(Closed) Do I have to invite…”

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww honey.  What an uncomfy situation.  IMO, it was bad form for your hostess to invite these people.  Did you have no idea about your guest list?  How did you go about inviting them?  And quite honestly, why would HER friends want to come to your shower.  I would have a conversation about these guests and how it makes you uncomfortable because you wanted something more intimate.  Maybe she doesn’t know that this is kind of a faux pas.

Post # 4
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

And no you don’t have to invite them.

Post # 5
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Step-brother’s aunts and cousins??  WTH?

I’m going to break "etiquette" and say no.  Don’t invite them!!  Adding 50 people to an intimate wedding is ridiculous.  Was your hostess another relative of yours (a step-sister?)  Because it seems odd that those people would have been invited in the first place.  Doubling your guest list for the sake of etiquette?  Nyet.

Post # 6
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Your shower hostess didn’t know the rules.  It is the bride’s one responsibility to do the guest list for the shower, just to avoid situations just like this one.  That said, no, you don’t have to invite these people.

Post # 7
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.  Even though ettitquette-wise shower guests are invited to the wedding, I think in this situation you don’t have to invite these people.  It seems like she invited her friends and family, rather than sticking to the folks you were planning to invite to the wedding.  The faux pas was hers, so I don’t think you have to include these people on the wedding guest list.

My Future Mother-In-Law did something similar, even though I did give her a guest list to work from.  She went ahead and invited 10+ people to the shower who weren’t invited to the wedding.  I didn’t cave and invite them to the wedding, even though I felt awkward about it.  Ultimately, these people were her friends (like your shower hostess), so she’s the one who put them in a bad position.

Post # 8
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s why I didn’t have a shower! Too few people, and didn’t want to invite more guests cause I can’t afford it. Oh well. I say don’t invite them and make your shower planner do the apologizing. Good luck!

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