(Closed) Do i have to invite him?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Oh wow. Usually I’d say yes, you have to invite your sister’s SO, but in this case…no way! How old is your sister? Can you mom talk any sense into her?

Post # 4
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

It would be very hurtful to your sister if you didn’t let her bring her bf.  I would sit down and explain the situation like you did above and maybe she can take it from there and have a talk with him and keep him under control on your day.  She’s your sister, she chose to be with him, you have to accept her, and him.  

 

Post # 5
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

show your sister this post. let her read what you just wrote and maybe then she’ll understand. i do not think you should invite him nor do i think you need to accept him (as a PP said) just because he’s your sister’s bf. he’s mean to your child for god’s sake! you have every right not to want him anywhere near you. it’s also quite possible that they won’t be together anymore in 9 weeks. here’s hoping.

Post # 6
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Nope.  I completely understand this and posted about a similiar situation.  If someone is truly nasty to you, why would you want to include them in one of the most intimate days of your life?

 

 

 

I, too, had a small wedding and only invited the people we are closest to.  SIL’s loser boyfriend of a few months was not invited- he has been a total ass to my husband and I and is generally disliked by the entire family.  She threatened to not come unless he could and we told her that was her decision to make.  In the end, she came…but brought loser-boyfriend along and kept him in the hotel.  The night before the wedding, she posted rude things on facebook (calling us “not her true family”).  She didn’t speak to me at the wedding and cried throughout the reception.  Even though she acted like a child, I do not regret the decision to not invite him.  I spent time with each guest at my wedding and truly enjoyed their presence, instead of merely tolerating someone for the sake of “keeping the peace.”

 

Be prepared for that kind of shit from your sister (although I hope it doesn’t happen to you).  I say you should have the wedding you want with the people you love the most.

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You may think “I can’t get married without my sister by my side” but the truth is, the only one you can not get married without is your Fiance.  Yes, your sister is blood, but in the end it will be her mistake to regret.  She is clearly disrespecting your feelings and putting herself before you on YOUR big day! Ask her what she thinks she’s accomplishing by making threats like this? Lay down the law for her and be sure to explain yourself completely and clearly.  Write her a letter if you have to so she will not be able to interrupt. Reiterate how he makes you uncomfortable and he verbally abuses your son.  If she still doesn’t get it, then to hell with it… let her look back on the pictures of your wedding and regret that she wasn’t there because she chose the superdouche instead.  You can’t choose the family you’re born into, but you can choose the family you make for yourself.


… Hopefully they will be broken up by then anyway Tongue Out

Post # 8
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was about to say…suck it up and invite him. UNTIL I read the part about him tormenting your kid. If your sister chooses to put up with a cheater, that’s her choice to make. But mess with someone’s kid…ain’t nobody got time for that! 

I’d tell her that while you absolutely need/want her there, he makes your child uncomfortable and as his mother you simply can’t have that. 

Post # 9
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bouncybee:  This is a tough one: we have a friend we really want to invite…but not her long-time Boyfriend or Best Friend, who sounds alot like the guy your sister is with.  If it were my sister, I’d probably still invite the guy  just because I *would* want her there…but I’d make sure they both knew upfront we wont be tolerating any funny business.

Post # 10
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@rickhurst:  no mother has no accept someone who “torments” their child. You are their protector. I don’t have children, but no mother I know would ignore their child on this. There are tooooo many cases of weirdos who do terrible things to kids that messes them up for life.  Maybe he won’t end up being like that, but why take the risk. 

 

Post # 11
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No way – if he is tormenting your 4 yr old, he should never be around you again, what a douche!

Post # 12
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@weddingnerd:  +1 

OP I’m very impressed that you haven’t hauled off and smacked this guy yet. Making your child CRY? What kind of adult does that? Excuse me, not adult, what kind of asshat does that?? If your sister doesn’t understand that, then it’s really sad but totally on her. Don’t invite this guy. 

Post # 13
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Anyone who tormented my 4 year old wouldn’t be safe around me! Why the hell would you want a man who makes your child cry at your wedding? If this were my sister I would say I’m sorry you won’t be there, but there’s no way he’s invited. 

Post # 15
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tricky situation. I think you have to decide what is more important, having your sister there or not having her boyfriend there?  It doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to have it both ways.

Post # 16
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@bouncybee:  I don’t think you have to invite anyone you don’t want to invite, especially if it will cause you stress.

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