Post # 1
So my husband-to-be has several brothers with one of them being unmarried and a sister who is not married. He is not putting any of his brothers in the wedding as groomsman. Additionally we were not putting his sister in the wedding as a bridesmaid. She means well but she really gets under his skin and annoys both of us.
We are having a small wedding party of close friends and my sister. Upon learning that his sister was not in the wedding his mother was really upset saying that it was proper wedding ettiquette to include unmarried ‘female’ siblings. She wasn’t upset that his brother’s weren’t in the wedding.
Is that true? Am I being rude by not having her as a bridesmaid even though he doesn’t really want in her in the wedding?
Post # 3
@mmcd1523: I should mention that we were going to have her do a reading so that she had some sort of role in the wedding.
Post # 4
There is no rule that says you HAVE to have her in there. If you plan on including her by doing a reading, I would say that’s sufficient.
Fiance and I agreed that we weren’t going to do siblings in our wedding party at all, and his sister STILL hasn’t gotten over it, but we are still certain we made the right choice.
Post # 5
You can do whatever you want to do. I am having my FI’s unmarried sister in the wedding SOLELY because we are close. Now, that being said he has three other sisters (one is the flower girl), one lives far away and the other is attending the wedding because she doesn’t agree with some things.
If you don’t want the sister in the wedding DO NOT feel obligated to do so. The days of tradition are over. Let his mother know that you have found the most perfect reading for his sister to do and that you couldn’t think of anyone else to do it….
Post # 6
My groom has his brother in his wedding party…but not his 2 sisters. They actually said they would do anything we needed them to…they took the dreaded job of cutting the cake for us!
Post # 7
I do think that it is traditional to do it, but I don’t think you have to. We are not having my brother or FI’s sister in our wedding. My mom has been pretty unhappy about it and said that family is forever and they should stand up with you on your wedding day. If I had a sister I would include her… but I don’t think the same is true of opposite-sex siblings. I have only met my FI’s sister once and she lives 10 hours from us. Having her in the wedding would be awkward and a logistical nightmare. My brother actually lives 10 minutes from us but he’s never made any effort whatsoever to get to know my Fiance so I definitely don’t think Fiance should have to have him up on his side.
Post # 8
I battled with this dilema for a while. My fiance’ has one sister and she is unmarriied to be honest we are not all that close and we don’t hang or anything like that–the only time I see her is at family gatherings and we exchange 2 words maybe. I came to the conclusion that I would be a hypocrite to include her. I think your bridesmaid should be people you are close to and comfortable with. why is his mom giving u attitude for not including his sister when he didn’t even include the brothers? her reasoning is off!
Post # 9
You don’t HAVE to have her in the wedding party. My fiance’s sister will be doing a reading; she is not a bridesmaid. I think it’s up to you – I feel that the point of having bridesmaids is to have those women that are closest and most important to you up there supporting you on your big day.
Post # 10
Yeah I’ve only met his sister twice and she lives about 7 hours away so I barely know her and the wedding party consists of the people we are the closest to. there are quite a few more people I would include before his sister.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I don’t think you have to include her in the wedding party – I actually think a reading is a perfectly appropriate gesture and she should be grateful to be included in that way!
Post # 12
Thanks everyone…I feel better. Having her in the wedding isn’t what we want. Its what his mother wants. I didn’t think it was even a big deal and we thought a reading would be a wonderful way to include her especially when none of his other siblings are even in the wedding at all. I didn’t feel bad about it until his mother reacted that way. It really took me by surprise.
Post # 13
Your Future Mother-In-Law is wrong- there is no etiquette rule that says you MUST have “unmarried female siblings” in your wedding party. The people in your wedding party should be the people you feel closest to, who play a significant role in your life.
I have 2 sisters who are both in my wedding, and we are extremely close. However, FI’s sister is NOT in our wedding- a decision Fiance and I made together. There is a long ugly history of FI’s sister trying to destroy our relationship, spread lies about me, cause problems between me and FIL’s- so no, just b/c she is FI’s “unmarried female sibling” is not a valid reason to have her in our wedding. I cannot have someone in my bridal party who doesn’t want us to get married. However- like you, I have asked FI’s sister to do a reading at our wedding.
I think your situation would be a bit different if your Fiance wanted his sister in the wedding, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Your Future Mother-In-Law should mind her own business and respect your wishes. This is not her wedding, it’s yours. Just ignore her and continue to go about your wedding planning. Hopefully she’ll see that the issue is not open to debate and she’ll just drop it.
Post # 14
I don’t think you have to at all since he’s not including his brothers. It would be different if he was including them and only his sis was left out. I’d just tell your Fiance what she said and have them work it out if his sis annoys him as well.
Post # 15
I was wondering this myself. Although I’ve met FI’s sister multiple times, she hasn’t made an effort to get to know me better (although I haven’t tried to get to know her better either.) She’s a couple years younger than me and we only see her at family functions. My sister on the otherhand is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she always chats with my Fiance and hang out. I’m 98% sure she won’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I also feel bad because FI’s bro and my sis are both in the wedding party…oh well
Post # 16
Yeah, I’m not including my FI’s sister beyond a reading. I wasn’t in her wedding, either – she had no BMs. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man when my brother got married, but I was pretty surprised to be asked, really – I would have thought the bride had friends she wanted, but apparently not.
My Fiance has a brother and a sister – both married. I really get on with the SIL (brother’s wife) but not the sister. So my hardest choice was not asking either of them to my hen do – I would have loved the SIL, but there was no way the sister was being there, so I just passed on them both.
I think it’s up to you how far you go with including siblings in weddings – they’re grown ups, even if they’re not happy, they should be able to get over it. That’s life.