Post # 1
I just got engaged and I’m having so much fun/anxiety planning the wedding already! We’ve started putting the guest list together so we can get a sense of who to invite and an issue has cropped up.
I work in a tiny department of an enormous employer. There’s 6 of us who share an office: our manager, four of us who have the same job title and a receptionist. The four of us who have the same position get along really well, and have become friendly. For example, I’m going to one coworker’s wedding and went to the other’s 40th birthday party. Our receptionist is a lovely grandmotherly type, and she treats us like she would her own kids. If I can, I think I would like to invite them to the wedding.
The problem is our manager. She is a mean, rude, racist, manipulative, lying b*tch. She hates it when her staff gets along, and loves causing drama. She enjoys tearing people to shreds, and she can often be just downright cruel. Many people throughout the years have quit because of her. She goes through phases where she picks on one of us for a couple of months and then moves on to the next one. She is basically a complete nightmare to work under and there’s been points in time that I just want to quit and never come back (alas, I am not made out of money). I barely want to see her at work, and I know that I definitely do not want here at my wedding. Additionally, I’d like to be having a great time at my reception, and I don’t think I’d be able to really relax if she’s there, judging away.
I know I don’t “have” to invite her but it feels kind of awkard if I invite everyone else but her, given how small our unit is. I’m sure it will get out somehow, and I’m afraid of potentially causing drama at work, or having her retaliate in some way (she would – not explicitely but I’m sure she’ll find something). So, any advice, bees? What would you do? Am I worried over nothing? Our wedding won’t be until 2017 so I realize this is a bit early. At this point I’m hoping she retires before then (she’s about that age PLEASE GOD) but we’re kind of conviced that she’ll die in her chair.
This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by jbee88.
Post # 2
No. Just no.
The dynamic might change completely over the next year, so stop panicking until you actually need to. I
Post # 3
Too soon to even think about who from the office you are going to invite. Lots changes in 1-2 years.
Bosses usually don’t even want to be invited. Trust me.
Post # 4
Thanks Bees! I do have the very annoying tendency of getting way ahead of myself.
Post # 5
I agree with above, and if you do Save-The-Date Cards, LIMIT THEM, like only to out of town VIPs. Better yet, just send the out of town VIPs a letter. I have seen more brides wish they could take back some Save-The-Date Cards.
Post # 6
I agree with the others, you are worrying too early. But with that being said…. if the wedding was in 2 months this would be my take. If everyone in the office feels like you do, I would politely say to the other office mates “I’m not inviting boss as my guest list is limited, to keep things from getting akward at the office can we keep it on the DL that you were invited and attended.”
Post # 7
jbee88: I would just wait 🙂 You dont have to send them a STD to invite them butyou do have to invite them if you send a STD. I didn’t send my boss a STD for that specific reason! It gave me longer to think about it!!
Post # 8
Do you have any way of knowing how the others feel about your boss? If you know the others also don’t like her, I would invite your peers and the receptionist but request them not to bring it up in the office, as you’re not inviting your boss. I think this approach might still work even if you don’t know how they feel about her, as long as it’s done tactfully. You don’t have to bash on your boss or share any information other than the simple fact that you’re not inviting her if you’re not comfortable doing so.
Post # 9
Oh, everyone absolutely feels the same way! If I do invite the girls, I’ll ask them to keep it on the DL. It’s what we did for the 40th birthday party I mentioned earlier.
Post # 10
I’d simply ask the coworkers to keep it quiet to avoid awkwardness. If you don’t want someone there, regardless of whether you work for them, you are in no way obligated to invite them.
Post # 11
jbee88: I second all the comments about just having an honest chat with your coworkers to keep it on the DL, and it shouldn’t be a big deal. But I also agree that you don’t need to make any final decisions right now, so I’d be careful to keep wedding talk to a min and don’t make any hints that anyone particular will be invited. I stressed over a similar office invite dilemma, and I wasn’t working there anymore when the summer of the wedding rolled around!