(Closed) Do I have to invite my alcoholic father and his abusive wife?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would talk to the people you think would be upset if your father and his wife were not invited.  My first instinct was to tell you to just not invite them, but you should check with those you think the ommision would offend. If they understand where you’re coming from, they’ll be okay with you not inviting them.  If they want them there, and their opinions matter to you, then there you go.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Don’t invite them.  

This is your wedding, not your grandma’s, not your aunt & uncle’s, YOURS.  You should invite the people you care about and the people who love you– it doesn’t sound like they fill either category. 

Your wedding day is supposed to be about you and your Fiance, they’re not going to let that happen, even if they don’t cause any problems, you will be stressing about it the whole tim eleading to the wedding as well as the wedding itself. Don’t do that to yourself– enjoy your wedding!!!

Post # 5
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@peachacid:  exactly what I was going to say. 

Sorry you have to make this decision, OP!

Post # 6
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t invite them. It sounds like there is potential for headaches, either way and it sounds like you’ll be happier if they’re not there. I would perhaps warn the people that may be offended and explain your reasoning but your emotional wellbeing is going to trump any hurt feelins. Take care of yourself first. And anyone who cares about you should understand why you’re not inviting them. And hopefully, with this option, you can deal with any headaches before the wedding day and have a more relaxed and stress free wedding day.

Post # 7
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t invite them. You don’t need to explain yourself to ANYONE. It’s none of their business, and I’m sure they’re well aware of the tension between you and your father.

 

If people decide that they can decide who is invited to your wedding they don’t have to attend. Good riddance. You should only have people with good vibes who wish you well! 

Post # 8
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

I would absolutely not invite them. In fact, inviting them would never even cross my mind.

Why in the hell would you want them there after the horrible way they treated you? And more importantly, why in the hell would the rest of the family be offended if they weren’t there? Don’t they know how terrible they were towards you?

This scenario doesn’t make sense. But I still wouldn’t invite them. If anyone has a problem with that, I wouldn’t invite them, either.

And also – if your stepmother hated you so much and her side of the family is going to be so jealous that they’ll be bashing you behind your back throughout the entire day, why are you inviting THEM?!

I really don’t understand. Just invite the people that care about you and will want to share in your happy day. If they’re going to be talking smack or look like sourpusses in every photo, then maybe that’s a not so subtle sign that they don’t deserve to be there! If you end up inviting only 5 people – guess what? I guarantee your wedding will be more meaningful and special than inviting 50 people, 45 of whom don’t seem to like you.

Also, can I ask how old you are?

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would have a talk with the family you do care about and tell them how your upbringing marked you. Tell them your asking for one very happy, memory free day, and ask for their understanding. THEN I would cut everyone of those miserable People from the guest list. As pp said you don’t have to explain yourself to them and really won’t your life be just fine and dandy without them. You deserve the happiness deprived to you as a child, so i think you should give this gift to yourself.

Post # 10
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t invite them and honestly, I’d be shocked if they expected an invitation. Even the idea of extending the gesture of an invitation to people that treat me that way would be unacceptable.

Post # 11
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

If it was me, I wouldn’t invite them. While I am not in the same situation in any way, there are some people that I considered inviting to our wedding as well, but have decided against as it’s an emotional issue. If you are interested, see the post here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/half-brother-no-longer-part-of-life

It seems like these are toxic people who haven’t appeared to change their attitude towards you, now that you are an adult. I would talk to your grandparents/ other relatives you get along with and are close to and let them know how you are feeling about this. I feel they may understand if you tell them where you are coming from with this, that you are in therapy and dealing with PTSD from your childhood due to these people.

No one wants to see you upset on your wedding day. Invite the people whom you and fiance love and respect and have supported you growing up. It’s not about anyone else but the two of you on your wedding day. 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Talk to your therapist and your family who you do care about. My first instict is dont invite them but as you know either way this wont be easy to deal with.

Post # 14
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I wish I had some input for you, but I don’t. I’m in a similar situation though, almost identical, except I really get along with a couple of my stepmother’s daughters, so much that I would want them to be in my bridal party… So that will just complicate things a little more! I would love to hear your final decision, and I hope everything works out!

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