Post # 1
My fiance has 2 sisters. I get along very well with one of them and want her to be in the wedding party, but I don’t get along with the other sister at all. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years, and throughout those years she has done nothing but try to start stuff with me. There were even several occasions when she tried to break my fiance and I up. We have seen each other a handful of times the past 2 years, but she hasn’t even spoken to me those times that I have seen her. Once she found out that we were engaged she started calling me and acting like we were best friends even though for the last 2 years she hasn’t even spoken to me. I have talked to my fiance about this, and he doesn’t care one way or the other if she is part of the wedding party because he does not like the way she has treated me over the years.
Is it rude of me to ask the one sister, but not the other sister to be part of the wedding party? I feel like, if I dont ask her, it will start all sorts of even more drama with her, but I dont particularly want to ask her because she has never been anything but rude and mean to me. What do you guys think I should do?
Post # 3
I would not ask her, particularly if your fiance supports you. Maybe ask her to do a reading so that she is still “in the wedding”? You do not want her drama while you’re getting ready for your wedding!
Post # 4
Ask the one sister to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man, and have the other sister stand on your FI’s side. Or don’t ask her at all, or don’t ask either sister, or don’t have a wedding party- the possibilities are endless 🙂
Post # 5
@fabtab88: I would ask the one sister who is a friend only. If the other sister asks why, just say you’ve made your decision and you think it’s the best. Just be prepared for her to run to Mummy crying. Either way it’s a Catch-22. If you add her, she will just bring drama. If you don’t, then there is still drama.
I would not ask her to be part of the wedding though. She might be upset she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man and flake out on you.
Does the other sister know of the strain between you two? Can you talk to her and ask her opinion if she wants to be in the wedding or not? What about your FILs?
Post # 6
No matter what decision you make in this kind of situation, it’s going to cause some kind of friction, so you may as well choose the option that makes you happiest and stand your ground. I am asking one of my sisters to be in the Bridal Party, but not the other. Do what you think is best, particluarly if your Fiance supports the decision.
Post # 7
If you ask the one sister, can she keep it quiet until the wedding day so the other sister doesn’t find out?
Post # 8
I would do what you can to try to build a good relationship with her now. Let the past be and move on. You two are stuck with each other for life so if she is being nice now, respond in kind, don’t hold on to the past, as that will guaranteeas continuation of the bad relationship. Now, I wouldn’t have her in the wedding party, either, since you don’t want to teach her she can treat you like crap without consequences. I would ask her to do a reading, a d if she asks why she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, tell her you feel like in the past you have been closer to the other sister, but you want her to be in the wedding celebrate your future as sisters. But invite her to your events, and be nothing but kind until she gives you a reason not to. She might start drama but being firm but kind is your best chance at a harmonious future.
Post # 9
+1 – Make the decision that makes you happy.
Post # 10
Personally, I wouldn’t ask her but then we only have 2-3 Bridesmaid or Best Man and it tends to be close family and/or friends eg I’m having my sister and 1 friend, granted we are having a Destination Wedding but even if I was graving a full blown home wedding I would still only have these 2 as these are the ones I want to organise and discuss things with, get excited about planning with, not a bunch of cousins and people I had to have, I know you seem to have different traditions though, the groom would only have 1 best man here and maybe a couple of ushers who show people to their seats.
anyway after that ramble, I would not ask heyou if she has treated you like shit I would not have her with me on one of the most important days of my life.
Post # 11
Your wedding, your picks on who you want to be in your bridal party. If you don’t feel comfortable with her in the party that is ok and don’t have her in it.
Post # 12
@fabtab88: You have awhile until your wedding. You don’t need to choose your BM’s right now. Why don’t you see how the relationship between you and the sister progresses over the next few months. Yes, she wasn’t supportive before but now that you’re getting married you will be a member of HER family so if you think it will cause drama if you don’t ask her maybe you should be the bigger person.