Post # 1
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
So my near 40-year old cousin has a bad habit of rushing into severely toxic relationships followed by horrible break-ups publicly displayed on (ugh) Facebook. The guy is like a teenager. He was on and off with a woman (two broken engagements) had a daughter, and broke it off for good about a year ago. Six months ago he met a woman and immediately moved in with her. I’ve met this woman briefly, in passing, at a large family function. She immediately “friended” me on FB, and I declined. Point is, I’m tired of hearing about his relationships via family, Facebook, and everyone else. I think his girlfriends are nuts, and I don’t want this particular flavor of the week at my wedding. I don’t approve, nor do I particularly like this woman. I do, however, want my cousin there, and his daughter if possible.
My aunt and my mother have suggested I “have to” invite this woman because they’re living together.
With other guests, we plan on doing a “The H family” and “ 6 seats are reserved in your honor”; or “Sally X” and “ 2 seats have been reserved in your honor” to indicate where guests, children, etc are invited. With this particular cousin, I feel like I have to address it as “John Smith and Susan Smith” “ 2 seats have been reserved” so that it will be clear it’s only him and his daughter, or “John Smith” and “2 seats” so that it will make HIM pick whether he wants her or his daughter there. Though, he may realize what we’re up to since his siblings’ children (and others’) will be invited and have seats for them.
Or do I absolutely have to invite this woman?
Post # 3
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
You need to invite her. They are a unit – it doesn’t matter if the relationship is going to last.
Post # 4
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
you’re going to be so busy that you won’t even have time to see or talk to her. The gracious thing to do would be to invite her.
Post # 5
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
Gracious, yes. But $150 to be polite?! Argh.
Post # 6
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
That’s a tuff one.. I personally would say don’t invite her, but that seems so rude.. Lol can she just come after dinner?(bad joke, I’m sure)
I’d just invite him with a plus 1 and see if he brings her. Maybe request his daughter come as his plus one since his daughter is “family”
Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
They are in a serious relationship and living together, so she must be invited. Honestly, I think there will be more drama if you do not invite her than if you do.
Post # 8
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
You have to invite her. They are living together
Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
They’re a social unit, so it would be impolite not to invite her. Am I reading it right that you barely know her, but that you’re just assuming you won’t like her because of your cousin’s history? Why write her off like that? She could be a really nice person.
Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
You DON’T have to do anything. If you do not want her there, don’t invite her.
Post # 11
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee
If you actively don’t like her, don’t invite her. But if it’s just because you don’t know her, and meanwhile, everyone else is invited along with their gf/bf, then I think you have to invite her too.
Post # 12
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
I feel bad telling her you have to invite her because I know how frustrating it can be to be in your position. However I think you really should invite her. And if you give the And Guest slot he probably will bring his girlfriend because 1) She’d probably be uber pissed at him if he chose his daughter over her to attend an event with and 2) He would probably assume it was meant for an adult to take the spot because generally adults are the ones invited to a wedding over kids (not always, but generally speaking here), especially in a Guest slot. Your plan may backfire since then you’ll have him and his girlfriend, but not his daughter who you really want to come.
Post # 13
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
I wouldn’t invite her, but I often put my happiness above what is polite.