Post # 1
My husband’s birthday is coming up, so I am planning a small birthday get together for him this weekend. I invited his parents and his brothers to come. These are the only people he expressed interest in having there. One of his brothers is single, and the other one started dating a girl about 2.5 months ago. She has only met the family once, and that was briefly over dinner at a local restaurant.
After I sent out the e-mail letting everyone know the plans for the birthday (brunch followed by cake at our house), I received an e-mail from the brother with the new girlfriend. He wants to know if he can bring her to the party. I find this a little odd since she has only met us once, and I’m not sure if she’s even that interested in celebrating my husband’s birthday. It seems like he wants her there just so he can spend more time with her and also have her interact with the family more. I get that, but is a birthday the right time and place to do that? I remember when I was dating my husband, I didn’t go to any family birthdays until we had been together at least 7 or 8 months.
Do I have to invite her, or can I say that my husband prefers family only? What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I would ask Darling Husband if he wants her at the party and then go from there.
Post # 4
@prisigtr: I did ask him, and he said that he would prefer for it to be just family, but he also wants to be nice to his brother. He usually leaves me to be the one to tell people no when it comes down to it.
Post # 5
I guess I would ask your husband since it is his birthday. With that being said, I actually think it would be a good time for her to get to know the family. The attention won’t all be on her since most of it will be on your husband and she’ll get a chance to see the family dynamic, and you will all get a feeling for how well she fits into it. I don’t think it’s wrong for your husband’s brother to ask if he can bring her since I think it’s natural that he would want his family to get to know the woman that he is currently seeing. 2.5 months may seem like a short amount of time to you, but everyone has different timelines for when they consider things in their relationship serious or the right time to get to know the family, etc.
Post # 6
I would say yes! You’ll never get to know her until she comes around more. Plus, she probably really wants to get to know your family better and would enjoy a birthday party.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@Bichon Frise: Ha, leave it the DHs to make us do all the dirty work, lol. Well, I would let the brother know of your husband’s wishes and then let them hash it out if necessary. Maybe you all can get together some time before the party to get to know her better?
Post # 8
I would! I mean, why would he want her to go if he didn’t want her getting to know everyone? I don’t really think someone’s birthday party is a completely unacceptable time to get to know people. You’re probably going to be catching up with everyone anyway!
Plus, it might mean that he’s somewhat serious about this girl!
Post # 9
I think a bday is the pefect time to get to know family. Everyone is together and in a good festive mood. I dont think its weird that BIL wants to bring her at all. He seems to want to introduce her to everyone.
If Darling Husband doesnt want her there, then its his job to tell BIL that. Not yours.
If I was dating someone serious enough at 2.5 months I would definately want to go to a family low-key function where I can meet everyone.
I was invited and went to my now-Dh’s Thanksgiving and we were dating 3 months. that is a much more formal holiday. So 2.5 months and bday seems very reasonable to me
Post # 10
I think it’s a perfect time to get to know the new girlfriend. It’s certainly less awkward than a designated “get to know you” get together.
Post # 11
Unless there would be some compelling reason to exclude her, I think it would be very nice of you to invite her.
Post # 12
I think you should invite her.
Post # 13
I don’t see why you wouldnt invite her. I’ve always thought the more the merrier for birthdays.
Post # 14
Since it’s a casual gathering, I would include her. You never know, she could be a future sil, it’d be nice to start out on th right foot.
Post # 15
i would invite her! why not? it would give you an opportunity to het to know each other 🙂
Post # 16
I agree with PPs, I’d invite her. A family birthday party seems like a very odd thing to exclude a girlfriend from because they haven’t been dating long enough or you don’t know her well enough – you’ll never get to know her if she isn’t invited even to little things like family birthday parties.