(Closed) Do I have to invite FI ENTIRE family? How to politely say no!?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We told our parents that they could invite X amount of people. No more, there was no room at the venue and we didn’t want it to cost a fortune. That way they have to narrow down their guest list.

Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The venue fits 400 people? Who is paying for this?

And approximately how many additional people are you talking about that she wants to invite? Sometime it’s easier just to invite them to keep the peace…

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You guys are paying for this. you need to tell her she can invite x amount of people, and no more. Your Fiance needs to stand by you on it, and put your foot down when she complains.  SHE IS NOT PAYING, and the wedding is about you guys, not her

Post # 7
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

You and you FH decide the list!

We had immediate family and close friends and that was that. Father-In-Law threw a fit about his 12 brothers & sisters (before spouses) not being invited & Mother-In-Law well we didn’t even give her an option.

We told all of our parents right off that we made the guest list and that was that.

We had about 5 of Darling Husband cousins that were invited but only b/c I was friends with them too… actually know them from church and we were friends before I even knew they were all related.

Ultimately they’ll get over it. Don’t take their junk on as yours and just let them steam if that’s what they want to do.

This is a great time for you and your FH to begin your foundation of standing by each other and having loyalty to each other and really only to each other. Decided what works best for you two and then FH just needs to put his foot down to his family. It has to be him though… not you.. b/c you doing it will only be seen as you trying to control… FH doing it will be him taking a stand for what will now be his family and it ultimately will be more well received and respected.

Good Luck and have fun with your planning! =)

 

EDIT:::: Oh and NO Children… we invted 89 total. adding their kids would’ve put us at 120! eek!

Post # 8
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was given some great advice from a friend who with her FH paid for their entire wedding themselves.  Their criteria for coming to the weddings was as follows:

  • Had to of met the bride
  • Had to of met the groom
  • Had to of seen the bride/groom after the age of 21(she was 29 at the time)

This eliminated a TON of people and than she said her wedding was only with the people they were closest to.

Now if I could just follow that advice.  My Fiance would only have 12 people on his side!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think its good to give everyone a set number and just let them know it will be intimate.

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

you guys should come up with an actual number of how many guests you want. and then decide how many will be from his side and how many will be from your side. I really dont think you should have told her that the hall fits 400. If your number is 200 then tell her thans how many you can afford to seat and stick to that.

Post # 11
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with PP about giving Future Mother-In-Law a set number, and sticking to it.  But first I think you need to get more details situated before you take on anyone else’s requests.  YOUR guest list comes first since you’re paying for it… then others’ if there’s space.  Also make it crystal clear if you’re allowing children, because if you welcome some, you have to welcome all of them.

Another piece of advice: there’s no need to ‘go over the numbers’ with your Future Mother-In-Law, or anyone for that matter.  Tell them how many they get and leave it at that.  Further explanation isn’t necessary and will only lead to the other person finding ‘holes’ in your logic and weaseling in other people.

Post # 12
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I understand exactly what your going through same problem here. We made our list but Future Mother-In-Law said she needed to review it. Our venue only holds 150 people so I told her that that was the very max that we could invite. We have also told her that it is our wedding and we have veto power. We also explained that if she would like to pay for the wedding then she could invite whoever she liked. I haven’t seen her version of the list yet, but hopefully it won’t have too many additions. Also if your Future Mother-In-Law is anything like mine I suggest highlighting guests that are from your side of the family so that she doesn’t cross them out because she doesn’t know them. Mine already tried that. Now everything is highlighted!!

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