I found out week before wedding that this wasn’t the case and she was always a bridesmaid and I was lied to, and was the ONLY one in the family not in the wedding. They used the cop out that I was supposed to take care of my son, who was the ringbearer. It’s my job as his mother to take care of him. That does not make me part of the wedding. She didn’t feel the need to give me a thank you gift, which reads I was not part of the wedding. I don’t care about that, I care about being lied to and left out. All that being said, this will never be something she can fix, or go back and change, it’s always going to be the elephant in the room, and I think she knows that because she keeps trying to thank me for all I did for the wedding. I DID NOTHING and all she is doing by thanking me is insulting me. IF you want animosity like this and awkwardness, then I’d say go with how you feel, but if you want good family relationships with everyone including the sister in law….I assume the groom wants to do things with his brother, then I’d include her. Trust me, it really sucks to be the only one left out. Turn it around and try to imagine how you would feel if it were you being left out.
Post # 17
Let me ask it this way: Why dont you want her in the wedding party? I dont think there is a huge difference between 6 and 7 bridesmaids. Is it because you are worried she doesnt want to spend the money to be a bridemaid (let her make that decision), she wont get along with the other girls or participte in pre-parties (not required), or just because you dont want to buy an extra set of flowers/rehersal dinner (its not that much in the grand scheme of things)?
Including in-laws in the wedding party is a very nice gesture (sure you dont have to, but remember this is family and you will continue seeing them year after year. Also, whether you want to hear it or not, friends come and go. People move, and I know so many brides who barely talk to some of their friends whose wedding parties were 5 years ago). In your case, your bridal party is fairly big, so there is no reason not to include her. If you were having a small destination wedding with 2 bridesmaids and they were both sisters, I think it would be less hurful to leave her out. Me and my sister in law arent that close, but she was very happy I included her in the big day. To be honest she didnt do anything in my pre-wedding parties (didnt show up to the shower or bachelorette as she was Out of Town, and really didnt offer assitance throughout the process, but she showed up to the wedding and rehersal with a smile on her face and partipated in what most people feel is “required” for a bridesmaid in a wedding). If she can do that, I just dont understad why you want to leave her out. I think she may take it quite personally, and this feels like its creating uncessary drama.
That being said, “He isn’t having my sister’s husband in his party”…why?, To me if one or some of them are in, they all are in. I think its a bad idea to include some in-laws and not others.
Post # 18
Well, firstly the groom does not get to choose his bride’s attendants , nor she his. That said, you have so many bridesmaids already that it’s prob a good idea to have her if she’s nice and it might cause ill feeling not to have her.
Or HE can have her as a groomsmaid .
Post # 19
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Pretty sure the problem has been solved as the thread is three years old…